Moms' Night Out Page #6

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There's a crazy lady

in my restaurant.

She just brought her crazy

baby sister, or mini-her.

There's two crazy ladies now.

One crazy lady first.

Now two crazy ladies.

Chez Magique.

Marco! Get it off! Get it off!

Marco! Marco!

Where's the bird?

Do you see it?

Shh. Where's my bird?

Where's my bird?

I sat on it.

- Hmm.

- I'm dead.

- I'm gonna kill you!

- No, no.

- Kill you!

- Stop, stop. Okay, okay.

In your sleep!

Yep, yep. Okay. Let's go.

It's...

Just, it's nothing. It's...

How am I supposed to get him?

I took the bus to get here.

If I leave work early

on my first night,

I'm gonna get fired!

On my first night!

I need this job.

- Ally.

- I've got the van.

We'll run, we'll pick him up.

We can fix this.

Get right back on schedule.

Best night out ever will just be

on pause for 30 minutes, right?

And then do what with the baby?

I haven't gotten that far yet.

Let's get the van, then...

Where's the van?

I parked it right there.

It only takes a couple of

seconds to steal a car.

That's what Marco says.

Always lock everything up.

I did! Am I crazy?

So, what do I do? Do I

report it to the police?

With what phones?

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no!

You guys don't have phones?

Okay, I'm freaking out now.

My phone's back at work.

We'll just use mine.

Okay, great. Let's go.

Oh, hey, can you ask them and

see if they saw anything?

And don't forget our shoes.

But maybe not wear them.

My feet are killing me.

Uh, uh, there, uh...

There are a bunch

of stickers on there.

So, there's a fish one

that's pretty faded.

And, um, "Eat Organic."

"My homeschooler is smarter

than your honor student."

There are a bunch of others,

but I don't really

wanna talk about them.

But you get the idea. Okay?

It's an emergency. It's personal.

We think it was taken

sometime around 8:00.

- Hey, I called a cab.

- Great.

Okay, thank you very much.

Are you sure this is the

fastest way to Davis Street?

Absolutely. This is

the fastest way.

Why don't you just

cut over on to Eighth?

He should take the expressway.

Are you from England?

No, I just watched a little bit of

the BBC and I picked up the accent.

I'm a cabbie, luv.

It's my occupation.

Why do people from other

countries always sound smarter?

Because we are smarter, which

is why this is the fastest way.

- Okay, can you step on it?

- Why, you're all very lovely,

but, no, I'm not gonna get a

ticket for the four of you.

Well, we're trying

to find her baby,

who happens to be stuck

in a tattoo parlor.

Yeah, well, that's none

of my business.

Are you having a laugh?

Road, road, road!

- Right!

- Watch...

Right.

Onward!

I'm sorry. Where are

we going again?

So, can you wait just five minutes?

Is that an actual five minutes,

or is that a ladies'

night five minutes?

How long can it take to get a baby?

Is Bones here?

Yeah, he's working.

Can you go get him, please?

'Cause I have a question for him.

He, apparently, has her baby...

I need to talk to him right now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Simmer down, y'all. I can't even

understand what you're saying right now.

Like, Chill.

For real.

Look, we're here to get Phoenix.

See, that's what I'm talking about.

Phoenix.

Rising from the ashes.

That's number 97 over there.

But I think you should

do it across your back,

'cause it'll be real

pretty-like right there.

No, no, no, she was talking...

- Shh!

- Sorry.

Phoenix is my baby.

Well, do you have a picture?

'Cause Bones needs a picture

to get the tattoo perfect.

You know what I'm saying? 'Cause

them little hellions are hard to draw.

None of us want a tattoo!

I want a tattoo.

- Yeah, you do.

- Okay.

Phoenix is my baby

and he's in the back.

And we are here to pick him up.

But who would bring a baby

to a tattoo parlor?

- Like, that's dumb. That's real dumb.

- I know, right?

Yeah, that's actually

a viable question.

Illegal.

Hello.

Okay, I'm officially

freaking out now.

Bridget, it's gonna be okay.

Okay, so, there's no baby

back there, which is awesome.

But you guys had me.

I was a little scared,

like, maybe you were from the

health department or something.

Okay. We're gonna

come up with a plan.

You were gonna arrest me,

or maybe worse, cut off

my hair, like, what!

- We'll figure it out.

- Okay.

What would happen

if you cut my hair?

It's okay, though. Look, Bones is

gonna help you when he's done.

Everything's okay.

Like, we're good.

I need to talk to Bones right now!

You can't rush art.

What is wrong with you?

Are you hearing what I'm saying?

You know what? I am just...

I'm gonna call the police.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Look, calm down.

Look, you're scaring everyone.

Like, look, seriously, I'm

gonna have to ask you to leave

and take your little

Housewives of Ohio with you.

- Like, for real. Go. You just scared everyone.

- Ladies.

And take this one, 'cause she's

been eyeing me the whole night.

- Follow me.

- Follow mama bear. That's right.

I was just kidding. You're cute.

I'm married.

I love you.

So, what do I do? Should

I call the police? Ally?

I don't...

Okay, ladies. Follow me.

- What?

- Back door.

Oh!

Watch it. Watch it, ladies.

Germs. Germs everywhere!

Be careful there.

Okay, don't touch that.

There's hair in it.

Okay.

You know, this is a bad idea.

No, no, no, no! We can

get this open, right?

- Who wants to help?

- Bridge...

Ain't no money back here,

so turn yours...

- Hey.

- Bones, it's me, Bridget.

Bridget. Hey, baby girl, what

are you doing back here?

Oh, I'm just here to get Phoenix.

Joey said he dropped him

off with you, right?

Yeah. Oh.

I love that kid.

You ever notice that he snorts

when he starts to laugh?

Adorable, he really is, but...

Do I know you from somewhere?

My husband is the pastor

of First Baptist.

No, that's not it.

I can't go an hour without a

smoke, and it's an awful habit.

I also know that you should not do

that around a baby... Bonnaroo?

No.

I could have swore I know you...

Bones, Bone, Bones! My baby.

So, I called Caprice

and Caprice said

she'd take him until Joe got back.

- Caprice Stevens?

- Mmm-hmm.

Joey's ex!

It's okay. She don't smoke.

She's a non-smoker.

You need her address?

No, I know where she lives!

You ladies should really stay

out of the alleys, though.

There's some unsavory types of

fellows hanging out back here.

- Open this door now!

- Ladies, ladies. Can we not...

Oi, what's going on?

Would someone please

communicate with me?

- What's your problem?

- Where is Caprice?

She went out, man.

Went out where?

She didn't say. Who are you?

We're here to pick up

baby Phoenix, my nephew.

My son.

Oh, right, right. Yeah, your baby's

been screaming his lungs out.

What do you mean?

Why? Is he okay?

- What happened?

- Where did she go?

I told you, I don't know.

Okay. Let me in here,

you worthless pothead!

Whoa, whoa.

Let me handle this, girls.

Let me handle this.

Uh, you. Now, look at you.

You pathetic primitive.

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