Mark and Russell's Wild Ride Page #6

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fell out of that

hot air balloon.

( Sighs )

GIRL:
We'll take three

of the ganache, please.

( Whispers )

Oh, the universe hates me.

( Sighs )

Don't hide from me.

I see you.

There you are.

Yummy vanilla.

Hiding behind the red velvet.

We'll take these too, please.

So, is that nice Mark boy

still taking you

to Monica's pool party?

Not sure.

We do weird phone call.

I think Dean Greaves

might be taking us.

Crowd management,

real time traffic for miles,

fuel consumption,

road snacks...

I give and I give and

all he does is take.

Don't even get me started.

I feel like that with

my brother sometimes too.

Well, all the time, actually.

The important thing is

not to take it personally.

Specially since we have

no idea where he went.

I stand corrected.

What are you dummies

doing just sitting here?

Ashley is in that store,

along with a million questions

that I don't know how to answer.

Oh, these cup cakes are perfect.

Watch where you're going!

( Ashley screams )

( gasps )

OK. If Ashley sees us...

she's going to ask Dean Greaves

to take her to the party.

Super.

MARK:
Not super!

Totally super.

Dean Greaves is terrific.

Charming, dreamy eyes.

Plays guitar.

When life gives

you Dean Greaves,

you make Dean Greaves hate.

( Imitates Russell )

Oh good.

Ashley's gone.

( Police radio )

And Glenn just got arrested.

Call me.

Well, they're

reducing the charges

for him stealing

the little girl's bike.

But, he's still in the hook

for being in his underwear.

Yo! I got places to be!

This karate body needs protein.

So, now we have to bail him out

and save his marriage?

Where are we supposed

to get seventy five bucks?

And $25 for him

being in his underwear.

He told me that

was a bathing suit.

He said it was because he did

not have any more clean laundry.

( Heaves )

It's times like this

you have to ask yourself.

Wouldn't it be

easier if you just

build your own pool and

have your own party?

I've got a really good idea.

Why doesn't Russell call

his new best friend,

Dean Greaves to come in

and save the day.

I know you're just being

flippant, but he totally would.

Remember those?

He saved from those wild dogs.

Yo, check it!

A Happy Scratcher!

Wilson got three pineapples

and a dollar sign.

Cha-ching, yo!

Is he speaking emoji?

Check it.

Wilson's flush.

( All panic )

Those are my grandpa's

Happy Scratchers

and mine by birthright.

And you have to be eighteen

to cash them in, tough guy.

Hand over the tickets, Wilson.

( Car locks )

- ( car unlocks )

- ( Car locks)

- ( car unlocks )

- ( Car locks)

( car unlocks

and locks simultaneously )

( punching sounds )

Let a real man handle this.

I just want to put you

in my pocket.

Bring it.

( Moans )

I draw the line at hitting

eight year olds.

Unless they're family.

We need that ticket, Wilson.

What's it going to take?

Got karate master's

head honor, Wilson.

Where's the honor in blackmail?

When Wilson's late

for a jammy-jam...

Wilson plays dirty.

So the kid will do anything

to get to a super cool

popular kid party.

Sure that's something

you can get behind.

And I'm sure there's

a gas station near by.

Just saying.

You know, with our

suspicious gas gauge.

Just tell me

where the street is.

Or should we get Dean Greaves

to navigate for us?

If you had quit bickering like

a couple of cats in a bag,

you'd see that big dope's

jammy-jam is right there.

( Indistinct crowd )

Short guy,

Mitch,

girl whose name

I can't remember,

catch you on the flip.

( Sighs )

Wilson.

Don't tell me it's a pool party.

No doubt. Wilson's gonna

get his snuggle on.

I really need to

get that license.

Let's go bail Glenn out.

Unless...

Don't you dare say Dean Greaves.

- Then we should really...

- Don't you dare

say Knobbler's Field!

My mom's car has been

through enough already.

Knobbler's Field

is off the table.

Dean Greaves is off the table!

You know what?

Anything that comes out

your mouth, off the table!

You say that now, Forehead.

- ( Gasps )

- But you always

take my advice in the end.

Hey! It's just a pool party.

Just a pool party?

Just a pool party?

This license.

Leveling up. Ashley.

It is everything to me!

Boy, I close my eyes...

You almost sound like Glenn.

Who wants to go to

a pool party with Glenn?

Who wants to go to

a pool party with you?

With your cheap phones

and your Mole Man

and your sparkling

cider lunches.

- Brunches!

- Oh, whatever!

It's embarrassing.

And plus, you were

never even invited.

( Snorts )

No. I don't need

your stupid pool party.

I got Wilson's. Have fun

choking on your sixth failures.

Fine! Go!

We'll move faster without you.

Kinda takes the wind

out of your sails

when you gotta stop in

the middle of your big moment.

Doesn't it, drama queen?

Test number one.

Three seconds.

Not before. Not after.

But, squarely at the stop sign.

I don't write the rules, Angela.

Nope. You just die by them.

GLENN:

Thanks again for springing me

from the big house, guys.

Now, back to our Karen quest.

MARK:
Guys.

Oh!

Frosty in here.

I haven't felt anything

this tense since.

Knifey Pete and New Fish Wingo

went at it in the yard.

It did not end well

for Knifey Pete.

Well, while you were making

colorful new friends...

Let me catch you up on what

happened here in the real world.

Bail money for you...

Karate fights...

A conga line of blue-hairs.

Mark chased away

his only friend.

One more thing.

We missed the bus's final stop

before Steubensville

and our last chance of catching

your wife is slipping away.

All right. Can it with

the monologue, Shakespeare.

Work that peddle.

Why?

What's the point?

We're never going to

beat her bur to Steubensville.

We're doomed.

Unless some sign appears

out of nowhere

to magically show us the way.

GLENN:

We are making excellent time.

Great idea, Mark.

( Sighs )

So you're just going to

keep on driving?

Like nothing's wrong?

I have no idea what

you're talking about.

Even when he's not here,

he's saving your butt.

Not cool, bro!

OK! Fine!

Yeah, Russell scored with

a Knobbler's Field shortcut.

So what? Doesn't mean

he's right about everything.

You know, he told me

to close the sun roof,

so the bugs wouldn't get in.

Nothing's happened there.

Doesn't count. Too delightful.

These things

on the other hand...

A menace.

MARK:
Stop! Stop! Stop!

GLENN:
He is literally

inside my nostrils.

Oh, Russell was right

about the sun roof.

Whoa!

GLENN:
Am I OK? I think it

might have scratched me.

No. No, you're good.

OK. Russell was right

about two things. So what?

Even a broken clock

is right twice a day. Right?

Wha-what's that flashing

nozzle on the dash mean?

( All grunting )

MARK:
Oh, come on.

Put your back into it.

The gas station's less

than a mile this way.

Over the river and

through the woods.

Somebody suggested

we fill up earlier.

Something about

a faulty gas gauge.

The name's on

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