Muriel's Wedding Page #5

Why didn't you tell me

you were gonna marry Tim?

- Who?

- Tim Simms, your fiance--

the one who wants to shoot you.

Now, now, now, now just a minute. You

can't come in here and threaten brides.

- I don't care how unfortunate you are.

- F*** off.

What is going on, Mariel?

I've seen your wedding album.

You've tried on every dress in Sydney.

- That doesn't mean I'm getting married.

- What else does it mean?

I wanna get married.

I've always wanted to get married.

If I can get married, it means

I've changed-- I'm a new person.

- How?

- Because who would want to marry me?

- Tim Simms.

- There is no Tim Simms. I made him up.

In Porpoise Spit,

no one would even look at me.

But when I came to Sydney

and became Mariel, Brice asked me out.

And that proves

I'm already different than I was...

and if someone wants to marry me,

I'm not her any more.

- I'm me.

- Her?

Muriel! Muriel Heslop!

Stupid, fat and useless!

I hate her!

I'm not going back

to being her again!

Why can't it be me?

Why can't I be the one?

Have you been in a coma?

Rhonda?

Dad.

If they have a copy of this document,

then the option is...

giving you a doctor's certificate

saying you are unfit to testify.

Can I have that title deed, Paul?

That's the one.

We can only assume that Victor Keinosuke

has given them a copy of this deed.

Muriel, why'd you do it to me?

I gave you money. I got you jobs.

I put her through

this secretarial course.

$2,000 for two years, it cost me.

Comes out, she can't even type.

I get her into selling cosmetics.

We all think she's making a go of it.

Turns out she's robbin' us blind.

You're a disgrace, an absolute disgrace!

A-Are you Bill the Battler?

I saw you on TV.

Can I please have your autograph?

Me and my dad think

that you're not guilty, Bill.

I've changed my name to Mariel.

Good on you, son.

You spread it around.

You can't stop progress!

You're comin' back to Porpoise Spit

with me.

We'll leave in three weeks,

once this inquiry crap's over.

- I can't go back. I'm a new person.

- You're a thief.

The only reason

I never got the coppers onto you

is your mother begged me not to.

I want that money back.

I'll get you a job at the Leagues Club.

I'll arrange a bank loan for you.

You're going to make up

for what you've done, Muriel.

It's Deidre Chambers.

Deidre! Deidre!

Hey, Deidre!

Bill!

What a coincidence!

What are you doing in Sydney?

Well, my sister lives in Sydney.

I'm down for the long weekend.

- Pull up a chair.

- What a coincidence!

- My barrister, Graham Newman.

- His two solicitors,

and Muriel you know about.

- Hello.

It's Mariel!

We should get back, Bill. Victor

Keinosuke's testimony starts at 3:00.

That Jap bastard! He's gonna testify

that I took bribes from him.

- Commissions.

- Commissions. I took commissions.

Cut through all that red tape for him.

I deserve some sort of acknowledgement.

They'd never have got to build

that resort on Crown Land without me.

- It was the Crown Land that did it.

- Total overreaction.

- There were aboriginals living on it.

- The federal police raided the house.

Your mother just let them walk in.

She and Perry made statements--

told them I had money problems.

- Don't think about it.

- Of course I had money problems.

- She stole most of it.

- You need your family around you.

If the Feds come near you,

don't you say a word.

- Are you and Deidre together?

- What?

Have you left Mum for Deidre?

Yes. We're in love.

What about Mum?

What happiness has your father had

in his life if he doesn't have me?

- What about Mum?

- She'll have you.

You got three weeks.

It's come back-- the tumour.

I have to have another operation.

I'm not gonna walk.

But what about

your rehabilitation?

They're gonna cut

my spinal cord, Mariel.

Mum called.

She wants to take me back

to Porpoise Spit.

I told her I was gonna

stay here with you.

Head down! Head down!

Come on! Come on! Swing it!

Blokes with no legs and no arms

cut through the water faster than that!

Look at that! You're going through there

like a constipated duck!

Look at 'em flopping around

all over the place!

Burchett, what do you think this is,

synchronized swimming?

Water aerobics for geriatrics?

You're supposed to be a sprinter!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Mariel?

Ken Blundell. How are ya?

Van Arkle!

I think we found you a girl.

David Van Arkle, Mariel Heslop.

Mariel, you've probably seen the news

about the civil war in South Africa.

Well, just as the South Africans

seem to be doing the right thing

by the blacks...

the police open fire on a black soccer

club, and that is bad news for David.

- Are you black?

- What?

I don't know why I said that.

Well, well, it is funny, in a way.

But let's be honest. The South Africans

were never much chop in the pool anyway.

David here

is a bit of a freak, really.

And I think that he is gonna get

the gold medal...

for the 1,500 metres

in the next Olympic Games.

Mariel, how did you feel

when Kieren Perkins...

took gold for Australia

at Barcelona?

- Who?

- Kieren Perkins.

- He's an Australian champion.

- Now, David's family...

are willing to do anything to see him

fulfil his potential as a champion...

even if it means swimming

for another country.

And they're willing to pay

$10,000...

to the girl that'll help Dave out.

Are you from Sydney originally?

What? No, Porpoise Spit.

A-And why did you leave there?

Well, because of all the mental things

that happened to me.

I got shallow, and my physical being

could have been improved...

and as well as my mentality.

- What about the black-haired one?

- No, she was Turkish.

She's only been in the country

five minutes.

Now, whoever marries David

will have to...

tell the immigration authorities

that they're in love with him.

Now there'll be media attention...

so they'll have to live with David

in his flat...

for at least four months

after the marriage.

I've worked out all the details

of the romance...

which you and David

will have to stick to.

But the most important thing

is to convince people...

that you two are really in love.

- What about the blonde?

- You didn't like her.

- I'm not so sure now.

- Now, I think Mariel might be...

just what we're looking for.

Well, it's up to you now, love.

Would you find it difficult to lie?

I could try.

Well, don't rush your decision...

but if you could let us know

by tomorrow morning.

You can dance, you can jive

Having the time of your life

Ooh, see that girl

Watch that scene

Diggin' the dancing queen

I know you couldn't have got up onto

the altar, but at least she could have

asked you to be bridesmaid.

- She did.

- Why didn't you say yes?

You could have been on television.

I don't want to sit up here, Mum.

- I wanna sit in the corner.

- No one'll see you over there.

Well, if this is your attitude,

I don't know why you bothered coming.

At least you won't

be in anyone's way.

Rhonda?

Is that you?

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