Mini's First Time Page #8

What are you

talking about?

Don't f*** with me--

the negatives, where are they?

What?

How do you like that,

you son of a b*tch, huh?

You thought you could

have my wife,

then my daughter?

Well, l'm sorry, pal.

She's mine.

Okay, you listen to me,

you son of a b*tch,

you give me those negatives

or, so help me God,

l'm gonna crack

your head open!

Let him go!

- Go get the negatives.

- No, this is insane!

- Stop! No stop!

- l need those negatives.

You're gonna kill him!

Stop!

What the hell is wrong with you?

He's gonna tell everybody!

Freeze!

Sheriff's Department!

- Drop the club!

- He's crazy. l told him to stop.

l told him.

With Rudell having slipped

into a coma after the fight,

and Garson uncovering

my mom's affair with him,

suddenly that gas-gauge theory

went from circumstantial to airtight.

Martin realized trying

to pin anything on me

would probably

get him the chair.

At his sentencing,

l begged for leniency.

- Hey!

- Hey.

- l'm sorry l'm late.

- lt's okay.

l forgot to bring

that book you wanted.

lt's all right.

You can mail it to me.

Are you okay? Have you showered

since you've been in here?

Uh-huh.

You know, in here you

gotta be careful when you--

so how's school?

Oh my God, you'll never

guess what happened.

- What happened?

- As many of you know,

the past few months of my life

have been very difficult.

l don't know how l would've gotten

through it without all of you.

l really think it's a testament

to the love in this institution

that l stand before you today

as the first straight-C student

in school history

to be voted

valedictorian.

- But don't you have to be--

- The best student? l know.

But the students voted and they said

they wanted me to have it

for... ''demonstrating

remarkable courage

in the face

of unspeakable loss.''

Huh.

Wow, l wonder how the real

valedictorian must feel about that.

Again to Marvin Tepperman,

the real valedictorian,

he deserved this and l want to wish

him a speedy recovery.

l spoke

to his doctors today

and they say

with medication and therapy,

Marvin should be able

to attend Harvard this fall.

Did Rudell come out

of his coma yet?

l don't know. Why?

Why? Because if

he recovers,

he could blackmail you

with those pictures.

l wouldn't worry

about that.

Yeah, but if the DA

got those pictures, he could--

l'm pretty sure he won't be

doing anything with them.

l have met some people in here

who can help us with him

if it comes down

to that.

- Help us?

- Well, they know people on the outside

that we could pay to stop him

from taking advantage of you.

Oh, that's so romantic!

lt's like you're a real-life criminal

with connections and everything,

but l'm a little surprised

you haven't figured it out yet.

Figured what out?

Rudell didn't send

those pictures.

- You remember Aurelio?

- Aurelio?

- Our cabana boy from Mexico.

- Uh-huh.

Yeah, what a sweetie.

l thought l might

have to f*** him,

but just giving him

the camera was enough.

You mean that you...

While l may not have excelled

in the classroom,

l think that

my recent experiences

in that bigger schoolhouse

we call life

has taught me a few lessons that l'd

like to share with my fellow graduates.

Martin, it was pretty clear

Garson wasn't gonna give up,

and sooner or later

he'd find enough to charge us.

lt just seemed ridiculous that we'd

both end up suffering.

How could you

do this to me?!

Follow your heart

and don't question it

no matter where

it tells you to go.

Come on, you would have

done it if you'd thought of it first.

Why the f*** did you

do this to me?!

Trust me, it'll open up a world of new

experiences you can't even imagine.

Hey, listen,

since conjugal visits are

pretty much

out of the question,

l was thinking maybe we could try

a little prison phone sex.

You know, l might even

be able to pop one out right here

without anyone seeing.

Are you ready?

- Guard!

- Are you sure?

l won't be able

to come back for a few weeks.

Don't forget your family,

your parents.

- Wait, have you met someone in here?

- Guard!

Don't forget they're people too,

and while you may not always

agree with them...

Why, you old dog! l knew you wouldn't

be single in here for long.

...remember to love them

when they need love.

Guard, she did it!

She just admitted it!

And l mean

really love them.

Don't just pay them

lip service.

lt was her idea!

lt was your f***ing idea!

- Really do it whenever you can.

- Don't let her leave!

She's guilty! Get the warden!

What the f*** are you--

- l know l did.

- You little f***in' whore!

l'm gonna kill you,

you little f***in' b*tch!

Get down!

And l just wish that

my dad could be here today,

so that after this speech,

l could walk into the audience

and give him my love right here

in front of all of you.

Come here!

Motherfucking--

Thank you

and good luck.

Hmm, persistent,

isn't he?

The truth is l wouldn't mind

being cuffed by him,

and he would be

my first detective.

Like l promised--

with desire,

focus and the willingness

to treat any obstacle as an opportunity,

it's amazing

what you can accomplish.

And in case

you're feeling guilty

about having no one

to identify with but me, relax.

There's a first time

for everything.

THE END:

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