My Best Friend's Wedding Page #12

MICHAEL:

Well, forgive me for screwing up

your plans!

He can't even believe he's hearing this.

MICHAEL:

I'm sure glad I'm hearing all

this now, before it's too late!

KIMMY:

What is that sup...

MICHAEL:

And what am I supposed to do with

my life, huh? I am 28 years old!

I work in a low-paying, low-status,

zero-respect job which,

unfortunately, I happen to f***ing

love. How inconvenient.

Shrugs.

MICHAEL:

No problem. A little bullshit

about Daddy's "needs," and presto,

I'm a lap dog in high society.

JULIANNE:

(softly)

Michael, it sounds like a

wonderful opportun...

MICHAEL:

(whips around)

Does it, really? How come you

never took some sell-out

establishment job? You had plenty

of chances!

Glares in her eyes.

MICHAEL:

I'll tell you why. Because that

isn't you. And it isn't me,

either! We're the same person!

Back to Kim...

MICHAEL:

What a sweet little picture. Mommy

and Daddy aren't losing a daughter,

they're gaining a eunuch!

KIMMY:

Well, if that's the way you f...

MICHAEL:

Damn straight, it's how I feel!

What's their wedding gift, a little

gold collar that says "Mikey-poo"?

Or do I have to change my name to "Binky"?

She's crying now. Real tears on her face.

MICHAEL:

Great! Tears! The big equalizer.

You wait till two days before the

wedding to drop this on me, and

I'm just supposed to roll over and

drool!

She is sobbing now. She can't help herself. Which makes him

totally crazy. He jumps up.

MICHAEL:

Fine. I'm an insensitive, chauvinist

a**hole, and you're well rid of m...

KIMMY:

MICHAEL!!

A wrenching cry from her heart. It stops him cold. And before

Julianne's astonished eyes, Kimmy reaches out a trembling hand...

KIMMY:

Michael, you are so...

Choking back the sobs.

KIMMY:

... so right. And I am so very

wrong.

Michael blinks. Julianne blinks. For different reasons.

KIMMY:

We can't go down two roads. And

still be together.

Her fingers stretch, beckoning.

JULIANNE:

Uh, Kimmy...?

KIMMY:

(ignores her)

We settled this. And I reneged.

That wasn't fair.

Please, please, take my hand.

KIMMY:

You have to forgive me, and forget

this ever happened...

People are watching, staring. These two see only each other.

KIMMY:

... or I'll die.

A frozen, forever moment. He steps to her...

... LIFTS her up in his arms. Into the deepest, most heartfelt

KISS. And as she clings to him, people begins to APPLAUD, and

whistle, and laugh.

Julianne. In her pretty dress. Closes her eyes.

INT.JULIANNE'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

Julianne in her nightshirt, her back to us, sobbing into her

cellular as she paces the room...

JULIANNE:

... see that's what I never

counted on! I never heard of

a brilliant moron before!

We CLOSE as she WHIPS around, startling us with her grotesque day-

glo PURPLE face mask. The green was better.

JULIANNE:

I mean, the little twerp

GROVELED!!

Losing it. We know the drill.

JULIANNE:

SHE IS SO WRONG FOR HIM!

Clutching the phone.

JULIANNE:

Michael and I are the same person!

Self-absorbed and imperfect and

vaguely loveable! We deserve

each other!

Tears are flowing. Which, over this mask, is not a pretty sight.

JULIANNE:

I'm out of hope, I'm out of sneaky

ideas, I'm at the end of my

rapidly-fraying hysterical little

rope! Help m...

She TRIPS over an open suitcase, and DISAPPEARS from frame. The

THUD is slightly alarming.

JULIANNE (O.S.)

God, I hate this hotel.

HOLD. On nothing is particular.

JULIANNE (O.S.)

And I hate talking to your machine!

INT. JULIANNE'S ROOM - EARLY MORNING

REAR VIEW of Julianne asleep on the floor, sunlight streaming in.

A soft knocking on a door, somewhere nearby. She barely stirs.

The knock becomes a strong RAPPING, and she fights for conscious-

ness. Her back still to us, she...

... rises, STUMBLES to the door, which is now pulsing with an

insistent POUNDING, and THROWS it OPEN, as we SNAP to...

REVERSE ANGLE... CLOSE on Julianne's face, still encased in a now-

decomposing PURPLE MASK, her eyes SPRINGING wide, she SCREAMS in

shock, and we SNAP BACK to...

ORIGINAL ANGLE... Digger, watching impassively at the high-strung

SHRIEK. In the silence that follows...

DIGGER:

You stole my line.

He touches his face, and she realizes!

JULIANNE:

Oh, sh*t!

Starts CLAWING at the overripe mask, but he grabs her wrists.

DIGGER:

Chill. We don't want your face

coming off with it.

JULIANNE:

Chill? Since when do you say

ch...

DIGGER:

When I'm talking to children.

She looks in his eyes. Realizing at last.

JULIANNE:

You flew all the way h...

DIGGER:

I noticed. I'm on the noon back.

We have this thing with George's

family in the Hamptons.

JULIANNE:

(soft)

You're butting in.

He still holds her wrists. She brings one of his hands to her

lips. Kisses his knuckles.

JULIANNE:

(softer)

I really resent this.

INT. BATHROOM - MORNING

Julianne seated at the sink, staring into the mirror, as Digger

gently applies soup, cloth and water to easing away the mask. A

paleontologist restoring a Bronze Age artifact. By the side of the

half-filled sink, rests her plugged-in curling iron.

JULIANNE:

What I mean, when I say annoyingly

perfect, is that there is nothing

annoying about her perfection.

It is vulnerable and endearing.

And that is annoying as sh*t.

DIGGER:

You like her.

JULIANNE:

If I didn't have to hate her, I'd

adore her.

She looks up at him and WINCES, as the movement makes him scrape

her face. He's sorry.

JULIANNE:

Last night, she was crying, these

big, real tears, when she thought

she'd lost him. It was like there

was a knife in her heart...

Looking in his eyes. Needs him to hear.

JULIANNE:

... and I put it there. I hated

myself, I grieved for her, I

couldn't enjoy one second of it!

And then, when it didn't work...

Can you believe this?

JULIANNE:

I was devastated.

DIGGER:

(softly)

Go figure you.

JULIANNE:

Because I realized. When I see

him say "I do," that knife will

be in my heart. And it will be

there every...

She holds his wrists now. To stop him. To plead for

understanding. Forgiveness.

JULIANNE:

... every time I think of him,

forever, which could be a lot.

She almost choked on that last part. So she composes herself.

JULIANNE:

You watch a guy caress his

girlfriend's butt. You see an

Old Spice commercial. Sentimental

moments are everywhere, when

you're in the right frame of mind.

She swallows hard. Fights for a grip on her determination.

JULIANNE:

There are 18,250 nights in the

next 50 years...

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes