Mr. Popper's Penguins Page #6

But we had a good time.

Nice trick.

l can't believe we're doing this.

l brought a girl here once, a long time ago.

lt was closed,

so we broke in and stole skates.

She sounds amazing.

l thought so.

Then she got on the ice,

and she was kind of a clutz.

l think she was just trying to impress you.

You remember the boathouse?

Oh, the boathouse.

-Yeah, it was surprisingly warm in there.

-Yes, it was.

-Yeah.

-Yep.

-Mmm-hmm.

-Mmm-hmm.

(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)

(LAUGHlNG)

l don't know what happened there.

l think we just hit a rough patch.

l'll race you.

That's good, you got it.

Want some more? Want some more?

-You let him in?

-He had a badge.

-A badge from the zoo.

-JONES:
Look at this.

Hey! Step away from the penguins.

These birds have eggs, Mr. Popper.

They need a full veterinary workup.

Yeah? Well, if l get worked up,

you're going to need a workup of your face.

Really?

You've got some interesting ideas

about animal care, Mr. Popper.

You stick them in front of the TV?

Yeah. Chaplin. A classic.

You've got one nesting

in the produce bin of your refrigerator.

(SCOFFS)

Just shows what you know.

That's a cheese drawer.

Fish fillet sandwich with tartar sauce?

ls this your idea of a healthy animal diet?

Ooh ! Evidence! Call CSI.

You planted this.

You have no idea

what you're doing with these birds.

Like you're some kind of penguin expert.

l am a penguin expert.

Yeah, but. . . Yeah, okay.

lt's time for me to take these birds

and put them in a proper home.

You aren't giving them what they need.

l am giving them exactly what they need.

What? What are you giving them?

l am giving them love.

Love?

Well, it sounds weird

when you make me say it.

These aren't children, Mr. Popper.

They're animals.

They need food. They need snow.

And every once in a while,

one of them needs to be eaten by a whale.

-(HONKS)

-Hey!

You want to know who they love?

l'll tell you who they love.

Whoever is holding the fish.

Traitors.

Wake up, Popper.

These penguins can only survive

in the zoo or Antarctica.

So, sooner or later,

l will take these penguins.

POPPER:
Omega-3s, Pip.

Penguins are way ahead of us on this.

Mr. Popper, l'm perplexed.

How does this pertain

to the Van Gundy problem?

Van Gundy? Lots of that. Lots of that.

Please tell me you have a plan.

l always have a plan, Pippi.

They're fresh.

Oh, really? Why do l smell bleach?

Mr. Popper,

we're being pressed for progress.

Perhaps l could pamper the penguins

for you.

You need to procure your promotion.

No, Pippi.

What we need is squid, and plenty of them.

The weather outside is frightful

The fire is so delightful

Since there's no place to go

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

Oh ! Good morning, kids.

Babies on the way.

Got to get ready.

Young Gentoos need an ice shelf

at 28 degrees. A little powder on top.

That's right. l'm kind of a penguin expert.

Oh !

Hey, not in the house, young lady.

Besides, when you pack this stuff down,

you could really hurt somebody.

JANlE:
Come on, let's get him, Billy!

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

(EXCLAlMS)

You're begging for it.

Here, hold on.

Look how much can go in this hat!

Look how much can go in this hat!

Ah !

Uh-oh !

Grab a pen, Popper.

l'm going to hook you up with the number

of a very good moving company.

Ow!

-Hey.

-POPPER:
Wow.

l think l hear your mama calling.

(GURGLlNG) Kent! Kent!

You're only delaying the inevitable, Popper.

l'll be telling the board about this.

(FARTlNG)

POPPER:
Kids, wake up.

You don't want to miss this.

JANlE:
What are we doing?

Shh !

JANlE:
Wow. Cool.

POPPER:
Here it comes.

-BlLLY:
lt's coming.

-POPPER:
Look at that.

(CHlRPlNG)

-JANlE:
Dad, look.

-Yeah.

-BlLLY:
Holy cow, another one.

-POPPER:
Look, look, look.

lt's another one.

POPPER:
Reminds me of you guys.

Rangers on a breakaway!

They're out in the open ice.

Crosby! There's nothing but daylight!

-No way.

-Can Crosby back-check? Back-check!

-Oh ! Sorry.

-Hey, Dad.

-l got your number, okay?

-JANlE:
Ooh ! l'm so scared.

POPPER:
Mom.

The place is coming together, huh?

Or apart.

Captain's still waiting to be a dad, huh?

Mom. Yeah, that's right.

A woman can be a captain.

We don't tolerate gender bias in this house.

-Really?

-Cross-checking is okay, though.

(GROANlNG DRAMATlCALLY)

-Five minutes for fighting.

-Oh, man.

You promise to call me when it hatches.

Promise. Any day now.

Don't worry, Captain.

The little fella is just taking his time.

And l bet he'll be a great flyer.

You're falling asleep.

No, l'm not.

Hmm. lt must be me.

You really should go to bed.

Uh-uh.

l'm not leaving him. He's a Popper.

(AMANDA CHUCKLES)

Good night.

(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)

Oh ! Hey, guys.

We've left seven messages.

You look terrible, Popper.

We haven't heard anything

about the Tavern.

-What have you been doing?

-Uh. Well. . . Um. . .

l'm sure Pippi told you,

l've been kind of fighting a cold.

Pneumonia.

(COUGHS)

Move!

What the. . .

POPPER:
lf l'd have known you guys were

coming, l'd have cleaned this place up,

fired up the old Zamboni. (CHUCKLES)

The maid comes on Wednesdays.

He's gone insane.

FRANKLlN:
l've seen this before.

This is exactly what happened

with Howard Hughes.

Because you're old.

YATES:
Popper.

The Tavern?

Oh ! The Tavern.

The Tavern is an interesting project.

l have lots of ideas about the Tavern.

For God's sakes, man !

Pull yourself together.

Your house is full of penguins.

l know. l know.

l know how it looks.

But it's just one more egg.

And as soon as it hatches, l'm there.

Franklin, how long have l worked for you?

You know how many soccer games

l've skipped?

And dance recitals?

What are we doing this for, anyway?

There are just some things

you can't afford to miss.

lt's too late, we've lost him.

Popper, you're fired.

Okay.

Best of luck

in your future endeavors, Popper.

Appreciate it.

POPPER:
(SHlVERlNG)

Hatch, hatch, hatch, hatch !

Hatch, hatch, hatch !

Hatch, hatch, hatch !

Okay, it's going to happen.

l feel it. lt's happening.

lt's happening right now.

lt's happening right now.

l'm going to give it the touch.

Total belief. Total faith.

Come on.

(GROANS)

Wow.

Mmm.

l tried to warn you, Mr. Popper.

You're just not equipped for this.

Maybe you should let me

take care of them for a while.

What if the Statue of Liberty

had a friend?

POPPER:
Okay, people!

No more loafing around.

What's the matter, folks?

You've never seen a zombie before?

That's right, it's the Dawn of the Dead.

l'm eating brains and taking names.

Marshall, get Zoning on the phone,

l want to know

how soon we can break ground.

Remind them of our donation

to the Mayor's re-election fund.

Boy, l never get tired

of looking at New York from here.

l love what you've done with the place.

Popper, what are you doing here?

l'm on a mission of mercy, Franklin.

l decided to take you back.

You're taking us back? We fired you.

All is forgiven then, don't worry about it.

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