Mother's Day Page #11

and I am a mother,

I'd like to introduce a very special guest,

my daughter, Kristin.

She has something very special

she would like to say.

Father of my child,

light of my life,

Zack, will you marry me?

And because I made

you wait so long,

I'd like to do it today,

while my mother's still here.

Well, will you?

Wha...

Uh...

The show's pre-taped.

Will you?

Well, you know,

I'm going to have

to think it over.

Hmm.

Okay, I did.

Yes.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Oh...

Oh, I think it's time.

Gotta go.

Oh...

Where's my purse?

Where are the keys?

Good luck, you guys.

Time for a wedding.

Where's Shorty? Shorty?

Me.

You're Shorty?

Yeah.

Should have guessed.

Okay, listen,

Miranda wants to throw

a big expensive wedding

at the best hotel,

but Kristin wants

to get married here

because that's

where they first met.

Great, and we'll do our best

to make it expensive.

Well, thank you for that.

Who's going to

perform the ceremony?

I'm officiating.

You got a license?

Of course, from

the online church of Idaho.

Can we do this now?

Wow. We're gonna make a buck.

Paging

Dr. Freeman and Dr. Sheehan.

Please report to

the nurse's station.

Come on.

Are you kidding me?

This is what's going

to happen today?

All right, okay.

God!

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Oh, God.

Whoa.

You know what?

Guys, let's go this way.

Let's not get involved.

Come on, here we go.

Oh...

Hey, tampon man.

Right?

Remember at the...

Hey.

Hi.

Hi there.

Um...

We were...

Yes.

Yeah, of course, hi.

It's actually Bradley.

Oh, Bradley.

Yeah.

These are my daughters.

This is Rachel, and this is Vicky.

Hi.

Hi.

This is...

Sandy.

With two sons.

Yes, that's right.

Um...

You all right?

You know what? No.

I'm kind of in

a little bit of a situation.

Okay. I got you.

It's so silly.

Girls, do me a favor,

why don't you run

and go find and see

if someone has a key for this?

There's, like, a security

guard up front I'm sure.

It probably looks

kind of suspicious.

Are you wondering how I got into

this predicament?

Mmm.

No, I'm not really.

You see what happens every time...

Uh-huh.

...I try to get up?

It's caught on something.

It's not coming down

any further, all right,

well, let me see

what I can do there.

Pull your wrist over this way.

Ow! Careful.

What?

It's a Miranda Collins

bracelet, just, you know. Oh...

What did you do to your leg?

Another hip-hop-related

casualty is all.

Hip hop?

Yeah. What about you?

Why are you here?

Are you in

the psychiatric wing?

No. My son had

an asthma attack.

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

Is he okay?

Yeah, he's all back to normal,

so I'm getting him this candy.

I got you, we'll get it.

Oh, bend it, bend it.

Here, I'm going to

pull it down. There.

Ow...

Whoa. Awesome.

Ta-da.

Wait.

You're free.

Get that thing down here.

This thing?

Get that Skittle.

That's why I did it

in the first place.

Don't. This is

what's going to happen.

Hey, all right.

Yeah.

That's amazing.

Nicely done.

Get it.

Wait. Oh, you know what,

while we're in here...

Okay, but if anybody catches us,

we'll say you're stealing

candy for sick kids.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

I owe you one.

No, random act of kindness.

Well, thank you.

Do you need a ride?

No, we have a car.

Yeah. Of course, of course.

Yeah.

And I...

What am I thinking?

I've got my kids,

my ex-husband, his new wife.

Oh...

It's a carful.

Wow.

Yeah, I'm divorced, too.

Oh, um...

Actually, my wife

passed away, so...

Oh...

Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, that must make today so hard.

It's okay.

It's starting to be okay.

Thank you.

Dad, we looked everywhere.

We couldn't...

No, no, no.

We're good, actually.

- She's free.

- Free.

Emancipated.

Yeah. We're good. Yup.

Yeah. Um...

So...

Well, hey, I will see

you around, I guess.

That would be nice.

Wait, my dad owns a fitness gym.

Give her your card.

You should totally stop by,

you know, try a yoga class

or pole dancing even. Mmm.

It helps you get in

touch with your body.

Mmm-hmm.

I've heard.

This is my gym.

It is?

I go to this gym.

What?

I just signed up,

like, a couple weeks ago.

How have I not seen you?

I've never seen you there.

I know, how have I

never seen you there?

That's weird.

That's so weird.

All right, well, great,

so maybe I'll see you there sometime.

Thanks.

Yeah, thank you.

- Go here.

- Like that? No, this?

Go up.

Oh, no, that's terrible.

I love it.

All right.

Let's eat, guys.

Let's eat, Mom.

Mom!

Whoa!

Mom, you didn't tell

me you were coming.

Surprise.

Oh.

I didn't know you were coming.

Beta, I need money to

tip the Ubber driver.

Okay, it's Uber.

I came to see you.

How did you know

we were even here?

I'm a mother.

Mmm...

Flo, it's so good to see you.

Oh, my goodness.

We did it.

Okay.

Oh. Oh!

Wow! You look

really nice.

Are you ready?

I am ready.

Oh, but, um, I think

I'll need someone to hold Katie.

It would be my honor.

Okay, you ready?

Come to Grandma.

Oh.

Ooh, sticky.

They're always sticky.

Ugh.

I mean...

Okay.

All right, there we go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

A little higher.

Don't drop her.

Little bit higher.

Yup, perfect. Got it.

- Got it.

- Okay.

Should we start without you?

Oh, no, we're good to go.

Thanks, Dominic.

Okay.

All right, let's go.

Ma, how long are you staying?

We'll see.

Earl and I may stay awhile, too.

They have a big house.

Sorry that took so long.

Here, honey.

Just let me finish these release

papers and you'll be on your way.

Thanks, you've

been very helpful.

Well, that was one of our

more eventful Mother's Days.

I mean, to be honest,

I really prefer the really boring, sweet,

burnt pancakes in bed,

you know what I mean?

I'm sorry about yesterday.

That party was really stupid.

I can't believe you had a llama.

I can't believe I had a llama.

And an alpaca.

Hey, kids, what do you say

we go to IHOP for dinner?

Yeah!

Breakfast for dinner.

Yeah.

Your mom and I just have to

wait for this paperwork.

We'll be a few minutes.

Yeah, we'll just

wait in the car.

Okay, come on, boys.

Come on.

Hey, Sandy.

Hey, Sandy with two sons!

So, who's Captain Pink Pants?

Oh!

Uh, first of all,

they're salmon.

Oh, is that what those were?

And they're cute.

Anyone I should know about?

Oh, trust me, I'll shock

you when it's permanent.

Yeah, and does he know how

you hate beards? Oh...

You know what, I think it's

actually quite sexy on him.

Oh...

And we're back to normal.

Yeah.

- Uh-oh.

- Whoo!

This is just how I pictured it.

Can we vow this up, please?

We got people

waiting for tables.

Oh...

Oh.

All right.

We are gathered here

to unite these two souls.

Who is giving

this young lady away?

I do, but I'm going to hold

onto this one a little longer.

Zack, do you take...

I do.

Before she changes her mind.

And do you, Kristin?

I do, and I won't

be changing my mind.

I now pronounce

you husband and wife.

If you don't kiss her, I will.

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