Max Keeble's Big Move

In a world where

the messengers of truth...

the couriers of justice,

bravely go forth...

to complete

their appointed routes...

Your mission...

complete paper route

in 30 minutes.

One lone hero stands out

among the rest.

One fearless rider

has the fortitude...

to deliver the goods.

To stand up to the forces

of darkness...

the legions of doom,

the armies of oppression...

and the evil Ice Cream Man.

Paperboy.

Welcome to the ice age, paperboy!

# I scream, you scream #

We all scream for ice cream!

Oh, nuts!

I forgot the sprinkles!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hey, Max.

Ohh!

A Tony Hawk sundae!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, that Ice Cream Man

sure is evil.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I will defeat you...

with my complicated

fighting move.

We shall see whose kung fu

is superior. Hyah!

Yah! Paperboy power!

Didn't hurt!

You can run,

but you can't hide, paperboy!

# Everywhere #

# Gonna do everything #

# Gonna do my best

to reach your sky #

# 'Cause I don't care #

Whoo-hoo!

Yeah!

Paper?

What took you so long?

I stopped for some ice cream.

Get out of bed, jabrodie.

Get out of bed, jabrodie.

Get out of bed... Ow!

Heh.

OK, I dreamed it.

So maybe my life

really isn't like that.

And maybe I'm not

the coolest kid ever.

But today was the first day

of junior high...

and I was sure that things

were gonna be different.

Ya-ha-ha!

I had a new look.

I was a baller,

a shot-caller.

I was a player

with phat attitude.

Or, as I like to call it...

Phat-itude.

Hi, Mom.

It's finished.

The house is perfect.

Just as

I'd always pictured it.

But let's keep that

between you and me.

Meet my mom.

She's been putting

the "finishing touches"...

on our house

for, like, six years.

You could say

she's a bit obsessed.

This is my house.

My kitchen! Mine!

Morning.

This is my dad.

He works in advertising.

His boss, Mr. Foge, makes him

wear goofy costumes sometimes.

Luckily,

he's got us for support.

What is that?

Heh.

I'm Lieutenant Lobster.

For the Lobster Shack

pitch today?

Do you really have to wear that?

Lily, come on.

Foge has got

a dozen junior ad execs...

lined up who'd be happy to be

Lieutenant Lobster.

Foged again.

DON:

But just for this pitch.

I better be off.

Off to junior high...

my little soldier

all grown up.

-Good luck, honey.

-Thanks, Mom.

-Don't break anything.

-OK, Mom.

Hey, Max?

You want a ride?

Um... that's OK.

I'll take the bus.

Yeah, the bus. Right.

You know that kid

everyone thinks is weird...

but he doesn't care

what everyone thinks?

This is him.

He's my best friend.

His name's Robert,

but we call him Robe.

Guess why?

Hey, you guys!

This is my other best friend.

Her name's Megan.

She never goes anywhere

without her clarinet...

Even when she

takes a trip.

You OK?

Yeah, I'm tough like a tank.

Yeah, the septic tank.

Says the freak in the robe

that smells like diapers.

Max, where's your bassoon?

Um... My bassoon...

I thought we were

taking band together.

I've been thinking.

It's junior high.

Is band still cool?

Cool?

What are you talking about?

Since when have we been cool?

All I'm saying is,

let's try to act cool.

Sweet! A can.

Mmm.

-Blech!

-Eww!

# Today #

# I changed #

# But too late #

# 'Cause every town

feels the same #

# I'm different #

#And you're distant #

#Add it up and it makes

no difference #

For the yearbook.

How's this?

"Sheep arrive for slaughter"?

No, no, no!

Please! Please!

Don't make me go!

I don't want to go!

Does he know

something we don't?

JINDRAIKE:

Here they come.

With their pimples

and their braces...

and their rickets

and their lice.

Their snot-nosed,

baggy-pantsed...

high-pitched,

squealing voices.

And yet, each one a rung

on the ladder of my success.

A ladder that ends

in a vast neon sign...

that stretches across

the night sky.

MRS. RANGOON:

Principal Jindraike?

These came from

your real-estate agent.

The sign, Mrs. Rangoon.

What does it say?

"Superintendent Jindraike."

The sign on my office door.

That's what it should say.

Sounds so much better than

"Superintendent Knebworth."

It's classier, too.

When Knebworth sees

what I've done in his honor...

the old dinosaur is sure

to make me his successor.

But, first things first,

Mrs. Rangoon.

Set up the video

broadcast machine device.

I want to address

the acne-strafed masses.

Curtis Junior High

has a long...

and fascinating history

of colorful bullies.

-You're lying.

-Am I?

In 1985, Tomato-face Callahan.

He'd walk right up and shove

a tomato in your face.

1991, Wedgie Jackson.

He invented

the world wide wedge.

Which brings us to this year.

Troy McGinty.

Word is, he's gonna pound...

on a different kid every day.

And he's devised

his own special way...

of letting the world know

who he's coming after.

Max Keeble?

Here.

All right.

Julius Klinghoffer.

-Here.

-All right.

Lil' Romeo?

Yo, whuzzup?

I'm over here, wo dat.

OK.

Lil' Romeo's in the house.

I'm down with that.

Tina Michaels?

And now...

This is Principal Jindraike.

All students will report

to the assembly hall...

during third period

for a special presentation.

Attendance is mandatory.

All must attend.

Not attending is prohibited.

That is all. Thank you.

Yes! The reviews are in.

Ha! Jindraike, two thumbs up.

I laughed, I cried.

The man's a genius.

-Principal Jindraike!

-What now, Rangoon?

The red light's still on.

I'm well aware of that.

Didn't even notice!

Good morning.

I'm Ms. Dingman,

and welcome to Life Science.

You OK?

I can't feel my fingers.

...like this.

Pheromones.

Nature's dating service.

Odorless, colorless.

It's how many species

attract mates.

A chemical process

which causes...

an irresistible

attraction...

in the opposite sex.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Would someone like to open

the window for me, please?

You in the robe.

Aww.

Wow, that's cool!

You see? Irresistible.

["Baby, One More Time" playing]

# Oh, baby, baby #

# Eh, eh #

Are you OK?

Yeah! Yeah.

I'm fine.

You look kind of familiar.

I deliver your paper.

I'm Max, Jenna.

Oh, yeah.

You go to school here now?

You play the clarinet.

First chair.

I'm in band, too.

I play the bassoon.

Hmm. Well, I'll see you later.

I'll see you bassoon.

See you bassoon?

Ecch! Stupid!

Max Keeble.

Troy!

Troy McGinty, how are you?

First victim

of the year there, buddy.

It's a big honor.

Know the guy you hung out with

when you were little...

but as you got older you went

in opposite directions?

Troy McGinty

wasn't always a bully.

I remember when he came

to my fourth birthday.

The theme was

MacGoogles the Frog.

# MacGoogles is me name #

# I like a swampy bog #

# It's time to play a game #

# With your favorite

Highland frog #

I don't like MacGoogles!

He's not real, Troy.

He's just a TVcharacter.

Is there a wee laddie

having his birthday today?

MacGoogles!

He's trying to eat me!

Scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat.

Troy, it's me, Mr. Keeble.

MacGoogles ate Max's daddy!

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