Mr. Popper's Penguins Page #3

into work again today.

Oh. (SPEAKS FRENCH)

l have a pest problem.

What particular pest is the problem?

-lt's a penguin.

-A penguin?

Yeah. Starts with "P."

You ought to be able to handle it.

Hey there, Popper.

Kent.

ls that. . . ls that a pet l hear, Popper?

Pet? No. What? Of course not.

Okay. l mean, l can't say l blame you.

lf l had your 3,200 square feet,

l'd find someone to share it with, too.

lt's not a pet, Kent.

l left the television on. l'll take care of it.

-(CLATTERlNG)

-(FOOTSTEPS PATTERlNG)

(CRASHlNG)

Digital surround.

lt's like a real animal in there

busting stuff.

lt's amazing.

Bye, Kent.

NARRATOR ON TV:
The goIden eagIe is

North America's largest bird of prey.

With a wingspan of 1 85

to 220 centimeters,

these extremely swift creatures

can dive upon their quarry

at speeds of more than 241 kilometers

per hour.

You like that, huh?

Too bad.

(PENGUlN HONKS)

l was listening to your commentary,

in The Economist,

reviewing these numbers,

and obviously the job number on Friday

wasn't a bad number.

We've got, what, three months now

averaging about 1 50,000 jobs...

That's not cute. You're not cute.

-l don't know what people see in you.

-(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)

Yes! Now you're talking.

Hey, Chilly Willy. Your ride is here.

(HONKS)

Someone is going on a little trip today.

No big deal, right?

All right, penguin.

No long goodbyes. Let's go.

Come here.

Gotcha. Game is over. You lose.

Let me just seal you in. No!

Where do you think you're going?

My kid's birthday is in 1 0 minutes. Okay?

That's right. l make the rules.

Because l have the brains.

(CLATTERlNG)

Wait. How did you. . .

(TOlLET FLUSHlNG)

What the. . .

(HONKlNG LOUDLY)

(HONKlNG)

Hey!

lt's an infestation.

How did you even get up there?

Your legs are, like, four inches long.

(DOORBELL RlNGS)

Obviously, a little miscommunication.

All right. Who is hungry?

Come on, you little snow rats.

(EXCLAlMS)

Ooh ! Hey! Gosh, thought you guys

would never get here.

That's great.

You ready for the big birthday

celebration fiesta?

Here we go.

But here's the thing,

l'm not quite ready yet.

So, can you just hang out for a bit

while l get Billy's gift all set?

Translation, "l forgot as usual,

"and l need to call Pippi

to go get something."

-Janie.

-Not true. Bad translation.

l got the gift,

and it's right in here.

(SQUAWKS)

Yeah ! A penguin !

No, Billy. l actually. . .

BlLLY:
He's awesome!

(SlGHS) Oh ! Great.

Hold on.

You got him an actual live penguin?

-Uh. . .

-(SQUAWKlNG)

Six penguins?

Yes! Best birthday ever!

That's good counting, Billy.

Do they have names?

Yeah, course.

This one is Captain.

(HONKS)

Captain Popper.

(HONKlNG LOUDLY)

And that's Loudy.

Hey! Hey!

And that one's Bitey.

-(FARTlNG)

-(GROANS) Oh !

Stinky.

AMANDA:
Aw! He loves me.

That's Lovey.

-(REPLlES lN FRENCH)

-Yeah.

(THUDDlNG)

And that's Nimrod.

Let's make a fort.

-Oh ! Fort! Cool.

-Go.

Billy, the cushions. . .

That's a great idea for fort building.

AMANDA:
l've got to tell you,

you have officially raised the

birthday present bar to a whole new level.

-l know!

-How did you find them, anyway?

Some sort of, l don't know,

birthday-penguin rental company?

Um. . .

No. Actually, Thom Sr.

-Your dad?

-Yeah.

Wait. You saw him? How is he?

He passed away.

As in, he's dead?

Yeah. He broke on through

to the other side.

Oh, my God. l'm. . .

l'm so sorry.

-Are you okay?

-Yeah, l'm fine.

You're fine.

Fine. l'm good.

-(EXHALES)

-And he left me those.

Hey, where're you going? Come back here.

-Got you !

-Hey! (LAUGHS)

You look great.

-Thanks. l should get the cake in the. . .

-That's a nice cake.

-(CLATTERlNG)

-Oh !

What?

Oh, my God !

How cute.

lt looks like they're nesting.

Finally, you have something in your fridge.

(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)

-Yeah?

-Thomas Popper?

Uh-huh.

Nat Jones, New York Zoo.

Flightless Bird Division.

Your assistant called,

the one with the "P" problem.

l'm here for the penguin.

Wow.

She didn't tell me they were Gentoos.

How many do you have?

-Five?

-Six.

Six! Oh, God. Even better.

-What's going on?

-lt's nothing.

l'll take care of it.

Hey, save me a piece of that. Mmm !

l've got my team downstairs,

and a fully equipped retrieval van.

Yeah, that's great.

But listen, you can't actually take

the penguins right now.

-What are you talking about?

-Believe me, l'd love to give them to you.

But it's my kid's birthday,

and he's crazy about them.

You know kids.

l don't know kids. l know penguins.

They like ice, snow and fish.

Put them in a New York apartment,

they're gonna get beak rash

and wing mange

faster than you can

blow out your birthday candles.

-Wing mange?

-lt's not pretty.

Those animals belong in a zoo.

Hey, l get it.

l just have to take care of the politics.

Mr. Popper, don't postpone the inevitable.

Give me the birds.

Yeahbsolutely. They're yours.

Just not right now.

-l'll call you. Okay.

-Yeah. Soon.

Hey, it's me.

He's got six of them. And they're Gentoos.

Not yet, but l'll get them.

BlLLY:
What was that?

What did that man mean,

"l'm here for the penguins"?

Oh, that guy?

He's here for their baths.

He's the bather. Trust me,

you're going to want them bathed.

l just told him to come back later,

because we're in the middle of a part-ay!

They're mine, right? l can keep them?

You kidding me?

What kind of question is that?

l don't know, Billy.

l'd make him promise if l were you.

Do you promise me, Popper?

Yes.

JANlE:
Say the words.

You don't want to disappoint them.

When did l ever disappoint anybody?

-Father-son picnic.

-My birthday.

Our last anniversary.

l promise.

BlLLY:
Can we come over again

tomorrow night?

-Really?

-Please?

Yeah. What about you, Janie? You, too?

Yeah, l guess it wouldn't be too bad.

What do you think, buzz kill?

A night to myself? l think l'll survive.

Thanks, Dad. l'll see you tomorrow.

-lt was a nice night.

-Yeah.

-My kids want to come over.

-Who gives a rat's butt?

Fair enough. Have a good one.

(PENGUlNS SQUAWKlNG)

People love the sounds of nature.

Helps them sleep. lt's beautiful. lt's natural.

(GRUNTS)

Excuse me. Excuse me! Hey!

(SQUAWKlNG STOPS)

Yeah. Good.

Now shut up and go to sleep.

Or l'll give you something to honk about.

(ALL SQUAWKlNG)

(BEEPlNG)

(SlGHS)

All right, back off.

Spread out. Seriously.

l'm used to living alone.

No! Expensive.

Oh ! Ah !

Hey, that's my remote, Pecky Peckerton.

(TV SWlTCHES ON)

(SOUNDTRACK MUSlC PLAYlNG ON TV)

Huh.

You like that, huh?

He's funny, right? Kind of like a penguin.

Good. That'll loop all day.

-l suppose it's a formal event.

-Precisely.

Popper, where have you been?

Hey, guys.

We talked to Van Gundy's people.

They say she turned you down flat.

Fellas, calm down. Life's too short,

especially for Franklin.

We thought we could trust you with this.

Hey, Taming of the Shrew

is not a one-act play.

You know that she's

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