Murphy's Law Page #3

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where I go, you go.

Hello, there!

Get the hell out of there!

Let's go!

Look what the hell you've done to my barn!

- Who are you?

- Help me, please.

This guy's an escaped killer, the

helicopter's stolen, and I'm his hostage.

Are you saying you stole

a police helicopter?

What do you think I am, stupid?

It happens to be true, jock itch!

If you don't believe me, all you gotta do

is call the cops,

and let them know where we are.

You hear that, boys?

All we've got to do is call the cops.

Yeah. While we're at it,

let's just call the governor, too.

Yeah, and the president.

Look, penis-envy,

if you don't call the cops, I will!

They're not gonna call anybody.

Look at all this sh*t hanging around here.

This is a dope farm.

Hey, no kidding?

You guys grow marijuana?

Come on,

let's light up a few joints and party.

This little girl wants to party.

Well, I think we should give

the girl what she wants.

Oh, yes.

- Hey, kiss my ass!

- Get away from her!

You bastard!

Hold this b*tch down!

- With pleasure.

- Get off me! Get off...

Get off me,

you f***ing son of a b*tch!

Want me to hurt you, baby, huh?

You want me to hurt you?

Because I'll hurt you.

No! God!

Nothing you can do about it.

Just lay back and enjoy it.

Don't, you son of a b*tch.

Come on, baby. Come on.

No! Murphy!

Let's be friends, 'cause I'm gonna give it

to you like you ain't never had it before.

No!

I want her second, Kelly!

Murphy! No!

Get off, you...

Look, don't do it, man! Don't do it!

Don't do it, man. Please, don't do it.

Not having such a good time now,

are you, bad-ass?

Please, man. Don't kill us.

Please don't kill us, man.

First one who sticks his head out the door

gets it blown off.

Okay, man. Okay.

Can you wire that truck?

Does the Pope sh*t in the woods?

Check this out. They left the keys.

Hello?

Anybody here?

Hello?

Murphy, come on. Murphy?

Come on. Murphy, please!

Oh, God.

Don't dump on me, you buffalo sh*t.

Hey. Come on, Murphy.

Hello?

I'm calling you a doctor.

Put that phone down.

Who are you?

There's a friend of yours

in the other room, and he's hurt.

What's his name?

Murphy.

Where did you learn to

do stitches like that?

In the Medical Corps in Korea.

He gonna be all right?

Well, he's got himself a concussion.

But he'll probably be okay

in a couple of days or so.

He's gonna have

a hell of a headache, though.

I'm Ben Wilcove.

You got a name?

Arabella McGee.

You hungry, McGee?

Yeah.

You a Cop?

I used to be.

What happened?

Well, I got shot in the back with a .22

by a 16-year-old kid.

You don't like cops much, huh?

Not much.

I don't either.

How you feeling?

I've seen better days.

Where's Ben?

Outside somewhere.

Hey. You shouldn't be drinking, you know.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

You always this friendly, huh?

Listen, kid.

I know you don't like me.

Well, I don't like you.

I know you don't want to be here,

and I don't want you to be here,

so let's let it go at that, okay?

Fine.

Ow.

Damn it.

Here.

What the hell is it?

It happens to be an omelet.

I thought maybe you'd like something for

breakfast besides a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Jesus.

If I was gonna eat anything,

it wouldn't be that garbage.

Fine, dog-snot, don't eat it. Wear it!

You know, Murphy,

you have always been a stupid jerk.

But this time,

you are a particular kind of stupid jerk.

What the hell are you talking about?

She just took off,

that's what I'm talking about.

That's fine by me.

Murph.

You're gonna need a gun, man.

This gun looks familiar.

It should be. It's my old backup piece,

and it saved my butt, man.

Maybe it can take care of yours.

Yeah, chances are I will need it.

No, you just get the bastard

that framed you.

Take care, old friend.

Murph?

McGee?

Hey.

Look, Murphy, why don't you

just go away, huh? You're a jinx.

Every time you show up in my life,

things go wrong.

First, I get arrested, right?

Then I get railroaded into this jailbreak.

You know, why don't you just go away before

an airplane falls on me or something?

I'm sorry.

I mean, you're not a bad guy for a cop.

It's just that I don't want to get

involved in your problems, all right?

I got enough problems of my own.

And, uh, don't worry.

When I turn myself in,

I won't tell the cops where you are.

Thanks. Now get in.

Get in.

I must have boogers for brains.

What the hell am I doing here?

Hey, pull over. I'm hungry.

I'm not.

Look, whiskey-breath, maybe all you

need is a bottle. I want some food.

You better take a look at this.

Terrific, huh?

They think I'm your accomplice.

He was a pretty nice old guy, huh?

God, who would have killed him?

The same son of a b*tch

who killed my ex-wife.

Frank Vincenzo.

Jesus. Don't you ever make any friends?

We're gonna split. Go.

Forget it, dog piss!

The only way I get off the hook

is if you get off the hook,

'cause the cops are

looking for me for murder.

So, from now on, pal, where you go, I go.

You stay with me, you do what I tell you,

you hear?

How are you this evening,

Judge Kellerman?

Fine, thank you.

The chef recommends you try the breast

of quail, stuffed with fresh dates,

covered with raspberry vinegar sauce,

and sprinkled with roasted hazelnuts.

Sounds good.

And a bottle of Veuve Clicquot.

Certainly.

Excuse me, now, I know

this is going to sound very corny,

but have we ever met?

I don't know. Have we?

It's just that you seem so familiar to me.

I was about to have dessert.

Would you join me?

I'd like that very much.

Ah, doesn't that feel good?

Oh, it feels wonderful.

Oh, that feels so good.

How long has it been

since someone's giving you a bath?

Well, I must say,

no one since you've given me a bath

has ever given me a bath.

Oh, come now, certainly

someone's given you a bath before?

Ooh, are you ticklish?

You are ticklish.

Ooh. Tickle!

Right. I'll get back to you.

Hi, guys. Listen, I don't mean to bother

you, but I got a flat tire out there.

And I was wondering if one of you boys

could help me fix it.

- Sure.

- I'm freezing.

Come on inside.

Jack, you want to fix

the lady's tire, okay?

Uh, spare's in the back.

Well.

Nice place you got here.

Bet you a lot of important people

live here, huh?

A few.

Bet you none of them are as

good-looking as you are.

Any of these apartments empty?

Got a couple.

Why don't we go upstairs

and take a look, huh?

I bet the view is fantastic.

Hey, Jack. I'm gonna take a little break.

Be back in about 20 minutes.

Nice bed.

You know what? Pink really gets me hot.

Yeah? Me, too.

- You know what?

- What?

I've never felt anything so small.

Murphy? Where the hell are you?

What took you so long?

I didn't want to interrupt love in bloom.

Pepe's Pizza.

You never had a piece like this.

Hi. $9.75.

Nobody up here ordered a pizza.

Sure they did. Some guy named Guido.

Well, you made a mistake.

There's no Guido up here.

This is the penthouse, right?

Well, I got a large sausage and mushroom

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