Meet The Spy

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[The scene opens with a ringing alarm and a flashing board. The screen pans as the emergency is spelled out. We hear an ANNOUNCER's voice as well]

ANNOUNCER:
Intruder alert! A RED SPY is in the base!

[We then pan to the BLU SOLDIER standing at the board]

BLU SOLDIER:
A RED SPY is in the base?

[The BLU SOLDIER grabs his shotgun and dashes down the corridors of the base as "Intruder Alert" plays in the background]

ANNOUNCER:
Protect the briefcase.

BLU SOLDIER:
We need to protect the briefcase!

[We now see the BLU SCOUT trying to enter the room containing the briefcase by pulling on the locked doors]

BLU SCOUT:
Yo, a little help?

[BLU SOLDIER pushes BLU SCOUT aside and approaches a numerical keypad to attempt to access the room]

BLU SOLDIER:
Alright, alright, stand back son. [HE tries a combination] One. One. One. Uh...One!

BLU SCOUT:
Come on, come on...

[We now see the BLU HEAVY rushing down the hall at full speed, minigun in hand]

BLU HEAVY:
INCOMING!

[All three mercenaries scream at the top of their lungs. They all burst through the door which has fallen due to the BLU HEAVY's large body mass. The screaming calms as the BLU SCOUT pushes himself up and lands his arm on the briefcase]

BLU SCOUT:
Hey, it's still here.

[The BLU SPY clears his throat. We then pan the scene to see him at the entrance of the room carrying the corpse of the BLU SNIPER]

BLU SPY:
Gentlemen?

[The screen changes to the "Meet the Spy" title card for 4 seconds]

[The scene returns to the room containing the briefcase. We see the BLU SPY walk slowly towards the desk holding the briefcase]

BLU SPY:
I see the briefcase is safe?

BLU SOLDIER:
Safe and sound.

BLU SCOUT:
Yeah it is!

BLU SPY:
Now tell me. Did anyone happen to kill a RED SPY on the way here?

[The room goes silent for a second]

BLU SPY:
No? Then we still have a problem.

[The BLU SPY drops the corpse of the BLU SNIPER on the desk in front of him revealing a butterfly knife engraved in the BLU SNIPER's back]

BLU SOLDIER:
And a knife!

[The BLU SCOUT grabs the butterfly knife from the BLU SNIPER's back and starts to fidget with it]

BLU SCOUT:
Oo-oo-oo-ooh yeah, big problem. I've killed plenty of spies. They're dime-a-dozen backstabbing scumbags. Like you! [The butterfly knife cuts HIS finger] OW! No offense. [HE sucks on the wound]

[The BLU SPY takes the butterfly knife, closes it, and hands it back to the BLU SCOUT]

BLU SPY:
If you managed to kill them, I assure you, they were NOT like me. And nothing...NOTHING! Like the man loose inside this building!

BLU SCOUT:
What're you? President of his fan club?

[The mercenaries share a good laugh. The BLU SPY stops after a couple of seconds]

BLU SPY:
No. THAT would be your MOTHER!

[The BLU SPY drops a pile of photographs on the desk. Most of which is pornography including the RED SPY as well as the BLU SCOUT's mother]

BLU SCOUT:
What the--

[The BLU SCOUT stammers as the pornography is flashed on the screen. After five photographs are shown, we are back to our scene]

BLU SPY:
Indeed. And now HE is here to f*** US! Now listen up, boy. Or pornography starring your mother will be the second-worst thing that happens to you today.

[The BLU SCOUT is angered. Behind him, the BLU SOLDIER and BLU HEAVY are looking at the pornography]

BLU SOLDIER:
Oh! [HE shows BLU HEAVY the photograph in HIS hand. The BLU HEAVY looks in awe]

[The BLU SCOUT snatches the pornography from the hands of the BLU SOLDIER and BLU HEAVY as "Right ]

BLU SCOUT:
GIMME DAT!

[We now pan to the BLU SPY smoking a cigarette near the window of the room]

BLU SPY:
The spy has already breached our defenses.

[The scene changes to the RED SPY running down the corridors of the BLU TEAM's base. The RED SPY hides behind the wall and sees the BLU ENGINEER next to his sentry. The RED SPY begins running towards the sentry and slides a sapper under it, destroying it]

BLU ENGINEER:
Sentry down!

[The BLU ENGINEER is shot and falls into the next room. The RED SPY walks into the room and fires another shot.]

[The scene returns to the BLU TEAM's briefcase room. We see the BLU SNIPER's corpse]

BLU SPY:
See what he has done to our colleagues!

[The scene changes to the BLU SNIPER camping in a treehouse. The BLU SNIPER turns to see the RED SPY and swings at him with his machete. After missing a few swings, the BLU SNIPER is cut by the RED SPY's knife. The RED SPY finishes the BLU SNIPER off with a backstab then pushes him out of the treehouse window.]

[The scene changes to a closeup of the BLU SPY's face]

BLU SPY:
And worst of all, he could be any one of us.

[The scene changes once again. We see the RED SPY and the BLU MEDIC deuling]

BLU MEDIC:
Raus, raus!

[The RED SPY locks the BLU MEDIC in a vulnerable position and disguises as the BLU MEDIC]

BLU MEDIC:
Nein...

[The RED SPY, now disguised as the BLU MEDIC, chops his hand into the BLU MEDIC's neck, killing him. His glasses fall from the air. The disguised RED SPY catches the BLU MEDIC's glasses and puts them on]

[The scene changes one final time to the BLU TEAM's intelligence room]

BLU SPY:
He could be in this very room. He could be you. He could be me. He could EVEN be--

[The BLU SOLDIER shoots the BLU SPY in the head with his shotgun]

BLU SCOUT:
Woah, Woah, Woah!

BLU SOLDIER:
What? It was obvious. He's the RED SPY! Watch, he'll turn red any second now...

[The room goes silent for a moment. The BLU SOLDIER then hits the foot of the BLU SPY's foot with his shotgun]

BLU SOLDIER:
...Aaaaany second now. See? Red! No, wait, that's blood.

BLU HEAVY:
So we've still got problem.

[The BLU SCOUT is seen taking out the butterfly knife from before and walking towards the BLU HEAVY and BLU SOLDIER]

BLU SOLDIER:
Big problem. Alright, who's ready to go find the spy?

[The BLU SCOUT goes into smoke and, once out of it, he is revealed to be the RED SPY. He is now behind the BLU SOLDIER and BLU HEAVY with his knife above his head]

RED SPY:
Right behind you!

[As we see the "Team Fortress 2' title card, we hear the BLU SOLDIER and BLU HEAVY being stabbed and dying. The title card then disappears and, as "Chou-Fleur" begins to play in the background, we see the RED SPY sliding the pornography to the side, now revealing a less vulgar picture: The RED SPY and SCOUT'S MOTHER holding hands on a balcony. The RED SPY picks up the photograph]

RED SPY:
Ah. Ma petit chou-fleur.

[The RED SPY now leaves the scene as the screen fades to black]

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