Mr. Popper's Penguins Page #2

-(DOOR SLAMS)

Good talk.

(OVER PHONE) Mr. Popper? Pippi.

l've parlayed with the Tavern people

and persuaded them

to ponder your proposal.

POPPER:
Great. l don't have

the kids this weekend,

so set a meeting with Van Gundy

and call me.

No little ones this weekend, Mr. P?

No, Daryl. They don't like me right now.

Well, l like you, sir.

Already working

on the Christmas bonus, huh?

Never start too early.

-Yeahbsolutely.

-You have a good one, Mr. P.

(EXHALES)

(SlGHS)

(CELL PHONE CHlMES)

Tommy, it's Reginald. Call me.

lt's about your father.

So where was he, Reginald?

Antarctica.

Selling ice to the Eskimos?

That's the Arctic.

Whatever.

(SlGHS)

Your father loved you, Tommy.

That's good to know. Do you want to read?

The last will and testament

of Thomas Popper Sr.

"To the good folks

at the Geographic Society,

"l leave my Slovenian zither recordings,

"the Tahoe yurt and the Uzbek yurt,

"as well as the rest

of my worldly possessions.

"To my little Tommy,

"l've sent you a souvenir.

"l'm sorry l couldn't deliver

this one to you in person.

"Bald Eagle, over and out."

(ALARM CLOCK BEEPlNG)

(SlGHS)

Monday! Thank God !

Ah !

My souvenir.

lt's too big for a snow globe,

too small for a yurt.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, wow!

A stuffed penguin,

for the man who has everything.

(CHUCKLES)

Thank you, Daddy.

(SlGHS)

(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)

Sergeant Pipper.

Yeah, l know. l'm late.

Van Gundy's at the Tavern already?

Yes, l know how important she is.

Okay. Stall her.

l'll be there in 1 5 minutes.

l don't know. Tell her l was poisoned

by a porcupine or punched by a pedestrian.

What do l pay you for?

(PENGUlN HONKS)

(HONKS)

l'll call you back.

lt's a live penguin.

He sent me a live penguin.

(CHlRPlNG SOFTLY)

(SHUSHlNG)

(COOlNG)

-Hi, live penguin.

-(SQUAWKS)

(DEFECATlNG)

As soon as l get home,

you're going back where you came from.

See this? Made in ltaly. Not for pecking.

Frette towels, also not for penguins.

Other than that, don't touch anything.

Pippi, hang on.

Coming now!

(GROANS)

No time for pain.

Mr. Popper. Phew!

Punctuality is a priority

for this particular person.

Don't sweat it, Pip.

l'll start scratching this old gal

behind the ears,

pretty soon she will be curled up in my lap

purring like a kitty cat.

(PURRlNG)

Right behind me?

Mrs. Van Gundy.

Pleasure to meet you. Thom Popper.

Mr. Popper.

l'm afraid l can only offer you 1 0 minutes.

You're extremely late.

That's all l need.

-This is Tito and Freddy, our kitchen staff.

-Hi.

And Klaus, he's our handyman.

And this is our chef, Arnold.

His kind of cooking never goes out of style.

Do you like kidney pie?

Are you kidding me? l love it.

ln fact, l'm a donor.

(LAUGHlNG)

l filled out the card and. . .

No, l've never actually had that,

but l would love to try it.

Let's have a seat.

MAN:
All right, guys. Back to work.

l wonder if we could sit

more in the center of the room.

l want to get a real sense of the space.

(COOlNG)

You have a very unusual name, Mr. Popper.

And l never forget one.

This restaurant has been in my family

for three generations.

My grandmother served coq au vin

for Winston Churchill.

And my father poured champagne

for Fred Astaire.

My mother made a BL for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar once.

She said he was

surprisingly down-to-earth,

which is ironic, considering how tall he is.

Fascinating.

But l can't sell this place to just anyone.

l mean,

l consider the staff to be family, too.

Nothing is more important

than family to me. Nothing.

Are you married?

Not presently.

Any children?

Two. And we have the most magical

alternate weekends together.

Tell me about your father.

My father?

Uh. . .

What can l say?

A father is a father.

And he was no different.

You were close?

Yes. Well, we're related.

But, Mrs. Van Gundy,

l want to talk about you

and your life beyond all of this.

Picture yourself in a boat on a river.

With tangerine trees

and kind of a marmalade sky.

l don't do drugs, Mr. Popper.

Let me tell you something.

l could sell this place

to any number of sharp-tongued

snake-oil salesmen like yourself.

But l'm not selling to anyone

until l know what they're worth.

You mean my net worth?

lf that's how you interpret it,

that tells me something.

Well, l'm afraid your time is up,

Mr. Popper.

The Tavern is not presently for sale.

l should have gone with Strawberry FieIds.

(COOlNG)

(PHONE LlNE RlNGlNG)

(MAN ON PHONE

GREETlNG lN FORElGN LANGUAGE)

Oh, good.

You sent me a package.

Uh. My name is Popper.

(lN FORElGN ACCENT) Popper?

You Captain Popper baby?

"Captain?"

Uh. . .

Yes, l'm Captain Popper baby.

My father, who is apparently your captain,

-had you send me a penguin.

-(PENGUlN SQUAWKlNG)

You like penguin? ls good, yes?

No, is bad.

Your captain was crazy.

(CHUCKLES) So crazy. I Iove.

Yeah. Well, l'm glad you had someone.

But listen,

l have to send this penguin back.

(STATlC)

What? Hello?

Hello? l have to send the penguin back.

Send penguin?

Yes! Send penguin. Send penguin.

l told you five times,

l have to send the penguin.

Five times. Send penguin. Okay.

Great. And the crate is damaged.

Can you send me another crate

so l can ship this thing?

(LlNE DlSCONNECTS)

Hello?

(SlGHS)

(GROANS lN FRUSTRATlON)

What am l going to do with you, bird?

(GASPlNG)

You !

You are so done.

(SQUAWKlNG)

No. No.

(SCREAMlNG)

(PHONE LlNE RlNGlNG)

(MAN ON PHONE

GREETlNG lN FORElGN LANGUAGE)

-POPPER:
Hello.

-Sorry, cannot take your phone call.

We will be closing one month

for ice festival!

(DOORBELL RlNGS)

Hey. Animal Control.

Got a call about a bird.

l am very happy to see you.

-Um. . .

-(PENGUlN SQUAWKS)

Oh. That's the little fella.

-What the. . .

-Go ahead. He's friendly.

l didn't know it was a penguin, okay?

l'm going to have to check the manual.

lt's not in the book.

Can't we just call it a pigeon?

Big, fat pigeon?

l can't touch it if it's not in the manual.

lt's a union violation.

Try Fish and Game.

No. You need Marine and Waterfowl.

Sorry, bud. Try NYC Sanitation.

Yeah. l only pick up the dead ones.

(COOS)

(COOlNG)

-(HONKlNG LOUDLY)

-(YELLlNG)

This way.

Okay, get. Go.

Skedaddle.

Waddle on down the road.

South Pole is that way.

Exit the building, take a right

and keep going.

Okay. Need a little help. l get it.

Watch this.

There you go!

Yes! Bye-bye, birdie.

Hey, Mr. P.

Yeah.

l got your penguin for you.

What? What are you talking about?

That's not my penguin.

Oh, really?

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Why would l have a penguin?

That could be anybody.

Oh, yeah.

Just give me the stupid thing.

So, the board must have given you

a free pass

on the whole "no pets" thing.

That is mighty nice of them.

How much till you don't see a penguin?

l can still see him.

lt's getting blurry.

lf l decided to squint,

it could look like a puppy.

How's that?

ls that you, Mr. P?

The light's going dim.

-Yeah, Pippi.

-PlPPl:
Mr. Popper!

Yeah. l'm not coming

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