McHale's Navy

1

[ With Russian Accent ]

Here he comes.

It's about time.

Gentlemen, I'm sorry I'm late.

Welcome.

It's an honor to have...

such distinguished visitors

as yourselves on my island.

I hope the trip

was satisfactory.

Forget that.

I hope that you have

considered our offer.

Yes, and I do have

some concerns...

but they are minor.

We now expect your full

cooperation, Governor.

Secrecy is of the utmost importance.

You understand?

Of course, of course.

There is no chance

anyone will ever know.

What the hell is that?

[ Camera Shutter Clicking ]

[ With German Accent ]

Gentlemen.

This is Major Vladakov.

He will be in charge.

I am sure you are aware

of his reputation.

He is perhaps the second-greatest

terrorist in the world

[ chuckling ]

What? You are not?

It's impossible to get number one.

He's never available.

How fortunate for me.

Now, to our mission:

Restoring the old world order...

so that once again, you

may all drive Cadillacs,

and I can become the number-one

terrorist in the world.

So, let's take a tour

of your island,

shall we?

This guy is a big mistake.

I don't think so.

We'll see.

[ Shutter Clicking ]

[ Rock 'N' Roll ]

Oh, the house is a-rockin'

Don't bother knockin'

yeah, the house is a-rockin'

Don't bother knockin'

yeah, the house is a-rockin'

Don't bother

come on in

well, keep talkin' and

she starts losin' the blues

This old house

ain't got nothin' to lose

I've seen it all for years

Start spreadin' the news

we got room on the floor

come on, baby

Shake somethin' loose

well, the house is a-rockin'

Don't bother knockin'

yeah, the house is a-rockin'

Don't bother knockin'

The house is a-rockin'

Don't bother come on in

oh

yeah

well, the house is a-rockin'

Don't bother knockin'

yeah, the house is a-rockin'

Don't bother knockin'

The house is a-rockin'

Don't bother

come on in

well, walkin' up the street

you can hear the sound

Some band honky-tonka few

Layin' it down

They've seen it all

for years

Ain't gota-nothin' to lose

So get out on the floor

yeah, baby

Shake somethin' loose

oh, the house is a-rockin'

Don't bother knockin'

yeah, the house is a-rockin'

Don't bother knockin'

yeah, the house is a-rockin'

Don't bother

come on in

yow

[ Men Talking, Shouting ]

[ Man ] Hey, good shot

Left, right, left.

To the left, to the left,

to the left, right, left.

To the left, to the left,

to the left, right, left.

To the left, to the left,

to the left, right, left.

To the left, to the left,

to the left, right, left

To the left, to the left,

to the left, right, left.

Company, halt!

Request permission to commence

flag-raising ceremony, sir.

Permission granted,

Ensign Parker.

[ Humming "The

Star-Spangled Banner" ]

[ Continues Humming ]

[ Continues Humming ]

Uh-oh.

[ Loud Crack ]

Holy mother of liberty!

That's a federal offense.

Plus it's big. You need a medium.

McHale, what are you doing here?

This base is

for Naval personnel only.

You are gonna get--

Hey, cool whistle.

You know, McHale, you cannot bribe

your way onto a Naval base.

Keep it. I'll see you later.

[ Tooting ]

[ Notes Descending ]

[ Man ] come on, Willie.

quit stallin'.

It's your turn.

Oh, lighten up, Gruber.

You can't rush this stuff

you don't complain

when you're drinkin' it

"If it hadn't actually

happened to me,

"I never would have

thought it possible.

"It all started one night in a

small diner outside of town.

"I couldn't help but

notice how the waitress...

"kept giving me the sexy eye.

Oh.

"Then her twin sister

walked in." Uh-uh.

With their mother.

This stuff

never really happens.

Yeah, well, I can personally

guarantee that this one did.

Oh, you wrote this one.

No way.

Big way.

So there I was,

one man gazing

into six blinking eyes...

and three pairs of pouty lips.

I was so hot, my hoagie fell..

into a plate

of their special sauce.

- No way.

- Big way.

The question is,

do I tip ten or twenty percent?

Better make it 30 and leave a little

somethin' for Grandma. Hey, boys.

[ All Talking ]

All right, good news.

Company's got a new division:

McHale's Ice Cream.

Comes in 31 gourmet favors,

including Pineapple,

Orange Tint,

13 kinds of Chocolate Mint--

- "Mango Tango Bango Berry."

- "Banana Boat Chunky Cherry."

- "Funky Lumpy Monkey Berry"?

- "Loosey-Goosey Scary Berry."

- And just plain Berry.

- Any of these low fat?

They're all low fat, if

you spit out the chunks.

Hey, that's an idea.

I've got 1,000 gallons.

That's 4,000 pints. Our

cost is a dollar a unit.

So what do we charge?

We can probably get five, six bucks apiece.

Five, six bucks.

- Better make it six.

- Six bucks.

Wait a second. A thousand

gallons, that is 8,000 pints.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Thank you.

Anybody want to place any last-minute

bets on the big game?

I'm in for 20. I'm in for 25.

Here's 20. Give him 20.

25. Give him 25.

Pot's right. This stuff is

for sellin', not snackin'.

We better get seven, our

cost being two bucks a unit.

I thought it was a buck. That's

before I knew we had twice as much.

Come on! [ All Talking ]

See you guys later.

Mm. That's yummy.

Where you been, McHale? Y-You

gonna take care of me?

Don't I always? Chill! Come on.

Did you get me the good stuff?

You got somethin' for me? Yeah.

[ Panting ]

"Orange, Strawberry,

Banana." Light.

Thanks, McHale.

You're a prince.

One more thing. You got a freezer?

Yeah. Why?

I need you to unload

some ice cream for me.

Anything for you, McHale. Good,

'cause I got some chili coming in.

Okay.

Oh! Hoo!

[ Beeping, Whirring ]

Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy!

Got those pictures

I need, buddy?

Got those pictures

I need, buddy?

Yes!

Thanks, buddy.

Oh, thank you, buddy.

Wow.

[ Boat's Horn Blows ]

Hola, McHale.

Hey, thanks, Miguel.

Meet me by the campsite

In the caravan

on the Riviera

[ Motorcycle Revving ]

But she don't care a bit

She say

I'm workin' on my tan

McHale, ole. How ya doin'? Hi.

oh, mon

[ Children Shouting ] McHale!

Hi, kids.

Hey, Doc. McHale.

Thanks. Oh!

We really needed this.

How can we ever

make it up to you?

Forget about it. I'm happy

to help out any way I can.

Well--

If you want another kidney,

the answer is no...

unless you got a new set of golf clubs.

[ Chuckles ]

All right, men, listen up.

Today's the big day.

The satellite photos are in,

and they're clear.

Now, as you can see right here their

cleanup hitter crowds the plate.

What's that mean, Juan? Hit him

in the head with a fastball.

No, unfortunately he's wearing a helmet.

Then we pitch him inside.

Right, and that means? He will pull

it, so I play closer to the line.

Plus you can trip him when

he's going around second base.

You guys got a great coach.

All right, Roberto's

the cutoff man.

And he's not here. Where is he?

Sorry, McHale. I tried to

keep an eye on him for you...

but he's always running off

[ Sighs ] Okay. All right.

This is their third base

coach giving the steal sign.

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