Mother's Day Page #9

Shut up.

I was freaking out.

I thought you bailed.

Where were you?

I'm sorry, you know, usual stuff,

meeting my real mom.

Your mom, what?

Yeah, it was awful.

Awful?

Just really made me appreciate

what I have. Totally.

You're the best.

We have a unanimous winner.

Katie Zim.

Oh, and that guy

with her. Come on up.

Oh, my God.

Wait, wait, wait, take her.

She won, you just

held her props, really.

So, wait, your actual mother?

Just go get it.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Congratulations!

Zack Zim!

Yeah, we each got our babies.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

What? Oh, my God.

You guys...

You guys are the cutest.

The banana was my idea,

you know, to stay healthy.

It's perfect.

I love it.

Are those M&M pancakes?

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Open my gift.

Okay, okay, okay.

Why?

That's the coolest potato man ever,

period, end of story.

That's awesome.

"Thanks for all that you do.

"We appreciate you.

"Happy Mother's Day, Tina."

You gave her the

wrong gift, you dork.

Oops, sorry, Mom.

Oh, that's okay.

That's okay.

I love you, Mom.

Thank you. I love you.

This one's for you.

Okay, okay.

This is better

than the first one.

It's even better.

That's sweet.

I love him.

Thank you so much.

This is for you.

Thanks, babe.

Did you get

a card for Tina, too?

Yeah, but a totally

different one.

I can throw Tina's

away if you want.

No.

No, no, no, no,

I don't want you to do that.

But you're so sad.

Oh, okay, listen, here,

take this over there for a second.

Get in here.

Get in here.

Vicky, Rachel,

where are you guys?

Come on, let's wake up,

have a little breakfast, huh?

Guys, don't make me

come up there.

It's too late.

Come on,

let's go, up and at 'em.

Hey.

Hey, Vicky!

Rachel, where are you?

Hey, Kimberly,

I can't talk right now.

I don't know where my girls are.

The girls are with me.

What are you

talking about, where?

I love you so much,

and, you know, it's just...

It's hard to share, you know?

Sort of like how you feel about your

LEGO pirate ship.

You know how you didn't

want anyone to touch it?

Yeah, well,

that's kind of how I feel.

But you remember

how good you felt

when you saw how happy Nick was

when he was able to walk

Peg Leg down the plank?

Right?

Yeah, that's because it's really,

really good to share.

It's really good.

In fact, as I say this,

you know what,

I think I'm going to take you over to

Daddy's a little later on today, okay?

So you can give Tina

her awesome potato man.

You're really going to share?

Yeah.

Yep, I'm going to

share, for an hour.

An hour, maybe two.

I'll see how I feel.

How do you feel about that?

Yeah.

Yeah?

We're gonna grab some lunch

and we'll see you at the parade.

Have fun.

Bye, Max.

Were you summoned, too?

Yep, just wondering if I'm

going to get an opportunity

to have a last meal.

Doubtful.

I mean, they can't

ground us anymore, can they?

You lied to your mother.

Mom made me live

alone in college

'cause she didn't want me to

have a minority roommate.

Yeah, and she spanked me when

I said I wanted to dress up

like a guy for Halloween.

I didn't think Liberace was an

appropriate costume for a little girl.

Do they know we're coming?

Yeah, I called Daddy earlier.

I'll pick you up tonight,

just before dinner, okay?

Bye, Mom.

Bye, I love you.

Have fun.

I'm so happy to see you.

Hi, hi.

What's that?

For me? Oh, my gosh.

A surprise.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Happy Mother's Day.

We love you.

Russell, it's Jesse.

I'm leaving to go live

with my parents for a while

and I'm taking Tanner

with me. Bye.

Wait, wait, wait,

hold on, hold on!

Hey, hold on, wait,

hold on, I'm coming!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

stop, stop, stop, stop,

stop, wait, hold on, hold on,

wait a minute, let me in,

stop, stop, stop,

hold on, hold on!

Wait a minute!

Where's Tanner?

Relax, he's with

Max and Charlie.

Nice robe.

We just said it

to get you in here.

Oh, great, another lie.

Yeah, is this your

new thing now? Bye.

Russell, we would

like to thank you for coming.

Mom? You're in on this?

Maybe if you would call me more often,

you would know me better.

Russell, I know I make jokes about Jesse,

but I love her.

So, Flo and I thought you two

should kiss and make up.

No, no, because she's a liar.

She's a lying, lying liar, okay?

And besides,

scaring me to get me in here

is not a good way to start

a conversation, okay?

Have fun. I'm leaving.

Not unless you're going to jump.

Dad, what are you doing?

Slow down!

Oh, come on.

Where are we going?

All right,

this is crazy, all right?

She lied about everything.

You know what?

If I was your parents,

I would have been home by now.

If this sucker hadn't had all those

repairs, we would have been.

Actually,

that would be my fault.

How?

I kind of told Charlie

to mess with the engine

so Grandma and Grandpa

couldn't get home.

The flat tire was

just bad luck, or good.

You did that for us?

Forget that.

I'm impressed that he knew

so much about engines.

Yeah, he really does.

Honey, please forgive me.

I promise, I will never,

ever lie to you, ever again.

I just... I cross my heart.

You promise?

Promise.

Okay, I forgive you.

You do?

No, I'm lying.

You see how that feels?

Uh, sorry to interrupt your moment,

but this ain't good.

What?

The brakes are out and we're

going pretty damn fast.

I swear, Charlie did not

mess with the brakes.

No, no, I was

supposed to get them fixed,

but I took the money and I

spent it at the dog track!

Look out for the garbage.

Hey, what is happening?

Where did everybody go?

Jesse, stay down.

Stay under me!

Hey, that's Grandma's house.

So it is. Let's check it out.

They made a womb

float for Mother's Day?

I can't wait to see

what they do for Father's Day.

Hello, Marvin, you got

a two-vehicle pursuit.

One is an RV from Texas and the

other one is big and pink.

Slow down!

Oh, my gosh.

Okay, we're in pursuit.

Whoa!

Earl, Jesse, Gabi,

I love you! Russell?

Yeah.

Nice to meet you.

We're going to hit real hard.

No!

Huh?

Well, uh, that wasn't

so hard, now, was it?

Everybody all right?

What the hell happened?

Nothing. I lied.

The brakes were fixed.

The fear of death brings

everyone closer together.

Welcome, welcome to my family.

Everybody out of the vehicle.

Let's go.

Okay, we're coming. Hi.

Out of the vehicle.

Get your hands up

where we can see them.

You guys okay?

Hello, officers,

how are you doing?

Mom, just put your hands up.

Spread your legs.

Anybody else?

Hi, it's just me.

Get on the ground.

On the ground!

Get on the ground!

On the ground!

Sir, that is my husband!

Officer, I don't

really appreciate

how you're treating

my son-in-law.

Wait, it's okay,

you guys, this is my doctor.

He fixed my knee.

Hi, Dr. Kohli.

Hey, Danielle.

Finally, somebody stands up.

Oh, boy, you okay, Russell?

Yeah, I'm all right.

All right.

Well, I never thought I'd have

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