My Best Friend's Wedding Page #6

JULIANNE:

Desperate measures! Do you

hear me? Digger, are you the...

SQUAWK. Static. Then...

JULIANNE:

I don't know, hit men, whoopee

cushions, saltpeter, something!

The girl is impossibly impregnable.

Even I want her to get the guy!!

Listens.

JULIANNE:

Tell him the what? The truth...??

She shakes her head. What a guy.

JULIANNE:

That desperate. May I never get.

INT. LUXURY BOX, COMISKEY PARK - AFTERNOON

Game in progress. Watched by Michael, three groomsmen his age, two

middle-aged men, and one bodyguard. Suddenly, a dull THUMPING at

the door. It keeps up. They finally all look over. The bodyguard

gets the door, revealing...

JULIANNE:

Which of you gents ordered

two beers?

One single tray. Holding fourteen beers. Balancing on one hand.

Michael JUMPS UP, terrified at the impending mayhem this sight

suggests...

MICHAEL:

Wow! Lemme give you a ha...

JULIANNE (sweetly)

Michael. You'll unwittingly

imply that I'm clumsy.

He stops in his tracks. The guys whistle.

MICHAEL:

Think of that. And as well as

I know you.

She goes first to the bodyguard.

BODYGUARD:

Sorry, ma'am, I'm on duty.

JULIANNE (lovely smile)

It's Miss. And thanks. That

leaves two for me.

Heads down the row...

MICHAEL:

Julianne Potter, this is Hank

and Gerry from SI, and you know

Daniel...

She's nodding, flawlessly plucking two beers each from perimeter

of the tray, keeping the rest perfectly balanced in the center.

Michael is flat dumbstruck. Next, a tall patrician gentleman with

rolled-up sleeves on his hand-stitched silk shirt...

MICHAEL:

Oh. This is my father-in-law,

Walter.

Once again, she gracefully plucks two beers for the distinguished

father-in-law...

MICHAEL:

How are you doing this? You're

on drugs.

Sets them down. The man has a smile wonderful in its ease.

Murmurs...

WALTER:

If he gives you grief, I'll have

him skillfully beaten, where the

wounds won't show.

JULIANNE:

I guess getting him whacked would

be politically out of the question.

WALTER:

Under the circumstances. Charmed

to know you, Jules.

JULIANNE:

Nice meeting you, too, Walt.

A nod between equals. She moves on...

MICHAEL:

And, this guy, you know...

She sure does, and effortlessly balancing her one-hand load, she

dips to kiss a porky, balding guy with big-time shoulders.

Straight on the lips.

JULIANNE:

Papa Joe.

They go way back. He is uncomfortable at this rich man's wedding,

even as gracious as everyone has been. His watering eyes twinkle

at her, and the voice has a trace of Boston...

JOE:

You gonna be my boy's best man?

Despite SHOUTS from the others...

JULIANNE:

Best everything, Joe. But I'm

going to dance with you.

MICHAEL:

Dance? You don't dance! You

learn to dance??

Her innocent smile.

JULIANNE:

Moves. You've never seen.

BIG reaction from the guys, as she heads toward Michael with the

last of the beers, not looking down at the FIELDER'S MITT which

lies right in her path, and as his lips part to scream a warning,

she skips...

... neatly AROUND it. He's in shock.

MICHAEL:

You're an impostor! What have

you done with my best friend?

As he takes away the remaining beers...

MICHAEL:

And how was the hot dog?

Hot dog? His eyes fix on her left breast. HUGE mustard stain.

She can't believe it.

MICHAEL:

Cheap and unnecessary. We were

looking anyway.

EXT. LUXURY BOX ROOF - DAY

Michael and Julianne sit with their beers on the edge of the luxury

box roof. The game, the stadium, spread out beneath them. Yet

they are alone in the world. She dangles her legs, and we can hear

her kicking the glass below.

JULIANNE:

I just admire your maturity,

that's all. I mean, there are

people who would find that kind of

perfection boring. Day after day,

year after year...

MICHAEL:

... see, that's what I thought at

first. How can you like someone

that perfect? No potential for

long-range livability.

Drinking their beers. Side by side. Both stare only at the game.

MICHAEL:

Luckily. The closer I watched,

the more the fault came into

focus. Each imperfection its own

adorable slice of vulnerability.

JULIANNE:

Such as.

MICHAEL:

She's too genuine.

JULIANNE:

Hate that.

MICHAEL:

How can you trust someone you

can never mistrust?

JULIANNE:

What's next?

Keep sipping. Never look at each other.

MICHAEL:

No matter how many times I

leave the toilet seat up, she

forgets and puts it down.

JULIANNE:

Endearingly absent-minded.

MICHAEL:

My very point. Here's another one...

Shakes his head. This one really gets him.

MICHAEL:

Every day. She makes the bed.

JULIANNE:

Quite the little eccentric.

MICHAEL:

At first, I thought it was a

gag, but she's always done it!

This is not the ammunition Julianne was hoping for.

JULIANNE:

Is there a coup de grace in

here, somewh...

MICHAEL:

She admires. Tommy Lasorda.

JULIANNE:

Waiter! Check, please!

MICHAEL:

She finds him "personable."

JULIANNE:

Can that kind of defect be

passed on genetically?

She looks over now. And Michael is looking back. Smiling the most

wonderful smile. Her reaction shows that she thinks it's for her,

until...

MICHAEL:

Then again. She has a few good

traits.

Hating herself for asking, but seeing no way out...

JULIANNE:

Gimme like, eight and nine off

the top ten list...

MICHAEL:

First girl I ever knew. Who

lets me give her a bath.

The look in his eyes. She can hardly bear it.

MICHAEL:

And when I hug her, even in

public. I don't have to let go

right away. She lets me hold

her as long as I want.

He seems so deeply in love.

MICHAEL:

Nice kid, don't you think?

A beat. A slow nod. A quiet...

JULIANNE:

Looks like, from here.

INT. SOUTH SIDE CLUB - NIGHT

A slender black woman sings a SOARING Gospel number, backed by

three ladies who could each solo in any church choir. It is

mesmerizing, stirring, transcendent. The unseen audience CLAPPING

FIERCELY in rhythm, SHOUTING support. SLOW PAN now...

... every face is black. We aren't in church at all, but a

venerable blue club. One of those places you'd swear everybody's

played, from Robert Johnson to Bessie Smith and back again. As

the song ends, there is APPLAUSE, some RAPPING on tables with their

knuckles or their drunks. We keep PANNING to a far corner. Three

faces.

Julianne leans across her beer to Kimmy...

JULIANNE:

How'd you find this pl...

Kim shaking her head. Looks admiringly to Michael...

KIMMY:

Lived here my whole life,

never heard of it. Until

our first date.

She reaches slender fingers. Traces one back along his hair.

KIMMY:

He finds all these spots,

everywhere he goes, it's a

mystical gift.

MICHAEL (shy)

Jesus, one d-back from the Bears

knows a place...

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