Mr. Popper's Penguins Page #7

Let me bring you up to speed.

l've been playing hardball with Van Gundy.

l told her kids

we were offering $1 00 million.

l suggested they make her life difficult

until she accepts,

so they've all moved back home.

Mrs. Van Gundy has planned

a press conference for tomorrow.

She wants us all present.

lf you'll excuse us,

we have to unpack.

Popper's back!

POPPER:
Oh, hey, guys!

-Hey, Dad.

-Hi.

Hey, how are you feeling?

Yeah, Dad, are you okay?

Yeah, l'm fine.

Before you go in there,

l think l should tell you,

there has been a couple of changes.

BlLLY:
Where are they?

They're okay, they're fine.

They're at the zoo.

And you know what?

lt's really the best place for them.

They're probably in an icy pool right now.

All the fish they can eat.

Full-time penguin masseuse.

The whole thing's being narrated

by Morgan Freeman.

You sent them away to some cage?

Billy, they're birds.

They don't feel things the way we do.

-Thom, l don't think. . .

-Don't bother, Mom.

Come on, guys.

We had fun,

but it's time to get back to reality.

We got soccer.

We got the Snowball Dance.

l'm not going

to the stupid Snowball Dance.

Cooper Keegan asked somebody else.

Janie,

sometimes boys are gonna disappoint you.

l'm not disappointed in him.

BlLLY:
Janie!

What was l supposed to do?

How about feel something?

Oh !

Please.

l feel great.

l saw you with that egg. l saw you !

That wasn't me.

That was a dream

where people live with penguins.

And their kids love them.

And all the eggs hatch.

So wake up!

Wow.

l think l just did.

And Rick wanted to extend the Ghana trip,

turn it into a vacation.

Are you okay with that, Popper?

Yeahbsolutely.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

POPPER:
Pipsi-CoIa.

Mr. Popper, we're pulling up presently.

(SlGHS) Okay.

Come on.

POPPER SR. :
My dearest Tommy,

in all my travels

I've never encountered

a creature quite so wise as this.

You see, once it loves you,

it never leaves your side.

l'm sorry, Son, that it took me so long

to Iearn that Iesson.

But l hope there's still time for you.

Give your little ones a hug from Grandpa.

And hold them as close as you can

for as long as you can.

Bald Eagle, over and out.

All right, everybody in. Let's go.

We don't want to go

to your stupid press conference.

-We're not going to the press conference.

-Pardon?

-Driver, take us to the zoo.

-JANlE:
What?

We're getting our penguins back.

-Yes!

-Yes!

Mr. Popper,

late as usual.

Call him.

Who?

Cooper-freaking-Keegan.

But, Dad. . .

Sweetie, you've got to put

your heart out there.

And it might get broken,

but that's how you know you have one.

Call him.

Dad, l don't even really like him anymore.

l just got the name down.

But thanks.

-Call her.

-Who?

Mom-freaking-Mom.

l don't really like her anymore.

l'm kidding. Give me that.

-(EXHALES)

-(PHONE RlNGlNG)

(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)

(CLEARS THROAT) Hold on. Sorry.

Hey, Janie. What's up?

Amanda, hi. Look,

l know this is a total Hail Mary,

but please don't go to Ghana.

Thom, are you kidding me right now?

lf you go there with him,

then it becomes a relationship, and. . .

l'm not asking for you

to just jump right back in with me.

l just want one more date.

Just stay

and go on one more date with me.

Please.

Long pauses are good, right?

lt means she's thinking.

Where are you going to take me

this time, Popper?

Another landmark

you're planning to tear down?

No.

The kids and l are going

to visit some old friends.

Two children, one adult.

Make that two adults.

Mom ! Yes!

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

lt's just a second date.

And it better be a good one.

POPPER:
Yeahbsolutely.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, guys, we're here to get you

out.

JANlE:
They're not here.

These aren't our guys.

No, they're not.

-Where are my penguins?

-l'm going to call you back.

Mr. Popper, they're not your penguins.

Don't give us the runaround, slick.

Why aren't they out there?

Because we already have penguins.

What we don't have is an emu.

Or a Komodo dragon.

Or a Bengal tiger.

-What are you talking about?

-Trading, Mr. Popper.

Zoos do it all the time.

Same as sports teams.

How do you think the Yankees won

27 championships?

lt sure wasn't their farm system.

Where are you sending them?

Three to Washington, three to Tokyo.

And the two chicks are going to Dubai.

But you can't split them up.

They're a family.

God's sake! They're just birds.

Just birds?

And what about the American eagle?

-ls that just a bird?

-Yes.

Okay, what about. . .

Big Bird is a Muppet.

Look, can they just see them?

My family is torn up about it.

My kids are distraught. Right, Billy?

Please, sir, can we just say goodbye?

-No.

-POPPER:
Children,

this is what a liar looks like.

Take a mental picture.

Look, Popper, l couldn't even if l wanted to.

They're already gone.

(HONKlNG)

-Loudy!

-Loudy!

You are a liar.

Popper! Popper!

-There you are!

-Guys!

Get back in there. Ow!

Bitey! Good job.

Mr. Popper,

those penguins are going back in the tank.

No, they're not.

What do we have here?

Anybody want some fish?

That's right. Come on in.

Come on, come on, come on. Hey!

-Not this time.

-(BANGlNG ON DOOR)

Do you have some kind of a plan?

l'm sorry, have we met?

Come on.

-(BANGlNG ON DOOR)

-Let me out!

-What took you so long?

-MAN:
Sorry, sir.

Sir, what do the suspects look like?

Hmm, uh, let me think.

They're the ones with the eight penguins.

Now seal all the exits!

AMANDA:
You guys have the babies, right?

JANlE:
Yeah, Mom, we got them.

Excuse us!

Avian infectious disease containment!

-AMANDA:
Antarctic bird flu !

-Very bad !

-Diarrhea! Vomiting !

-Vomiting ! Diarrhea!

You might want to hold your breath.

Thank you for your co-operation.

This way.

-Oh, no!

-Or that way.

BlLLY:
Come on, guys.

Follow me. Follow me.

Okay, try to act normal.

-(SQUAWKlNG)

-Go! Go!

l'll get him on this side. This way!

Get him ! Don't let him in the elevator.

He's heading to the roof.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Sorry, ma'am, you can't take this exit.

No, not this way.

lt's the north side exit,

you can't go this way.

Thank you. Sorry for the inconvenience.

(YELPS)

Hey, miss? Miss!

All right.

Nice and neat formation.

Okay, stay in formation.

Remain calm.

-What happened?

-l was pricked by a porcupine.

-Where were you pricked?

-ln my posterior!

l don't know where that is.

There's the limo. Just stay in formation.

JONES:
l'm at the rear door, he's not there!

-Hey!

-Break formation !

-JONES:
Popper!

-POPPER:
Break formation !

Halt!

Ha-ha! You lose, slave trader!

l don't think so, Popper.

Aren't you forgetting something?

No, l don't think l'm forgetting something.

Thom, we forgot to do a head count.

Okay, one thing l forgot.

GUARD ON RADlO:
We got him on the roof!

Captain !

(HONKS)

Captain ! No!

(YELLS)

She's doing it.

Captain is flying !

(EXCLAlMlNG)

Whoa!

Can you believe that?

Hey! (LAUGHS)

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