Muriel's Wedding

Hey, I'm already taken, love.

- Who got it?

- Muriel.

Looks like I'm next.

Cheryl. Cheryl!

I can throw it again.

You can't do that.

It went to her.

Muriel, throw it again.

What's the use of you having it, Muriel?

No one's ever gonna marry you.

You've never even had a boyfriend.

Cheryl's been going with Shane

for over six weeks. She's next.

Muriel, don't be selfish.

Sugar baby love

Sugar baby love

Keep your stupid bouquet!

Shane and I broke up last night!

Cheryl! Cheryl!

Now look what you've done.

You didn't even buy a new dress.

- Yes, I did.

- Cheryl!

Chook, I won't be a minute.

Cheryl's upset. Cheryl!

- Leave me alone!

- Yes, all lovers make

Make the same mistakes

As me and you

There you are. Now if you

put this under your pillow,

you'll dream of your future husband.

- That's what they say.

- We always meet at Mary Tate's.

G'day, Muriel.

That's an eye-catchin' dress.

You got a minute?

How's your dad?

Give him my card.

I want you to tell him that

Leo Higgins reckons he's a great man...

the best council president

this town's ever had.

- Will you do that for me?

- What happened to your nose?

- What?

- Nothing.

Sunburnt, that's all.

Oh, my God.

But we're friends. What?

- I love you.

- Yeah, but you love Tania too.

- Chook.

- What?

Shut the door!

Excuse me, sir. Move aside, miss.

Can you step aside, please?

- Please tell me--

- That's her.

Miss, we'd like to have a word

to you about your dress.

- What's wrong with it?

- You stole it. I saw you.

Give me your work number,

and if she can't turn up a receipt...

I can call you for a statement.

Ask for Dianne,

Senior Store Detective.

- Mind your head, please.

- I'm so pleased.

I had the perfect arrest record

until I lost her in boys wear.

How'd you know she'd be here?

I didn't.

I'm the groom's cousin.

It's as good as approved.

Well, no, it's not.

But it will be. Porpoise Spit Council

backs me a hundred percent.

- Look, we'll talk about it

at dinner tonight.

- Around and around

- Yeah, me whole family. Penelope!

- And around--

Do that somewhere else, will ya?

Ask your mum to make a cup of tea!

Mom, make Dad a cup of tea.

Mom! Make Dad a cup of tea!

- Me too.

- What?

Tea? Oh, yes.

- He got it! Look at that!

- Oh, man.

Did you see that?

That was unreal.

Muriel's back.

Muriel, did you steal this dress?

- No.

- Where'd you get the money to buy it?

You haven't had a job in two years.

- Mum gave it to me.

- Is this true?

Um, no, I don't think so.

Find the receipt. Go on!

What happens

if she can't find it?

We'll have to contact the store

and see if they want to press charges.

- You know who I am?

- Yes, sir. Councillor Heslop.

- Who are you?

- I'm Constable Saunders,

and this is Constable Gillespie.

Saunders? You're not

Graham Saunders' oldest boy, are you?

- Brad.

- Young Brad.

I haven't seen you since you played

fullback for the Porpoise Spit Giants!

How's your dad? How's he

recovering from that stroke?

- He's better than he was.

- You're terrible, Muriel.

How about a beer? Cold one

before you go back to work?

- Betty.

- Yes? What?

- Get the young fellas a beer.

- Oh. Yes.

You can dance

You can jive

Having the time of your life

Ooh, see that girl

Watch that scene

Diggin' the dancing queen

Friday night and the lights are low

Looking out for a place to go

- Where they play the right music

- See you, boys!

- Getting in the swing

- See you, Bill.

You come to look for a king

Anybody could be that guy

Night is young

and the music's high

I think he'll enjoy that.

It's very good.

Oh, honey prawns! Yes! Yum!

Aw, look at that!

You're a wonderful man, Charlie Chan.

- Thank you.

- How's your uncle?

- Very well.

I got his uncle out from China.

Talked to the boys from lmmigration.

lan McKay and his blokes,

they got his uncle out from China.

- This is a great man.

- Charlie.

- This is Victor Keinosuke

and his mate, uh, Akira.

- How do you do?

They're building a resort

at Wallum Beach...

and they might want a Chinese restaurant

in it, so keep the food comin'.

- Please, please.

- Thank you. Thank you.

It's all on the house.

I got his uncle out from China.

You've done a lot for the people

of this town, Bill.

- Who told you that?

- You did.

Ah, well, um-- I like helping out.

Ran for state government once.

Joanie, stand up.

Show 'em your shirt.

"Bill Heslop.

You can't stop progress."

- He lost.

- Yeah, well, missed on the postal vote.

In a way, I'm glad

I didn't get in.

I can do more for this place

at grass roots level.

You know, high rise,

malls, resorts.

Porpoise Spit Council

believes in progress. Muriel.

When Victor was 19,

he was a millionaire.

Muriel's on the dole.

So is Perry.

Well, I've got a job interview

next week. An apprentice locksmith.

Oh, that sounds wonderful.

Doesn't it, Bill?

A bit old for an apprentice,

aren't you?

A bit old for everything!

After she failed high school...

I get her into a secretarial course

run by a mate of mine.

$300 a term.

Two years, $2,000.

- She comes out, she can't even type.

- I could type.

Then I get her a job

at me solicitor's.

After a month, Stevie Mason rings up

and says he'll have to let her go...

'cause she can't type.

If I couldn't type, why did they give me

my secretarial diploma?

Because I paid for it!

Sits around the house

like a dead weight...

watching TV, sleeping all day,

getting arrested at weddings!

You're useless.

You're all useless.

A bunch of useless no-hopers.

Bill! Bill!

- It's Deidre Chambers.

- What a go!

- What a coincidence!

- What a coincidence!

Deidre, pull up a chair.

Penelope, shift out.

- Deidre, Victor Keinosuke

and his mate Akira.

- Hello. Hello.

All the way from China--

Uh, Japan.

Deidre's a sales representative

for Radiant Cosmetics.

- Beauty consultant, Bill.

- Sorry. Beauty consultant.

"Sales representative"

sounds so common.

I advise women on the right

lipstick, base and eyeliner.

Of course, you'd know all about make-up.

Your wives are probably geishas.

You look lovely, Deidre.

Muriel, how was that wedding?

- She was arrested.

- That's lovely.

Don't you wish you were

22 again, Betty?

Remember that age?

Oh, yes. What?

I bet you were a terror

when you were 22.

Bill, was she a terror?

Where's Charlie Chan

with that food?

Oh, yes, where is he?

Anyone? Oh, wait.

I think we've got a winner over here.

Two new bars through there.

Here she comes.

Give her a bit of a hand.

Your dad was telling me

you're unemployed, Muriel.

Would you like to work for me?

- What's wrong?

- What's the matter?

Yeah, tell us.

We won't tell anyone.

Hello.

Don't bottle it up, Tania.

You've got to let it out.

You can tell us what happened.

We won't tell anyone.

He-- He couldn't do it...

so I-- you know.

And I noticed there

was lipstick on it.

- On what?

- His dick!

He said he was having an affair.

Who with?

- Rose Biggs.

- Rose Biggs?

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