Moms' Night Out Page #3

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- Yes, I am.

I'm showing marked improvement.

You have to give me that.

- I'm... I...

- I want credit.

Who is that?

That'll be Bridget.

What?

Yeah, I called Bridget and invited her

to dinner, and, uh, then I forgot.

Dinner?

- Yeah.

- Open up, you community of losers.

- I'm hungry.

- It's okay. Just...

You know, it's fine. We'll

just whip something up.

- Oh, we'll just whip something up?

- Yeah.

Yeah, 'cause that's usually how

that happens. We do it together.

Looking forward to whipping

something up with you, together.

Wind it up! Whoop, whoop!

This is Sean's

half-sister, Bridget.

Bridget says awkward things.

Bridget has no filter.

Hey, I'm not done with that!

Give it back.

So, um, great news.

I got a new job.

We needed a little more,

so, um, I picked up a night

shift at a bowling alley.

Cool.

That is unbelievably cool.

Oh, no. Here it comes.

She knows I compulsively

take care of people.

I can't say no.

I start on Saturday night

and I was hoping

you could watch Phoenix

while I work.

- Saturday night?

- Mmm-hmm.

Oh, yeah, um, normally, yes.

But I'm actually glad

you brought that up

because I planned this,

uh, moms' night thing.

- Oh.

- You what?

For Saturday.

You planned a moms' night?

I did. I planned one.

You always babysit

Phoenix on the weekends.

I was sort of counting on

you when I got the job.

Yeah, um...

You know when a flight attendant

goes through the safety thing?

You know when they say, uh, you have

to put on your oxygen mask first

- before assisting others?

- Are we flying somewhere?

Is this what we're...

Yeah. Yeah, you need

your oxygen mask.

You have to have your mask

on before assisting others.

- Ah.

- Right? Before you can help others!

Wow, Sean. We get it!

It's a metaphor. I think we both...

We got it.

It's a very good metaphor. Thank

you for pointing that out.

You're welcome.

- You will go...

- Saturday.

- Saturday night. You will go Saturday night.

- Saturday night.

- Saturday night?

- Saturday night.

- Really?

- It's Saturday.

Oh, no! Sean can't play video games

on Saturday night

with his loser friends.

First of all, that's low.

You don't even know Kevin.

I know Kevin.

Kevin is Sean's friend.

Sean met Kevin when they

were in the fifth grade.

They started playing video

games as juveniles.

They still play video

games like juveniles.

Don't stand right

behind me, move over!

No, no, no, no, no.

Backup, backup.

I just died.

Kevin hates kids.

Well, I hate kids.

You don't hate kids.

I hate kids.

Somehow Sean justifies

this relationship.

No, I didn't shoot you.

The guy behind you shot you.

I use video games to

transition from work stress.

That's my oxygen!

I put mine on, video,

I can help you put yours on,

and then you can help

the rest of the world.

Thank you.

Who's gonna watch the baby?

What about Joey?

Joey is Bridget's ex.

He's a fun guy.

In a non-committal, allergic to

all responsibility kind of way.

No. I tried that.

Here's the thing, you're going out

and I'm gonna, uh, watch Phoenix.

- You're gonna watch Phoenix?

- I will watch Phoenix.

Big brother to the rescue once

again and everybody's happy.

I don't need your charity and I

certainly don't need your metaphors.

So I'm gonna go

get you to bed 'cause that's

the responsible thing to do.

'Cause I'm so responsible.

Later.

See you later.

Look for your oxygen!

You'll find it!

Thought that went well.

And also, uh, Marco's

bringing the twins over

because he's afraid

to watch them alone.

- What?

- Surprise! Sorry.

That's a lot of kids.

Wow.

Wow, honey,

you look amazing.

Are you sure tonight's okay?

Because I'm starting

to feel guilty again...

- It's fine!

- That's okay?

- Come on! Yes!

- Okay.

You're gonna have fun, all right?

- I've got this, all right?

- Okay.

I'm not gonna call you unless

there's a natural disaster

and then I might not

even call you, okay?

The house could be flying,

I'm not calling you at that point.

- Promise me you'll do one thing.

- Okay.

Promise me that you'll do

whatever it takes to...

To unplug and just breathe.

I promise.

Kevin!

Allyson.

Kevin?

Yeah, Kevin's coming.

- What?

- He's gonna help with the kids.

He might help with the kids.

He's here to help.

I think he had a free night.

Kevin is babysitting?

No, no, no, no. I'm babysitting.

Kevin's just here.

Get in here, Stout

Flipper. Let's do this.

What?

His gamertag.

Please tell me you

are not going to be

playing those violent

video games...

Double kill!

With our son!

You know what? You're gonna

have to define violence

because that Lego game you got him,

those characters

shatter into, like,

a million pieces, and that is sick.

- What?

- Right? Okay? Just breathe.

Don't wanna know.

Not tonight, 'cause

I love everybody.

I don't wanna know. I don't.

Destroy them all!

Okay, you know what childhood

friends do eventually?

Oh, just say it.

- They grow up.

- There it is!

Let's go.

One night, dude!

Okay.

Good.

I gotta breathe.

Izzy. Breathe.

Breathe.

Hold on!

This is beautiful.

You're positive. Oh, crud!

I know you'll do great.

Uh, yeah. Okay, well, I mean, I have

the wipies and I have the diapers.

I've got no red dye, 'cause I

know it drives them crazy, right?

But you said there were three emergency

numbers. I only have two, Izzy.

- I only...

- Stop second-guessing yourself.

No, I'm actually not.

I have full confidence in myself

and my abilities as a father.

See, it's one night.

I believe in you.

And you shouldn't.

I mean, what's the worst

thing that can happen?

Serious injury, death, they could get

maimed, I could lose both children!

It's getting hot in here!

I feel...

We gotta get the air looked at.

So, good luck.

Ah, you look gorgeous.

Okay. I wanna have crazy fun.

- Got it.

- Get me out of here.

- Yes, ma'am. Let's go.

- Now.

Whose credit cards

did this all go on?

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.

You are never wearing those.

Over my dead body, and my credit

cards won't work if I'm dead.

But everybody's wearing them.

Really?

Well, I'm not wearing them and your

father's not wearing them. Thank God.

- Hi!

- I'll just be a second.

Okay.

Oh, wow. Ally's not wearing them.

- So, whose car are we taking?

- Oh, can we take Ray's?

I can't be seen riding around

in Ray's midlife crisis,

and anyway, it's a cop magnet.

I am so sorry that I wanna go out

with a guy that I met from church!

How wild of me.

Wow, I'm so crazy!

- Hold on.

- Okay.

Okay. You are not going anywhere

until your father gets home

and he's gonna agree with

me when he gets home,

so good luck with that.

Here I come.

Oh, yeah. Oh, good! Okay.

It was working a minute ago.

Why does it keep cutting out?

Well, because my daughter spilled

apple juice all over it.

Here, you just have to...

Kind of loud!

The volume doesn't

really work either.

Yes.

What about a CD, hmm?

Oh. Do you have any Amy Grant?

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