Mr. Popper's Penguins Page #5

(GASPS)

(HONKlNG)

-Get it off me!

-(FARTS)

Who is responsible for this?

My money is on her.

ls this some kind

of environmentalist protest?

This is disgraceful ! Don't lie to me.

Huh?

(ALL SQUAWKlNG)

Ah.

POPPER:
l don't like you, l don't need you,

l don't want you in my life!

Come on.

This guy is a complete amateur.

l just got to pick my moment,

then make my move.

POPPER:
Pippi,

the Guggenheim was a fiasco.

Get me another meeting with Van Gundy.

Pronto.

l was going to say that.

Hey, Dad, come play hide and seek.

Captain's "it."

l'm still not speaking to them.

What? What happened?

Nothing. l'm fine. Billy, it's time to go.

-Janie, what happened?

-l said l'm fine.

Hey, l know l kind of blew it before,

but l'm actually pretty good

at giving advice.

Mom is here. We've got to go.

Janie, come on. l want to help.

Really? Fine. Here it is.

Madison broke up with Cooper Keegan

to go out with Brandon Yee.

-Brandy.

-So Cooper texted Brittany to see

if l was going to the Snowball Dance.

And she is all, "No, she's not going,"

so now l look all desperate and dumb.

So, great, right?

Cooper is gonna ask me

to the Snowball Dance, but he never calls.

And now Brittany's telling everybody that

Madison kissed him in the third period.

But then l hear that Brittany likes him, too,

so l don't know what to think!

So there it is. What do you got, Dad?

Well, who is Brittany again?

(GROANS lN FRUSTRATlON)

Brittany is Madison's BFF.

Madison's Big Fat Friend. Got it.

Janie! Hold on, hold on. Janie.

Look, sweetheart.

Maybe this just wasn't meant to be.

Don't waste your tears.

There's going to be a lot of other guys.

l mean, you're going to go through this

over and over.

By the time you're my age,

you're not even going to remember

Keaven Coover.

Coover Keeven?

Kee. . . Coover. . .

Keiver Coover?

So just forget about it and move on?

Exactly.

Great, thanks. l feel much better.

(CLEARS THROAT)

lt's good advice.

You know what,

maybe she doesn't want advice.

Maybe she just wants you

to be her dad and listen.

But what if my advice is amazing?

Good night, Popper.

lt's a shame to waste it.

Madison kissed Keeper Coogan.

No, Cooper. Cooper!

-(HONKlNG)

-Kissed Cooper. . .

What? l can't get 30 seconds

of privacy around here?

What do you want? Fish? Chaplin?

l'm not supposed to guess,

l'm just supposed to listen.

All right, l'm listening.

Come on, smart guy, what is it?

What do you wonk?

(HONKlNG lNSlSTENTLY)

(COOlNG)

Not fair.

Come on.

Oh !

Did l do that? Hey!

-(DEFECATlNG)

-Hey!

(LAUGHlNG)

ls that what you were trying to tell me?

Hey, anybody else want to try? Come on.

(ALL HONKlNG)

You look full. Open the bomb bay doors!

Whoa!

That is some good. . .

(HONKlNG LOUDLY)

Stay! Stay!

Or come.

(CHlLDREN EXCLAlMlNG EXClTEDLY)

Dear Lord, thank you for

the food we are about to eat.

Please use your mighty power

to stop the melting of the polar ice caps.

Amen.

Could you pass the salt? l'll get it.

Hey, kids. Check this out.

Everybody ready?

And, shuffle, ball, step. Shuffle, ball, lunge.

Step, ball, change. Step, ball, change.

Step, ball, change.

Word !

And the Tony goes to Mamma Mia!

because somebody didn't show up

for rehearsals.

Not mentioning names.

(SOFTLY) Nimrod.

That's awesome.

-Pretty cool, huh?

-Yeah.

BlLLY:
Good job, you guys.

Whatever it is, l'm here for you, sweetie.

Relax, it's no big deal.

But Cooper Keegan just asked me

to the Snowball Dance.

Cooper Keegan !

Oh, my gosh. l need a dress.

OMG. LGB1 .

-What?

-Oh, my God. Let's go buy one.

You mean you?

Yeahbsolutely.

Okay.

(SNORlNG)

JANlE:
Dad, l look terrible in all of these.

Well, l would love to see one of them.

l tell you what,

whatever you've got on right now,

just bring it on out to the viewing area

so we can view it.

JANlE:
Fine.

Wow. You actually look beautiful.

Yeah, right.

Dad?

You're an angel.

Shut up.

l made that.

What?

l'll tell you about it later.

-Hi, birds.

-Hi, birds.

Let me get you a snack.

JANlE:
OMG.

Dad !

No.

(CHUCKLlNG) No!

Lovey.

(COOS)

Eggs?

So, baby penguins?

Baby penguins!

Or a three-penguin omelet.

-BlLLY:
Dad !

-POPPER:
Mmm !

-Amanda.

-Hello?

You got to come over.

(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)

-Hey.

-Oh. You brought Rick.

Yeah, we were on a date. Be nice.

Hey. Wow. Greetings, little friend.

Hey. What's your name?

Ow!

Rick, Bitey. Bitey, Rick.

Hey.

-Who's this fella?

-(FARTS)

Stinky.

-That's his way of saying "Greetings."

-Yeah.

(HONKlNG LOUDLY)

Hey, you know what?

l'll meet you in the car.

Come on, you got to see this. Come on.

What. . . What am l looking at? What. . .

Just a miracle, that's all.

-AMANDA:
Hold on, is that. . .

-POPPER:
Eggs. Three of them.

-Wow.

-Yeah.

Amazing.

Hey, look who is a new dad again. Huh?

lt's really kind of cool.

They use those stones to make their nest.

Really?

Nimrod hasn't quite figured it out yet.

Yeah, but look. He's so attentive.

They have to separate

for long periods of time

just to find fish.

Hmm.

lt must be kind of hard on them. Huh?

They always get back together, though.

That's nice.

lt's natural.

Mom, Dad wants to know

if you'll have dinner with him.

-What?

-Billy, l don't know if that's. . .

Mom, just do it.

What do you think of this shirt?

-Does it make me look pale?

-(SQUAWKlNG)

l know they are. lt's a little cold in here.

(HONKS)

How dare you?

Oh.

Nice. You were going to let me

go out like that. Some friend you are.

l got a reservation at Jean-Georges,

which is almost impossible

unless you're dating The Donald.

Which l am not willing to do.

Are you guys going to be okay?

Not that l don't trust you.

l just worry, that's all.

(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)

Pipperoni.

PIPPI:
Mr. Popper, Van Gundy phoned

requesting your presence

at the property in the park.

-Now?

-Please be punctual.

Okay, tell her l'll be there.

-l guess l'll kill two birds with one stone.

-(HONKS)

lt's a metaphor.

Uh. . .

Yeah, we'd prefer to sit over here. Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, thanks.

Are you looking for someone?

No. Just taking in

the ambience of the room.

lt hasn't changed in 30 years.

lt's got sort of a decaying charm.

-Okay, what is it with that table?

-What?

You look like you've seen a ghost.

No, l'm fine.

Thom, it's me.

My dad used to bring me here

whenever he was home.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

That was our table.

He used to give me these souvenirs

he'd bring

from his incredible adventures on the road.

lt was about the only time

l ever got to see him.

Thanks, Dad.

lt's actually a good memory.

Sometimes they're the worst.

We were married for 1 5 years,

and you have never told me that.

Hmm.

You are a complicated man, Mr. Popper.

(LAUGHlNG)

l don't know.

l think this old place has still got it.

Where are we going?

That's for me to know

and you to find adorable.

Oh, really?

Yes.

(AMANDA LAUGHlNG)

POPPER:
Right, left. Right, left. Right.

Well, we're out of the medals.

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