My Baby's Daddy Page #7

Hell, be Uncle Virgil

back in the day,

I'd have both them chicks

over at my house right now.

Cookin' my breakfast.

Butt-naked.

With the house shoes on.

Best thing I can suggest to you

is you get yourself

back in your baby's life

as soon as you can.

Don't be like me, Dom.

End up old.

Lonely.

Living with

your goofy-ass nephew

and his broke-ass friends.

Do I really look like Rerun?

Brandy!

Slow down, kids.

Brandy!

Brandy, can you find it

in your heart to forgive me?

You know, the loving,

the caring, the compassionate,

the dashing, the debonair,

the real Lonnie.

He's back.

And he'd like another chance.

How about dinner tonight?

I'm all ears.

You want some pig feet?

Ooh, is she a cutie pie.

Like her mama.

Yes, indeedy, feed the needy.

Want some ribs?

Some chitlins?

So, we were

high school sweethearts.

I thought

he was Prince Charming.

But he turned out to be a toad.

Your ex and my baby's mama

need to get together.

'Cause she's a rat.

A hood rat.

Right.

You know, I've always had

this idealistic view of family.

House in the burbs.

With the white picket fence.

And a cute puppy, like a...

Chocolate lab.

Oh.

Let me clean those for you.

Hey, are these new glasses?

Yeah, the other ones

are kind of large and square.

What you waitin' on, dawg?

An engraved invitation?

Huh?

Kiss her, fool.

Go, Lonnie.

Go.

Go, Lonnie.

Yeah.

I know Ho-landa's my mama.

But Brandy's all that

and a bag of tits.

He's right, boy.

I mean, check out those

tig old bitties.

I've been sucklin' those

chocolate-milk sacs for months,

and it is nice.

Lonnie.

Are you feeling okay?

No, I think I had

a little too much wine.

I guess it is getting

a bit late.

Yeah, maybe I should be going.

That's my daddy.

What the hell is...

Open up the door, fool.

What the hell is this, man?

Breakfast, fool.

No, man, I'm talking about what

the hell you do to the room.

My grandmother told me

make myself at home, man.

Want a grilled-cheese

sandwich, man?

No, I'm cool.

All right, then.

You still mad at me, man?

Look, Robin Hood.

Because of what you did,

XiXi ain't speakin' to me.

I haven't even seen

my baby, man.

That little stunt you pulled

really messed my life up.

What's up with you, man?

You still the same guy that got

"Thug Life" tatted on his arm?

Yeah, that's me.

But I got my son's name

tatted on the other arm now.

We gonna always be boys, man.

We family.

I got a family of my own now.

So that's my priority.

I feel you, dawg.

I'm proud of you, man.

Thanks, baby.

Now, you sure you don't want

one of these grilled cheese?

Yeah, go on

and hook me up one, man.

All right, then.

It's organic.

What the hell you doin' bustin'

in here like you pay the bills?

I mean, like you're the police.

Sit your Count Crackula-lookin'

ass down.

- What?

- And you shut the hell up.

Show me some respect

around here.

'Cause Lord knows I earned it.

The days of you two b*tches

using my baby boy

for a payday are over.

He's coming with me.

And maybe, just maybe,

if you get your sh*t together,

I might let you see him.

But Princess Ro-Ro...

But Ro-Ho, my ass.

Be-otch!

You don't like the way I roll,

take me to court.

Come on, little Carver.

Let's go home.

Sorry you had to hear that, man.

Oh, don't worry.

You'll still get

your little $300 a week.

Ain't that what you had him for?

Let's get out of here.

Swoll!

Mama, no.

And I'm proud to say that many

of Philadelphia's top artists

have recorded right here

in this studio.

And we have

an award-winning engineering...

Dominic.

What are you doing here?

I just want to tell you

you're right.

Being a parent means

being there every day.

Look, I know

you don't need me, Nia.

But I need Jasmine.

Things haven't exactly

been going my way lately.

First the Brothas Stylz

fire me.

Then I find out

you're a lesbian.

Wait a minute.

You got fired?

You're a lesbian?

Thank you.

Thanks.

The other day,

I went to visit you, right?

I saw you and Venus

with Jasmine.

You guys looked

just like a family, you know.

And it became clear

what's important.

I need to be part

of my daughter's life.

I want to pack her lunch on

the first day of kindergarten.

I want to put Bactine

on her skinned knee

when she falls off her bike.

I want to keep her away

from players like me.

I know it sounds stupid.

But there's more to life

than chasing girls.

That's raising one.

Come here.

Let Daddy strap you in.

Swoll, leave him alone.

You can't bust up in here,

take Ro's baby,

and break out, Donnie!

What you want to do, little man?

Huh?

What you want?

It's Lonnie!

Lonnie, partner.

Can I roll with you?

Not this time, Little Tupac.

Superboy that became Superman.

Ro, you shouldn't have

never let that man

slip through your fingertips.

Hey.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry it took me so long

to figure out

I wanted to spend

the rest of my life

with you and Bruce Leroy.

I don't want Bruce Leroy

growing up

not knowing who his father was

like I did.

I want him to be proud

to call me "Dad. "

And I want you to be proud

to call me your husband.

XiXi.

G, you had me at "hello. "

For the block, boy

Take it rough

Every day it's been the same

old thing on my block

You either workin'

or you slangin'...

My man Lonnie

finally found happiness.

By the power vested in me

by the state of Pennsylvania,

I now pronounce you

husband and wife.

You may now kiss the bride.

Look at that.

You got spit on her chin.

Whoa.

Save something

for the hotel room, there.

Your kids gonna watch this.

Honeymoon time.

Honeymoon time.

Lon, the Carver 5000

is da bomb, man.

Thank you, Uncle Virgil.

And Brandy inspired him to

achieve his dream

of becoming the most successful

black inventor

since the sister

who invented the hot comb.

Toys"R"Us just ordered

1,000 units of the Carver 5000.

Whatever happened to

the Stylz Brothas?

Yeah, yeah.

The white boys.

Kind of had a problem

at the Apollo.

What's up, my niggas?

- Bad management.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dom stopped being a player

and started being a father.

Inspired by his baby girl, Jas,

he decided to spin

his music career

in a different direction.

He created

Hip-Hopscotch Records,

and the first act he signed

was Little Tupac.

A.K.A. Mini T.

It's Mini The biggest

preschool mack around

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday

Dear Carver, Jasmine,

Bruce Leroy

Happy birthday to you

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

No Good finally found

his niche.

And it's organic.

No pesticides or nothing.

All right.

He got himself

his own cooking show

and became known as the "O. G."

The Organic Gangster.

A smidgen of cayenne pepper.

Cayenne!

- Then boom!

Pow!

Ta-dow!

The flavor is major

in this piece.

Now, meat tenderizing.

First...

- You get your meat.

- Oh, yeah.

Then you get your tenderizer.

Gonna beat that meat.

Fist, meet meat.

Meat, meet fist.

And you start tenderizing,

brother.

Where my money at?

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