McHale's Navy Page #8

-He is really itching to go after Vladakov himself.

-That figures

Guys like Binghampton are always willing

to get men killed for their own egos.

I had a man in my unit-- Robert

Valenzuela-- who was from here.

Bravest man I ever worked with.

Vladakov killed him

down in Panama.

-I bet that wasn't in your thesis.

-I'm so sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry too.

The Navy wouldn't acknowledge our

mission, so his family got nothing.

So I decided that I would take

care of his son and his family.

Little did I know he was related to

every single person on this island.

But that's what I do

now, and I like it.

I-I should really go check

on Binghampton.

-I-I'll let you know.

-Yeah.

-Do that.

-Okay.

Drive safe.

Speed is the essence of war.

Take advantage

of the enemy's unpreparedness,

travel by unexpected routes,

and strike the enemy where

he has taken no precaution!

Fall out! Hit the boat!

[ Soldiers Shouting ]

Sir, what are you doing?

This is my moment

of destiny, Carpenter.

This is not your mission, sir.

It is McHale's.

I'm going to have

to notify him.

This is an invasion, Lieutenant.

No communications get off this base

except through me. Understood?

Why are you doing this, sir?

Listen to me, Carpenter.

Cobra's going to retire soon. They'll

be looking for someone to replace him.

Let's just say that Wallace B. Binghampton

is about to submit his resume.

Sir?

Respectfully... you're nuts.

The Navy has a word for

officers like you: prisoner.

S.P., the lieutenant

is confined to the brig.

Escort her there immediately.

Aye-aye, sir. Lieutenant?

See you on CNN, Carpenter.

-I'm really sorry about this, Lieutenant.

-Aw, don't worry about it.

Look, you don't happen to have a steel

plate in your head or anything, do you?

-No.

-Good.

Sorry about that.

Major, I hope this is good news.

The logistics involved

in getting three men...

of such different temperaments together is just-

- Forget that.

We are all here.

What is it you want?

Gentlemen, I am proud to report

that the missile is on its way.

- Excellent! - Very good.

- Congratulations.

Well, thank you.

I think this will go a long way in making

you the number one terrorist in the world.

- Oh, you think so?

- Absolutely. When can we celebrate?

In, uh, just about ten seconds.

But first, I have just one question:

do you happen to know

if your check has cleared?

Definitely! I guarantee it.

Well, then, let's celebrate now.

Hmm. All right.

-To the new world order.

-New world order.

To no world order.

Hmm?

[ Beeping ]

What's that?

Don't judge me, David.

You're hindering

my spiritual growth.

Clear!

Get that line! Up the port side.

Bitchin'. You guys did

a heck of a job on this boat.

-Thanks.

-Looks great.

Uh-oh. Look at that.

Three days ago, she wouldn't talk to me.

Now I can't get rid of her.

Quint, Binghampton's

going after Vladakov.

-We better get over there, men. Gear up.

-But the boat's not ready.

Then you better make it ready, mister.

Come on.

-Sir?

-What?

-The compound is over here.

-Oh.

Looks like nobody's around.

-This is really weird.

-Well, obviously, the little cowards are hiding.

-I'll just have to ush them out.

-Uh, sir--

[ Flare Hissing, Whistling ]

- That should get their attention.

- [ Explosion ]

Oops.

[ Explosions ]

I don't suppose

that's Binghampton.

-Spread out!

-Aye-aye, sir!

It, uh, looks like the mission

is accomplished, sir.

-[ Short Chuckle ] Damn right.

-Binghampton.

-What's goin' on?

-Well, look here. The great McHale arrives...

after the battle is over.

And who's with him?

Penelope Carpenter...

the former promising lieutenant

turned P.T. groupie.

-What happened here?

-It's obvious.

I stormed, and I conquered.

And when Cobra arrives, he'll see who

stepped in to clean up your mess.

- Cobra's coming down here?

- Yes, and I intend to give him an earful...

about your recent indiscretions.

-McHale, this whole base was wired to blow up.

-Ah, Parker. Another traitor.

Now, listen to me, McHale. There's no way you're

gonna take this great victory away from me.

Now, I'm going to go

and get ready to greet Cobra.

Come on, men.

Hey, Skip. Looks like

there's nobody here.

Hey, guys.

Look what I found.

Vladakov's shrink. Doctor.

- Where's Vladakov?

- [ Groaning ]

He shot me! After all my years of

service listening to his complexes.

I opened my heart to him

and look what I get for it!

- Where are Vladakov's men?

- Ah. They all resigned.

This makes absolutely

no sense at all.

Why set up all this and

then not put up a fight?

Hey, Skip.

Take a look at this.

San Ysidro, this is Cobra One moving

on final approach in 20 minutes.

That's affirmative,

Cobra One. San Ysidro out.

Where did they tap

into our vid-link?

By the look of all this stuff,

they've had it the whole time.

Ahoy McHale. Sorry I couldn't

be there to enjoy my fireworks,

but I've been planning a surprise

party for our good buddy Cobra.

Sorry. You are not invited.

-He set us up!

-Why would he have something against Cobra?

I don't know. We trained together.

Cobra never cut him any slack.

But he's not crazy enough to go to

all this trouble for that, is he?

-Oh, do you really have to ask?

-We've gotta find Cobra.

Let's get to the boat, men.

[ Laughing ] Oh, yes. Yes!

[ Continues Laughing ]

How long before we land?

About 20 minutes, sir.

You guys see anything

out there?

-Nothin' in this direction, Skip.

-Got 'em! Straight ahead.

All right, guys.

Get ready for anything

- Full speed ahead, Jose.

- Right!

[ Evil Laughter ]

[ Laughing ]

Now we are starting to boogie!

[ Grunts ]

Hello, boy!

A P.T. boat?

There must be a crack

in the Bermuda Triangle.

- What?

- Uh, n-nothing, sir.

There's Vladakov!

Ah, McHale.

Sit!

There's a good dog.

Get ready, boys.

So, you want to play

Chicken, huh?

[ Machine Gun Fire Continues ]

Hold on!

Hang on! Hang on!

- Jose, kick in that nitrous!

- Coming right up!

Virgil, let him know

we're here.

Aye-aye, Skip.

McHale, I have someone here

who wants to speak to you.

- "Say, Hey, buddy."

- McHale!

-Recognize the voice?

-Hold your fire!

He's got Roberto!

Whoa. Incoming!

Hit the deck!

-Whoo! Yeah!

-Whoo!

- What was that?

- I think it was an explosion, sir.

- Let's go back and take a look.

- Okay, sir.

-Nice shot, Carpenter.

-Thanks.

-More power, Jose. Let's go.

-You got it.

McHale, look!

-Good job, kid.

-I'll get him, Skip.

- Thanks, Parker.

- Eeeyaah!

I'm comin', buddy boy.

[ Coughing ]

Just relax. Kick your feet.

What is that?

Let him have it!

- Oh. my God!

- Hey!

- Jose, we need more power!

- I'm givin' her all she's got!

-Is he still there?

-I don't know. He's not on the radar, sir.

-Firing torpedo number one!

-No, Skip! Not that one!

Sorry, Skip. I got a good

deal on 'em in Havana.

You ever hear of a humidor,

knucklehead?

-We're hit! We're hit!

-All right, take her down for a landing!

Firing torpedo number two!

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