Misery Loves Comedy Page #7

but it's not like I had a talent

for it, you know what I mean?

Excuse me, I have tuberculosis.

Um, I don't think it's

contagious, Kevin Pollak,

who is not sitting here with me.

Kevin Pollak, Kevin Pollak.

I think it is.

No, it might be.

Contagious.

I might have to take the waters.

It took me three years

to get on stage

for the first time.

Because... and the reason why

I finally got on stage

was that there was a contest.

It's always a contest.

So the prize was, um,

a check for $200

and the opportunity to

perform at the DC Improv.

Then thing that I worried about

when I first started

doing stand-up

was whether or not

I was crazy enough

to be a comedian, you know,

because I didn't really

understand what

being a stand-up...

I mean, I was doing sets

in comedy clubs

for almost a year

before I realized,

there's guys who you haven't even

heard of who don't have a day job

who are just doing

comedy clubs, you know?

I didn't know that that was

a thing that could happen.

I thought, "I'm going to the club

where Robin Williams started

"and someone's gonna

see me like they saw him

and then I'm gonna be

in a TV show."

That's what I thought

was gonna happen.

And I said to the club manager,

I said, "I want to do this

again, when can I do it?"

And they handed me a mop

and they said,

"Well, there's

no spots available,

"but, uh, but if you, you know,

if you run food to tables

"and sell tickets and things

like that, then we'll,

you know, we'll keep you in mind

for fallouts and cancelations."

And so I kicked around the DC Improv

for about three or four years

and eventually I was opening

for people like Brian Regan

and Jake Johannsen

and Mitch Hedberg,

these incredible comics

who taught me

everything about comedy.

It's about immersion,

it's about living...

Like, when I worked at the DC Improv,

I was there all the time.

I was there the nights I worked,

I was there the nights I didn't work.

I would...

I went to every show,

I saw comedians

who were nothing like me.

I... I saw Larry the Cable Guy

and Rodney Carrington.

People who you think you have

nothing in common with,

but really, comedians

have everything in common.

Cab driver, paralegal,

private chauffeur,

you know, stuff like that,

and I'm lost.

- I'm a lost soul, you know?

- In New York.

Yes, a lost soul.

Parents beside themselves.

"What are we gonna do?"

Yes.

Went to university.

I would overhear conversations

that were heartbreaking,

you know, terrible.

About you?

Yeah, about me, yeah.

"Oh!"

you know, "What are we gonna do," you know?

"What's he gonna do

with himself?"

They sent me to a psychiatrist, you know?

Sure.

And, um, so I take the subway

to Brooklyn to the psychiatrist

and, you know, what...

what are you... You can't

do anything for me. No.

So, um, then I...

then...

I don't know how or why

I thought of this,

but I decided to

take an acting class.

When I saw Bob Odenkirk and

David Cross for the first time,

I was like, "Oh, they're

doing what I could do.

"That's my sense of humor

and they're making a living

at it, maybe I could do this."

I always assumed no one...

Because I...

Look, I grew up

as a terrible nerd

who was considered to be ugly

and undateable,

- so...

- Chapter one.

So to... so I used humor,

but when you are

ugly and undateable,

the thing that people say to you

when you're trying to be funny

is, "Stop trying to be funny.

You're not funny."

At 25, I saw other comedians

doing the stuff that

I thought I was funny at,

so I did it, and within a week

of performing comedy

for the first time,

I now was a comedian.

And I told people,

"I'm a comedian," and people went,

"Oh, that's why you act the way

you act. Oh, you're funny."

We do come from

the misfit island of toys,

so we should be kind of

weird looking.

I try and communicate

that to my children.

I'm like, "There's nothing

wrong with being weird."

Um, you know,

it's a very strange...

'Cause I wish someone

would have told me that.

'Cause I feel like

that's something culturally

that we kind of toss around

but really,

being different is good.

Um, so I guess, uh,

yeah, when I...

And I know this has been

talked about before

and it's a lot more

open in society,

I know Jonathan Winters

talked about it in the '60s,

um, but, uh,

being in a psych ward,

like, I...

That was just...

To talk about that, like,

that was, like, really, uh,

I felt very ashamed of that.

And then to now,

you know, in stand-up,

you say it the first time and it's

like your voice is kind of shaking,

- you know?

- Yeah.

And then, like,

10 times in, it's like,

"Oh, so you're in

the psych ward, as you do,"

and you get so much

more relaxed about it.

And then finally, it's like,

you can talk about it with anybody. Yeah.

And that has been

a real gift to me, to...

that the art form allows us,

like, you can talk

about anything.

"I'd like to go on."

On a Saturday night.

On a Saturday night.

He said, "Who are you?"

I said, "I'm just...

I'm in the audience."

He said, "Have you ever

done comedy before?"

I said... I said, "No."

He said,

"No, you can't go on."

He said, "You have to audition," you know?

Yeah.

I don't think I got into it because

I was essentially narcissistic

or even that I was

looking for love.

Like, I feel like

I got into stand-up

because, you know,

I needed to be seen.

And I... and I thought that,

like, that stage,

I can do whatever I want,

whatever I want.

The only context is, you should get laughs.

Should.

That's even conditional depending

on how much you're being paid

and if you're not being paid at all,

you can do whatever you want.

You can yell, you can spit,

you can tell people

to f*** themselves.

It's great, you can do that

publicly, yell in front of...

But I think that, like, for me,

it was just a matter of, like, you know,

I felt that I had something to say

and I thought that comedy, for me,

when I watched it when I was a kid,

I was like, these guys

have a handle on things.

They can take life

and just turn a few phrases

and, like, they got a handle

on it and you learn things,

you see things in a different way

and they seem to be, you know,

in control of this horrendous

you know, hurricane of bullshit

that comes at us every day and I

think that's what appealed to me,

is like, how can I get a voice

that somehow can manage life

and... and be seen,

kind of like, "I exist

and I have things to say."

It's easily

the single craziest thing

that I have ever done

in my life.

Was...

Going up to Bud, asking him to go on.

Thank God he said no.

You have to nourish a delusion,

uh, you know, to sort of

you know, make your way...

to keep pushing

in show business.

You really have to

nourish your delusion.

And what's frightening,

I think, sometimes,

is that, you know,

people don't know when to stop,

you know what I mean?

It's like...

Comedy intervention.

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