Mr. Popper's Penguins Page #4

the chair of several charitable foundations.

One of those foundations

is having a benefit

at the Guggenheim Saturday.

And Mr. Popper will be present.

POPPER:
l figured it out.

She's looking for somebody

with integrity and character.

Somebody like Jimmy Stewart.

(lMlTATlNG JlMMY STEWART)

And, doggone it,

that's exactly what l'm going to be.

l'll use my own voice, though.

Although, that was uncanny.

Come on, give it to me.

We expect some results, Popper.

And until we get them, you can keep

your name off my marble slab.

A man your age shouldn't be

talking about marble slabs.

l got this.

Penguins, Pippi. Talk to me.

Per your predicament,

l printed a pertinent page from Wikipedia.

"Gentoo penguins

may periodically imprint

"on a particular person

as if they were a penguin.

"Once imprinted, they remain permanently

proximate to their parental proxy."

ls it actually written that way?

l'm paraphrasing.

They're imprinting, all right.

"Uncanny tracking ability.

Can locate each other at great distance."

-What about keeping them in line?

-Next paragraph.

"Are more docile

when kept at lower temperatures."

Hmm.

Cold enough for you?

Glad you're comfortable. Ow!

Hey! This is a finger, this is a fish.

Learn to tell the difference.

Hey, kids.

lt's nice, huh? A little fresh air.

lt's not bad if you keep moving.

Captain, Bitey, Stinky!

Penguins need it cold,

otherwise they get wing mange.

Dad, are you okay?

Yeah. Never better.

Let's take the penguins to the park.

Billy, no. What if they run off?

Ah.

You know, maybe they are

a little cooped-up in here.

Boy! Look at all this space.

Makes you want to spread out and explore.

Get lost for a while. (EXCLAlMS)

(PlGEON COOlNG)

Flight envy? Really?

(LAUGHS) That's hilarious.

l hate to break it to you, Captain,

but those are fins.

l think you might be more fish than fowl.

BlLLY:
Hey, Dad, heads-up!

Oh ! l see how it's going to be.

All right. Let's see what you got, Billy.

Come on, Janie. Come on.

Let's get a game going.

Thanks, but no thanks.

-POPPER:
Aw! Come on.

-BlLLY:
Let's go.

Little Popper over to Big Popper.

Looking for the flick-on.

Pass it. Pass it.

Back to Little. . . Nimrod blocks it.

Over to Loudy, who dribbles it.

-(FARTS)

-Ah !

Flagrant flatulation.

Could be a yellow card.

Lovey controls, beaks it over to Billy,

who bends it like Bitey.

Uh-oh. Better pick it up. Come on, Janie.

What are you afraid of?

Can't beat an old man?

"O-M-G, l'm too A-D-D to play with D-A-D.

"Frowny face."

(SlGHS) Fine.

(CHUCKLES) All right!

You know,

l heard that girls are the weaker sex.

Didn't you hear that, Billy?

-Yeah.

-(GROANS)

BlLLY:
Are you okay?

JANlE:
Sorry, Dad.

lt really was an accident.

Yeah, l get it. You both have power shots.

Mr. Popper.

Hey, guess what? l got new contact lenses,

i.e. , l can see more now,

i.e. , l can still see your six illegal pets.

POPPER:
Are we cool now, Hawkeye?

Let's go, kids.

(BlLLY AND JANlE LAUGHlNG)

Hey, everybody. l found him in the lobby.

Oh, oops.

l figured it was like

that time you lost Janie at Macy's.

You lost me?

You were never lost.

l simply failed to maintain visual contact.

lt was less than an hour.

(JANlE LAUGHS)

They are liking it here.

-Do you want to keep them overnight?

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Cool.

And Rick and l are celebrating.

-You got the grant.

-Yes.

Wow. l'm really happy for you.

-Thank you.

-(CHUCKLES)

You know, l was planning on having them

stay at Mom's when we're in Ghana.

You're actually going to Ghana, then.

Just for three weeks.

Maybe they could spend

a few nights with you.

Hey, kids. Do you want

to stay the night with your dad?

-Yeah.

-Sweet.

-Okay.

-All right.

-Good night.

-Good night, Mom.

Good night, Mommy.

Good night.

(HONKlNG)

You, too, Loudy.

-Bye.

-Bye.

You like Mom.

l do not.

l mean, l like her.

l don't know if she likes me.

Does she talk about me?

You're acting weird.

Look, this is my favorite part, right here.

(SNORlNG)

PlPPl ON PHONE:
Mr. Popper, I purchased

the special champagne per your request.

Good. Everything needs to be clockwork

at the Guggenheim.

This could be our last chance

with Van Gundy.

And should l be procuring a babysitter?

Yeahbsolutely.

So we're talking standard hours.

A little light housekeeping.

And you might want to do that coat up,

you'll catch your death in there.

But as far as the. . .

When you're taking care of. . .

Just plunk them in front of the TV.

-Perfect.

-Yeah.

So, should we meet the kids?

Sure. Yeah. Come on over.

Here they are.

So you will be home by 1 0:00?

At the latest.

Just keep the Chaplin movies going,

they'll zone right out.

NANNY:
Hello, Mr. Popper.

How are they doing?

You are worried like a new mother.

lt is adorable.

Yeah, l know. Okay, turning my phone off.

Okay. Good night.

(ALL SQUAWKlNG)

(SCREAMlNG)

l'm hearing shrieking, cackling

and trumpeting sounds

coming from that apartment.

Now, either Mr. Popper

is hanging out with my mother,

or l'm losing my mind.

No, you're definitely. . .

l am telling you

that man is up to something.

l hear the pitter-patter of floppy feet

coming from inside that apartment.

l feel like l can hear them now.

Sorry, Kent.

As far as l'm concerned,

Mr. Popper is an ideal tenant.

(SNlFFlNG)

Bubbly. Where is the target?

Up there,

proximate to the Pissarro painting.

You look pretty.

(HONKS)

-So, she never did see the flowers. . .

-Mrs. Van Gundy. . .

What a pleasant surprise.

Mr. Popper. l wish l could say the same.

You're dry. l like that. Oh, please.

Mrs. Van Gundy only drinks Krug.

-(POPPlNG)

-Oh, yeah !

(YAWNlNG)

May l?

1 992? lt's a ghastly vintage.

l'll take the free stuff.

-TERRENCE:
Selma!

-Oh, Terrence.

TERRENCE:
Congratulations, Selma.

Everything is impeccable.

MRS. VAN GUNDY:
Oh, thank you.

(MOCKlNGLY) "1 992. Ghastly vintage."

"l'll take the free stuff."

"Terrence!"

Stay in the game.

(SNlFFlNG)

(HONKS)

POPPER:
Mmm. l bet there's a giant

sentence somewhere,

looking for an ending.

Mr. Popper, if you're trying to convince me

to sell you the Tavern,

l'm afraid you're wasting your time.

Let's not talk about the Tavern,

because that's not why l'm here.

Mrs. Van Gundy,

you want to know what l'm worth.

l get that.

Mr. Popper, this is the

premier cultural event of the season.

l've organized this evening very precisely

and l can't have anything disrupting it,

especially you.

Now, one might think

you would have realized that by now.

-(PENGUlN SQUAWKS)

-Oh !

Wow! What a beautiful piece of music

they're playing down there.

May l have this dance, down there?

You're tenacious, Popper. l'll give you that.

l hope you can keep up with me.

Yeah, well, let's hurry. We're missing it.

-Here you go.

-Thank you.

-WOMAN:
Are those penguins?

-MAN:
Hmm. Must be part of the exhibit.

(HONKlNG)

(MAN EXCLAlMS)

(GUESTS SCREAMlNG)

(SCREAMS)

What is that noise?

-Popper!

-lt's nothing. Stay focused.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes