Mother's Day Page #2

Mother's Day stuff

and I start thinking about

how I haven't talked to Mom.

I don't even remember what our

stupid argument was about.

Oh, let me refresh your memory.

She saw a picture of you

and Russell on Facebook,

and even though he's a doctor,

she threatened to disown you

if you continue to date a man whose

skin was darker than a Frappuccino.

Okay, I get it.

Look, you can always call her,

not that I understand why you

would want to, or Skype.

She's into that now.

Our parents have the Internet?

How do they do that

with a rotary phone?

Hmm. Fancier trailer park?

Well, when are you planning on

telling them about you and Max?

Never.

I'm engaged to an investment

banker named Steven.

We have not set the date yet.

He has low sperm count

and I'm in therapy.

That's my story.

Maybe if you tell them about you two

first, it'll soften the blow for me.

Don't even try to piggyback

your secret on my secret.

Besides, she's in Texas.

We're fine.

Yeah, we're fine,

just motherless

this time of year.

There's a reason we

moved here to Georgia.

She ruins everything, remember?

I mean, at least

everything we let her.

I just feel like

we don't have family.

I'm your sister.

I live next door to you.

Thank you very much.

Thanks.

Little hot, careful.

Mmm.

It's really hot.

What did you want to talk about?

Sounded so important.

Uh...

Oh, my God, what is it?

I, uh...

I, um...

I got married.

Eloped, actually.

Very impulsive.

You got married?

Yeah.

You got... To who?

To Tina.

To Tina?

Yeah, to Tina.

To Tina?

Stop saying, "To Tina."

I'm sorry,

I'm so confused right now.

I mean, I thought

you guys broke up so long ago.

We did.

But then there

was that stripper.

Dancer, yeah.

Stripper.

And then, Tina and I

got back together.

How does this...

Wow. You got back together.

She's the one.

Ah.

Well, let's say the next one.

Right.

You know, I've always respected

the agreement we've had

to keep our love lives separate

until they become permanent,

which now it has.

Okay, so,

when do we tell the boys?

Oh, I already told them

on the way to school.

What? You already told them?

Yeah.

On the way to school,

with those other children in the car?

No, I waited till

those kids got out.

Oh, you did, good.

That's good.

So, that was a really nice,

well-thought-out moment for you guys.

That's nice.

Thanks for waiting for me.

They were excited.

They know her.

They really like her.

Okay.

Well...

Oh, gosh, I have to, um...

I have to meet Jess at Pilates.

Sorry, I don't mean to...

No, no, no.

I wanted to make sure

you heard it from me first.

Yes, I know, I know.

Okay, well, um...

Uh...

I'm happy for you.

Thank you.

Hi, Bradley. Are you going to

join us on the poles today?

Uh, not today, Beth Anne, no.

Sisters.

We want to talk to you.

Go, Jody.

Bradley, there's this new mom at

school we want to set you up with.

She's recently divorced.

Not too recent.

With one of those annoyingly

perfect lives-at-the-gym bodies.

But with b*obs, big b*obs.

I mean big b*obs.

Look, ladies,

I really appreciate

you looking out

for me like this,

but I just don't think

I'm ready quite yet, you know?

But when I am, I will definitely

come talk to you guys.

It'd be dumb not to.

What are your plans

for Mother's Day?

Oh, um...

No plans.

We're not celebrating.

I've been thinking about this

long and hard and believe me,

I think what's

best for the girls

is to just skip

the day altogether.

You know, just treat it like a normal

Sunday, nothing special. You know?

What do you guys

think about that?

Absolutely not. No.

Major mistake, Bradley.

Dana would not like that.

Think about the kids.

You guys, look!

It's Miranda!

Am I really on with

the Miranda Collins?

Am I really on with

the Edith from Waukesha?

Go ahead, Edith.

Could I see the

bracelet a bit closer, please?

My pleasure.

How's that, Edith?

Ooh, that's lovely.

I'll take two.

And it won't cost you an arm and a leg.

Perfect. Good.

Nice crisp passes, guys!

My mom said your mom was

lieutenant in the Marines

and your dad was a Marine, too?

Yeah, he was a master sergeant.

Come on, we've got to hustle.

He sure knows how to yell.

Kick it to where they're going to be,

not where they are

because they'll be gone from

there by the time it gets there!

Leaner, come on, Rach.

Case in point!

Rachel, you've got

to hustle. Come on.

Hey!

Thank you, Vicky.

Thank you for your help.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, Evelyn, what are you doing?

Are you texting?

Are you?

Yeah, there's no

texting in soccer, okay?

I mean, there's running

and jumping, eye contact,

laughing, there's even crying.

There's no texting.

Please, put that away,

all right?

Hey, hey, hey!

What?

Thomas is watching you.

Yeah, watching me

screw up, thank you.

Back to soccer!

I guess that's

Tommy there, all right.

Let's go!

All right, go, let's go!

Come on!

Here we go.

Nice!

- Rachel's open!

- Chase it down, that's it.

Hey, goal!

Nicely done.

Evelyn, please text my daughter,

"Good job." Thank you.

She is online.

You ready?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Oh.

Take that down.

Hey, Ma, it's Gabi.

Can you read me?

Not a walkie-talkie,

Mom.

I thought this Escape thing is

supposed to let me see people.

I don't see diddly.

It's "Skype, " not "Escape."

Now just press "start video."

I did.

Try again.

Click the picture of the video camera.

Well, I don't have one of them.

Yes, you do, Mom.

No, I do not have

a damn picture of a video...

- Okay, I did.

- Hi.

Oh, you got the crystal.

I sent it early.

Didn't want to risk it being

late for Mother's Day.

I know I'd never

hear the end of that.

Oh, I love it.

I'm not so sure about this

color-changing mumbo jumbo.

Oh, and I love that TV

shopping host, Miranda.

Do you know anybody

who knows her?

She's in a hotel in Atlanta.

Uh, no, I don't.

But, um, there's someone

here who knows you.

I can't do it.

You don't have to do it.

Where did she go?

All I see is bricks.

Hello?

Hello?

Uh...

Hi, Mom.

Oh.

Do I know you?

It's nice to see you, too.

Finally calling to apologize

after all this time.

Nope, just calling to call.

Gabi told me you're not dating

that Indian fellow anymore.

Finally came to your senses.

But I'm not going to rub your face

in it and say, "I told you so,"

but I told you so.

Okay. Where's Dad?

He's having lunch.

Hi, Dad!

Oh!

There's my little girl,

on the TV.

I'm glad to see you

talking with your mama.

'Bout time you apologized.

Well, you're looking good, Dad.

No, he thinks so.

Oh, I have to say, Jess,

you haven't aged that much.

Thank you.

How come you can't

find a successful man

like your sister did,

that Steven fellow?

I mean, believe me, I love Gabi,

but she looks way too

much like your father

to be the one to

catch a man first.

Thanks, Mom.

Well, I called to say hi

and I also called to tell you

that no matter what's happened between us,

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