McHale's Navy Page #6

-Armando is dead.

-Boy, I'm sorry to hear that.

Armando lives.

There is someone here to see you.

[ Dull Thud, Creaking ]

Hey, buddy.

-Hey, McHale. What's happening man? How you doin'?

-Good. What you been up to?

Oh, a little bit of this,

a little bit of that.

Mostly having ashbacks of concerts

I haven't been to yet, you know?

-Hey, you came at a good time, my friend.

-Why? You havin' a sale?

-Yeah, okay.

-Good.

I need one of those S.S.B. transceivers.

I'll give you 600 bucks.

You know, I may not remember

30 years of my life, man,

but I remember those things cost 700.

Really? Well, I can get 'em

in Damascus for five.

Hey, last time I looked,

we weren't in Damascus, man.

Thank you. I also need one of those

heat-seeking torpedo warheads,

I need two battery eliminators, one

of those satellite uplink units...

-and 5,000 rounds of 50-caliber ammo.

-Hey, no problem, man.

And, uh, I also need, uh,

some parts...

for a 1942 Packard

P.T. boat engine.

Oh, now, that might be tough, man.

Those Packards are very hard to fi--

Well, I got a cousin, man. Ernesto.

He'll take care of you.

Hey, guys, I don't see it.

It's a round sack. It's got beans in it.

Listen up, guys. We need to

take this back to the boat.

Me and Jose are going to

go buy some engine parts.

-Mr. Parker's in charge.

-Why, thanks, Skip.

All right, guys,

let's go. Head out!

Come on! [ Groaning ]

[ Rock ]

Gruber, that's the place

right there.

Uh, gee, Mr. Parker.

McHale forgot something.

Really? What? Uh--

Oh. It's, uh...

Olsen coaxial monitor cable.

An Olsen coaxial monitor cable?

Yep.

Uh heck yeah, Mr. Parker. I can't tap

into a Soviet satellite system

without a Olsen

coaxial monitor cable.

Nope. Well, of course.

We'll meet you back at the boat.

Yeah.

-Right.

-Wait a minute.

You guys better get, um, two of those,

uh, Olsen coaxial monitor cables...

-just to be on the safe side.

-Right.

-That's why you're the C.O.

-Always thinkin'.

[ Rumbling ]

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[ Jazz Pop ]

Ese neuvo

Boys, every man for himself.

ese neuvo

Buenos noches, senorita.

-Buena

-Are you nueve in town?

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughing ]

Bartender, dos martinis,

por favor.

[ Foreign Accent ]

Is this called poker?

I would like so much

to learn the game...

and bring it back

to my native land.

But I only have a couple of hundred dollars.

[ Men Laughing ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Grunting ]

Ahh!

Rack 'em, amigo.

[ Coughs ]

And... it's your roll,

banana bud.

[ Chittering ]

Okay.

Okay, let's just roll, okay? Let's go.

Oh. God Oh!

Ernesto?

That's me.

Armando! Oh, yeah. We're twins.

I thought you were cousins.

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. We're-- Yeah.

We're twin cousins, man.

It's funny, man. Everybody in my

family, we all look alike, man.

Even my dog, man, looks just like me.

Hey, you want boat parts, man?

I got something to show you.

Come here.

Check it out, man.

Twin turbos, nitrous injected.

I really put my heart

into this, man.

I don't think I can sell it.

Well, maybe I can.

[ Chuckles ]

All right. Load it up.

You heard the man.

Load it up, man!

[ indistinct Chatter ]

[ Pistol Shots ]

[ Cat Screeching ]

[ Pistol Shots Continue ]

baby baby, won't you hear my

You're cheating.

[ Screeching ]

Let me see your dice.

Just as I thought--

loaded dice.

Who raised you, monkey?

I did. That's my monkey.

[ Chuckling ] Well, I can

kinda see the resemblance.

[ Chittering ]

baby baby, won't you hear my plea

[ Groaning ] Oh...

- Heh-heh-heh.

- [ Chuckles ]

[ Blows Landing ]

[ Both Grunting ]

[ Grunting Continues ]

[ Grunting Continues ]

Hey, Happy. What are you doin'?

-Well, it appears I insulted a monkey.

-Hey!

Thank you. I'm sorry.

Whoa!

[ Yelling ]

Yes, well, my stuntmen

have arrived.

Excuse me. I've got

to go rehearse.

Hey, Happy. How you doin'?

Peachy. Behind ya.

[ Muttering, Grunts ]

Duck.

- Yaaaah!

- Hey, hey!

[ Glass Breaking ]

-Hey, Virg. How's that rehearsal goin'?

-Uh, fine, Willie.

I think it's your cue.

Thank you.

Looked pretty real, didn't it?

Did I ever tell you about

the time I-- Whoa! Aaah!

Hey, Christy. Today!

Get a haircut.

[ Siren Wailing ]

[ Whistle Blowing ]

[ Woman ] Policia!

Whoa. Whoa, whoa! All right, all right!

[ Whistle Blowing ]

Seems like beginners luck.

[ Muttering ]

Well, look at the time

I think I hear my ride.

Uh, I'm in the San Ysidro book.

[ Shouting Grunting ]

You Commies fight

like a bunch of girls.

- Hey, Parker. Where's the guys?

- Oh, they'll be back soon.

They went back to get those Olsen coaxial

monitor cable things you forgot.

-Oh, Chuck.

-Oh, boy.

Skip. Skip, the guys

got busted by the cops.

All right, you stay here,

load up the boat. Come on!

[ Man ]

Si. Si, that's what I said

Huh?

Four American Navy sailors.

Bueno!

[ Chuckling ] Manuel! These four

men will be my calling card...

to meet el Presidente,

the man who has given me,

given our people all of this.

[ Whistles ] Hey, Senor.

- We wanna call our embassy.

- Yeah? Well, you just shut up!

You Anglo yankee pig dog.

[ Laughs ] That was a good one.

[ Cluttering ]

What?

El Presidente!

Release the American pig dogs

into our custody.

Manuel, go get the prisoners.

It is such an honor,

el Presidente.

I was just telling Manuel here it has

been my lifelong dream to meet you.

[ Chokes ]

What's that, el Presidente?

[ Choked Coughing ]

El Presidente said he would

be honored to have the cigars...

of the brave men

who captured the Americans.

Of course!

What's ours is el Presidente's.

In that case, he'd be honored

to have your shirt, tie,

sunglasses and-- why not--

your pants too.

Manuel, el Presidente

has honored us.

He is asking for our ties and our

shirts and our sunglasses...

and-- why not--

our pants too, eh?

And now we'll bring the

American dogs to the pound.

[ Mumbles in Spanish ]

[ Stammers ] Wait! Presidente, por favor

uno foto, eh?

Oh, el Presidente would love

to take a photo.

But el Presidente

is in such a big hurry!

How dare you give me orders!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Why are you pinching

el Presidente?

Oh! Oh! Arrivederci!

Presidente!

It's so nice to meet you.

El Presidente.

All right, guys. We've only got

a few hours, so let's get set up.

Hey-

How did my father die, McHale?

Well, you know, I probably

shouldn't be talkin'...

about top-secret stuff

like that with an 11-year-old.

Was a good-lookin' man,

wasn't he?

Yeah, we were best friends.

He was a lot of fun.

And he really loved you.

[ Snifing ] He was

also a great soldier.

Very brave.

He found out that Vladakov was a

bad guy and had set us all up.

Your dad ended up saving a lot

of lives, including mine.

[ Sniffing ] Trouble was,

he couldn't save his own.

I'll kill Vladakov myself!

No. I lost your dad,

and I'm not gonna lose you.

I'm gonna get him.

I guarantee it.

- What if he gets you first?

- I'm not a bettin' man, but--

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