Mother's Day Page #3

you're always my mother.

So, I wanted

to tell you about...

What?

Hey, look, it's Mommy

and Aunt Gabi.

I've got to go.

I've got to go.

You want to tell me about what?

- Hi, you wanna see her?

- Hi, guys. Hi.

And she's gone.

Well, at least she called you.

Maybe she got a date.

Hi, sweetie.

Hey, bubs.

Who were you talking to?

Snapchatting.

Oh, what are you, 12?

No, it's fun.

This is so exciting, you guys!

Your first sleepover with

Dad and his new person.

What do you want us to call her?

Do you want us to

call her "Mom," too?

No, absolutely not.

You just call her

what comes naturally,

but I would say "ma'am" is good.

Hey!

What's up, boys?

Hey, Henry.

Yeah?

Hi, Sandy.

Hi, Tina.

Hi, boys.

Hi.

Wow!

Oh, gosh, congratulations.

Thank you.

Isn't it so exciting?

It's thrilling.

I thought you'd

moved back to LA.

Yeah, just for a minute.

Ah. People said

I should model.

Yeah.

But somebody convinced me

to move back here.

Boys, I made cookies.

For Peter, guitars,

and for Mikey, baseballs.

Thanks.

Oh. Thanks, Tina.

These are great.

Yeah, come on inside.

Okay, bye, guys.

- Have fun.

- See you tomorrow.

Bye, Sandy.

Oh, um...

Tweet at me if you want to

check in or anything,

or check my Instagram.

I'll post some photos

when I get some cute ones.

Yeah, that's exciting.

Okay.

"Tweet at me."

She just... Did she just

say, "Tweet at me"? Did she?

I think she just said,

"Tweet me."

I didn't hear that.

Oh, Henry.

Oh, come on.

I knew she was younger, but...

She's almost 30.

"She's almost 30"?

In a few years.

My God.

And what is she wearing?

Uh...

What do you want me to do?

Ask her to dress more dowdy?

No, just tell her to dress,

put on a pair of pants.

That's not appropriate

for those kids.

You can see

everything's popping out.

Speaking of the kids.

What?

Mother's Day.

What about Mother's Day?

I was wondering if we could

take the kids for half the day

since Tina is now technically...

Oh, stop.

No, no, no,

don't even say it, no.

You know what I mean.

No, no, no, no.

You got married

five seconds ago.

Can you just... Can we just

slow this down a little bit?

You're angry.

It's all right.

Well, at least consider

it for the boys' sake.

I just did.

Okay.

You can...

She can have Flag Day,

Groundhog Day,

any of those days, Father's Day.

Well, I was just asking.

Yeah, I know, and you did.

Unbelievable.

I'm sorry to interrupt your spa,

but Miranda's agent, Lance Wallace,

wants to see you right away.

Lance, I'm here.

I'm here. Okay, okay.

Miranda okays

the book-signing poster,

and the essay winners are ready.

All right, now she wants to

know some interior designers.

She hates the look of the show.

Well, we've gotten a few

requests from some designers.

But this one I liked the best.

Her name is Sandy Newhouse.

All right, why?

She lives in Atlanta.

She's designed living rooms,

upscale restaurants,

and a five-star hotel lobby.

All right, well,

she looks smiley and happy.

Make sure she meets Miranda

before we check out.

Okay, and make-up...

Goal!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey!

Hey there, Messi!

This is not a stadium,

it's a lobby!

No, no, no.

A lobby.

These are the kids of the

big shot HSN executive.

We're entertaining

them this week.

Hey, mister,

can I have my ball back?

There we go.

All right! Soccer rules!

Soccer rules!

Are they gonna be with us all week,

those kids?

Yes, they are.

Doin' it all for my baby

'Cause he's as fine as he can be

Not him, it's you.

Dad, dinner's ready.

Doin' it all for my baby

For everything he does for me

I'm doin' it, doin' it, doin' it

Doin' it, doin' it, yeah

Doin' it, doin' it...

Mom loved karaoke.

Remember?

Oh, yes, I certainly do.

Come on,

let's eat, Dad. Come on.

Let's go.

Come on!

Okay. Okay.

What are you doing?

This karaoke video is

just for you, Bradley.

And to my chubbos back home,

Rachel and Vicky.

I love you so much.

I'll be home before you know it.

Love you.

Love you guys.

Yeah, could you go to the

supermarket for me, please?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

I can, uh...

Yeah, what, uh...

What do we need?

Uh, we need juice, eggs...

Uh-huh.

Eggs.

Bread, of course.

Yup.

Um, we need bananas and tampons.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah.

Uh... Um...

What was that?

Tampons.

Maybe that's something

that can wait, you think?

Uh... No.

I'm just going

to write "T."

I'll know what that means.

Okay, good.

Mmm-hmm.

Okay, there you go.

Oh, I miss you guys so much.

Mom, we just saw you,

like, two hours ago.

I know, I know, but I love you,

and I miss you

when you're not here.

So... Hey, are you guys sure you

want to stay at Daddy's tonight

because I could...

Bye, Mom.

Okay, bye.

Me, too, I'm in.

- All in.

- One, two, three!

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, I won again.

No way.

So, Mother's Day is coming and I

will be spending it with my mother.

I brought her out

with my most recent boyfriend

and he leaves for the bathroom,

not even out of earshot,

and she's like,

"Well, he's all right, I guess,

"but is that the nose you want

to see on your little girl?"

That's my time.

Thank you so much, everyone.

That was Genevieve Joy.

Once again,

ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the

Buckhead Comedy Contest

with your host,

former used car legend

and now comedy club owner,

Mr. Wally Burn.

Thank you, thank you.

All right, this next guy

coming out,

he's a guy from

the island across the pond

that gave us colonialism, Hugh Grant

and the plague.

Please put your hands

together for Zack Zim.

Zack Zim, have fun!

Good evening, hey, I'm Zack,

originally from Britain,

now living out here in Atlanta, Georgia,

with my girlfriend,

my girlfriend who recently had a baby.

No, uh, don't applaud.

Um, it's not mine.

No, she is, I hope.

She's amazing.

My girlfriend is American,

but she is desperate for our

child to have a British accent.

That's all she wants.

She won't talk to our child, seriously.

I have to read to

Katie every night.

All the other kids

are watching Sesame Street.

Our baby is sat down

in front of Downton Abbey.

You notice I say

"girlfriend," five years,

we're still not married,

and, boy, have I asked.

It was a struggle enough

to get her to update

her Facebook

profile from "single."

I was like, "Five years,

we have a child together.

"Couldn't you at least make it,

'it's complicated'?"

And it makes it awkward, though,

like, how do you

introduce each other?

When I introduce Kristin,

I introduce her as

the light of my life,

the song of my soul, the mother

of my child. AUDIENCE: Aw...

And she introduces

me as her roommate.

And a great big happy almost

Mother's Day to you terrific...

Hey.

Can we, um, just go back to the

not married thing for a sec?

Oh, Come on,

please, I am so tired.

I am so tired.

I love you, Kristin,

and I do want to marry you.

But I think I don't feel like

getting turned down anymore.

There's something you're not telling me,

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