Mother's Day Page #10

to say this in the line of duty,

but who's got the

registration for the vagina?

We do. But we already

missed the parade.

There's a parade of vaginas?

Yup, there sure was.

Well, that's okay.

Now we can have

a real family picnic together.

Love you, too, Mom.

Happy Mother's Day.

Did she just kiss me?

We missed the parade,

but we're gonna have a picnic!

I'm proud of you, Earl.

Oh, thank you, Fluffy.

Thanks for taking us, Kimberly.

Oh, and for brunch, too.

I bet my dad's

going to kill you.

Please, I can handle him.

I am a pole dancer.

Bring it on!

Wow. I think your daddy used his

veteran's discount at ProFlowers.

Surprise!

Dad, what is all this?

Oh, this is everything they

had left at the flower shop.

Okay, but why is it here?

I thought it was about time we

started celebrating Mother's Day.

I better go find my babies.

And for my first surprise, for the

youngest, Vicky, voil.

Oh.

Whoa.

A karaoke machine!

That's right, yes.

Young lady, that's for you.

But these are...

These are Mom's car keys.

Yeah, I sold the car anyway,

but figured you'd want the keys.

Kidding, you get the car, too.

Oh, my God, thank you.

You're very welcome.

Thank you.

Look at this place.

Mmm.

Dad, did you invite him?

No.

No, I hired him

to run the punch bowl.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm going to go get some punch.

All right.

Hey.

Hey.

Thanks for coming

on such short notice.

I'm so proud of you.

Thank you.

I am.

Thank you.

Hi.

Hey, neighbor.

Hey.

Hi, I'm Lexy.

Lexy.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you as well.

Um, yeah, well,

please help yourself

to the punch and smell

the flowers. Go nuts.

That's the sexy mom

we were telling you about.

Oh, that makes sense,

okay, yeah.

Well, that might be a little too

much for me right now, you know?

Fair enough.

Mmm-hmm.

I'm going to

keep trying, though.

No, please do.

That's a great start.

Hey.

Wow!

Do you know what it is?

No.

It's a karaoke machine.

That's cool.

What's that button do?

That's an echo,

so it makes it sound like...

My God, you people on steroids?

Wait, hello, Tina?

It's me. I really need your help right now.

What?

I don't know what to do.

Wait, Tina, slow down. What's wrong?

What's wrong?

It's Mikey.

He can't breathe.

Okay, that's his asthma.

No, I know, Henry warned me

that it's bad this time of year

and there's a lot of ragweed.

Where's his inhaler?

It's here, but it's empty

and I can't find the backup.

Where's Henry?

He's at the store

and he's not answering.

All right, just take him

to the freezer.

He's not hungry.

I know he's not hungry.

It's just that breathing in the

cold air really helps him,

so just go, go, go, go.

Let's go the freezer, okay?

You're going to be okay.

You're going to be fine.

Yeah, just breathe this in.

Okay, all right.

Oh, my gosh,

Sandy, I am so scared.

I know, I know.

Listen, I keep a spare inhaler

in his backpack.

Okay, yep. I got it.

I'll put you on speaker.

Okay, where?

Okay. There are four pockets.

It's in the one

that has the rat on it.

There's no zipper on the rat.

It's on the side of the rat!

It's on the side

of the rat, sorry.

It's all right, I got you.

I got you.

Come here, buddy.

Here you go.

Come on, come on. I got you.

I want Mommy.

Okay, Mommy's coming, honey.

You're okay.

Daddy's going to make

you feel all better, you know that.

Okay, give him three puffs

and then give him three more

in 30 minutes if he needs it, okay?

I don't like his color.

I'm going to take him to the ER.

All right, then go.

Just go, go and I'll meet you there.

Get his stuff.

Hey, DJ, hit it.

Here we go.

All right!

Stop whatcha doin'

'Cause I'm about to ruin

The image and the

style that ya used to

I look funny, right?

But, yo, I'm makin ' money, see?

So, yo world I hope

you're ready for me

My name is Humpty

Pronounced with a "umpty"

Yo, moms Oh, how I

like to love thee

And all the fathers

in the Top 10

Please allow me to bump thee

I'm steppin ' tall, y'all

And just like Humpty Dumpty

You're gonna fall

when the stereos pump me

I'm still rockin '

these pink pants

And I even got my own dance

The Humpty Dance is your

chance to do the hump

That's right, folks,

help me out.

- Do me, baby!

- Do the Humpty hump

Girls, get up here.

Dance with your old man. Come on.

Do the Humpty hump

Watch me do the Humpty hump

Yeah, yeah. Uh!

Do the Humpty hump

Watch me...

Where'd he go?

Dad!

Are you okay, Dad?

Yeah, I'm okay, Vicky.

Rachel, how does my leg look?

Great, Dad.

What about my right leg?

Someone call 911.

See what happens when

you let white boys rap?

There you go, folks.

Happy Mother's Day.

Don't move, Dad.

I'm coming down.

Rach, it might be time to

practice driving to the hospital.

Got it.

I hope it's okay that I'm here.

I knew it was you

the moment I saw you.

We were 16 and in love.

What, puppy love?

No, true love, epic,

"plan your whole life

around it" kind of love,

and then there was you.

His family moved to another city

the day we gave them the news

and my parents pulled me

out of school for a year.

My mother never really

looked at me the same again.

Forever disappointed, I think.

It was never

even a consideration

if I would get to

keep you, actually.

She said she found a nice

family that lived in Hawaii.

They weren't nice.

They were wonderful.

I know they've passed.

I'm sorry.

My parents are gone, too.

It's just you and me.

Part of the deal

was that they would

send me a picture

of you every year

so that I could

just see that you were okay.

Wow. What?

I don't understand.

Why didn't you ever contact me?

That was the other

part of the deal.

So, I lost my true love and you,

and I didn't want

to replace that,

so I went for a

career and that is what I have.

What is that?

That's your granddaughter.

That's my boyfriend, Zack.

Katie, I want you to

meet someone special.

This is Katie.

Katie, do you

want to meet someone?

Yes.

That's your grandma.

Hello.

Hey, how is he?

He's good.

He's back to his normal self.

Oh, thank God.

They're supposed to be bringing him out.

I'm going to go check.

Thank God. Oh, good.

Hi.

Hi. You okay?

Hi.

Yes.

Sandy, I am so sorry.

Yeah.

I don't know what

happened to his inhaler.

That's why we have a backup.

Your middle name is now backup.

Okay. I just...

I really panicked.

I know.

How do you stay so calm?

Well, Tina, it just takes time.

It's time.

I mean, Peter's...

Thirteen.

How old?

How old are you?

Thirteen.

Thirteen. It takes

13 years, you know?

So, just give yourself a break.

Otherwise, you're going

to really wear yourself down

and it's going to piss me off.

Make that one of your rules.

That's good.

Whose child is this?

Mommy!

Oh, baby, hi.

Mommy, can I have

some candy, please? Oh...

Sly move.

I told you you'd be okay.

All right, I'm going to get you some

candy and maybe one for myself.

Hold this, please.

Now, since it's Mother's Day

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