Muriel's Wedding Page #2

Well, he said they don't sleep together.

She only sucks him off.

Why?

- Out of respect for me.

- B*tch.

- Bastard.

- What am I gonna do? I'm a bride!

I'm supposed to be euphoric!

Come on the holiday with us!

Cash in your ticket to Bali

and have your honeymoon with us.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, come on, Tan.

All right.

We are gonna have the best time.

I'm so excited!

What holiday?

Just Hibiscus Island.

We didn't think that you could afford it

because you don't have a job.

Yes, I do. I got one last night.

I'm a beauty consultant.

Let's tell her. We were

gonna tell her after the holiday...

but I think we should tell her now.

- Muriel--

- Wait!

Let her finish her Orgasm.

Muriel, people think we're mad.

But that's just us.

We're ragers.

People invite us to parties, and

they know we'll just have a good time.

- We're mad.

- Party, party, party.

That's our image.

You know what I mean.

We're mad.

We don't want you

hanging around us any more.

I didn't steal the dress.

It was a mistake.

It's not the dress, it's you.

We've told you a thousand times how

to do your hair, but you never listen.

- You never wear the right clothes.

- You're fat.

You listen to '70s music.

This is the '90s.

- We all listen to the Baby Animals.

- And Nirvana.

- You bring us down, Muriel.

- You embarrass us.

I, I know I'm not normal,

but I'm trying to change.

I'm trying to become more like you,

more of a--

- It's too late.

- But I can change!

You'll still be you.

Muriel, you've got to find

friends on your own level.

Like I found Chook.

He's up on my level.

Marrying him was

the happiest day of my life.

I love him so much!

That bastard!

I'll show him.

I'll go on this holiday

and I'll sleep with a thousand men!

I'm not nothing.

Muriel, can't you think of anyone

but yourself? Tania's upset.

I'm not nothing!

Well, nobody said that.

Oh, please don't chuck me

out of the group!

Muriel. Muriel, you're

embarrassing us again!

And Perry kicks!

He picks it up!

"Go yourself! Go yourself!"

is the roar from the crowd.

Heslop! Heslop! Heslop! Whoo!

How can a man be so strong

and so fast? Heslop!

Perry!

Wake up to yourself!

And Heslop's made a comeback!

How does he do it?

- Did he apply for the police force?

- Yes, but they wouldn't let him

sit for the test...

'cause he was too tall.

- Muriel up?

- Muriel!

You've got to get up!

It's nearly 10:
30!

Make sure she sees Deidre Chambers

about that job.

- Give her a blank cheque

for the cosmetics.

- A blank cheque? How much for?

It's a blank cheque.

She fills in the amount

when Deidre tells her what it is.

And tell Perry to mow that back yard.

Clean the place up. It's a pigsty.

Joanie, will you turn

off that television and clean

this place up? It's a pigsty.

Muriel, you have to get up and go

and see Deidre Chambers about that job.

- And I have to give you a blank cheque.

- Have you seen my smokes?

It's wonderful for Deidre

to give you work.

She's a wonderful person.

I don't care what anyone else says.

- Mum?

- What who says?

All those people

who've never liked Dad.

Those greedies and those

terrible women at the post office.

What are they saying?

Do I make this out to Deidre Chambers

or Radiant Cosmetics?

A blank cheque. Cash.

What are they saying

about Deidre and Dad?

They say that they

go driving at night...

but he's only showing her

his developments.

- His what?

- His building sites.

I'm gonna be a success, Mum.

I'm gonna get married,

and I'm gonna be a success.

I know you are. Your dad just

wants to be proud of you, that's all.

I'll show him.

I'll show them all.

And now, everybody a big round of

applause as we welcome to the stage...

act three in Hibiscus Island

Talent Quest.

The Tropical Delights!

Let's hear it for the girls! Thank you!

The tide is high

but I'm holding on

I'm gonna be your number one

I'm not the kind of girl

who gives up just like that

Oh, no, oh

- Hey, whose shout is it?

- Cheryl's.

Cheryl's shout!

- Muriel!

- Where did she get the money?

Hi. What a coincidence.

You're a mental case!

You keep away from us!

You're got no dignity, Muriel.

- Are you Muriel Heslop?

- No.

- Yes, you are.

- Why?

I don't know why.

You just are.

Rhonda Epinstall.

We were in high school together.

You dropped out in year ten.

I dropped out in year eleven.

Ha! I knew it was you!

- Hey, swap seats?

- Yeah, indeed.

So, are you married now?

- What?

- Well, you said you

weren't Muriel Heslop.

If you changed your name,

I thought you must have got married.

No. Yes.

- I'm engaged.

- Anyone I know?

- What? Who? Tim.

- Who?

- What?

- Tim who?

- Simms.

Tim Simms.

Don't know him. What's he like?

- Um, like no one.

- Smoke?

- What?

- I shouldn't. I'm an asthmatic.

- So where is he?

- Who?

Tim Simms.

I'm on to you.

You're not wearing

an engagement ring.

You're here

without your fiance.

You're out for a good time,

aren't you, Muriel? A last fling?

I suppose so.

You are wicked! Well, stick

with me, 'cause I'm wicked too.

My whole life is one last fling

after another.

Hey, remember Tania Degano?

She got married, to Chook.

- To what?

- Chook. Peter Vernell.

Oh, I remember them. What a pair

of a**holes. They deserve each other.

Whenever I think about

how revolting Porpoise Spit was...

I think about Tania Degano and those

idiots that she used to hang out with.

They made my life hell.

Do you ever dream about what you

would say to them if you saw them now?

I do see them now.

They're over there.

- What are they doing here?

- They're on Tania's honeymoon.

Chook couldn't come.

- No, l--

- Tania!

What a fantastic surprise.

I don't believe it.

I haven't seen you

since Porpoise Spit High.

- How are you?

- Married.

Muriel told me!

- Turkey.

- Chook.

Chook. That's right.

Well, congratulations!

- Come and have a drink with us.

- Yeah.

Really? You want

to have a drink with me?

Well, we can't let you spend

the entire holiday alone.

We're not in school

any more, Rhonda.

You don't have to feel

you're not good enough for us now.

- I don't.

- If I feel you've changed,

I'll tell you.

I'm honest,

unlike some people.

- I tell it like it is.

- The truth?

- Yes.

- I tell the truth too.

Nicole's having

an affair with Chook.

Muriel saw them f***ing

in the laundry on your wedding day.

Stick your drink

up your ass, Tania.

I would rather swallow razor blades

than drink with you.

Oh, by the way, I'm not alone.

I'm with Muriel.

And now let's hear a warm welcome

for act five in the Hibiscus Island

star search.

- It's fabba ABBA!

- My, my

At Waterloo

Napoleon did surrender

Whoa, yeah

And I have met my destiny

In quite a similar way

The history book on the shelf

Is always repeating itself

Waterloo, I was defeated

You won the war

Waterloo, promise

to love you forevermore

Waterloo, couldn't escape

if I wanted to

Waterloo, knowing my fate

is to be with you

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