My Best Friend's Wedding Page #7

KIMMY:

It's not just clubs. This guy

always knows the best everything.

The best guitar store, the best

beef ribs, the best Horowitz record,

was he always like the...

JULIANNE:

... always. The best dim sum, the

best camping stuff...

KIMMY:

Stop, we're embarrassing h...

JULIANNE:

... best valley in New Zealand,

best... women's shoes...

MICHAEL:

I tried those on. When you

weren't looking.

Now he's grinning at Julianne. And she likes that a lot.

JULIANNE:

Where was that, Florence, huh?

MICHAEL:

Firenze.

Together in the memory. As Kimmy watches.

JULIANNE:

The Vespa? Me hanging on behind

in the rain all night?

MICHAEL:

Till the gas ran out.

And, the first sniff of left-out...

KIMMY:

I love Florence.

Julianne's eyes flicker. Could this be a teensy opening? Keeps

her eyes, her easy smile, and her killer instincts trained on

Michael.

JULIANNE:

Take her there.

He nods, okay.

JULIANNE:

I mean, now. She's perky,

she deserves a honeymoon.

He draws a breath...

JULIANNE:

I heard. If San Antone sweeps

Sacramento. What is this sh*t?

You gotta get off the road by

September anyway, when does Fall

Quarter start?

And the happy couple look at each other. They are awkward.

Julianne's heart soar like eagle.

KIMMY:

Uh. I'm not coming back. For

senior year.

Could this be. The Mother Lode?

JULIANNE:

Don't architects find a degree,

sort of... an asset?

The couple still staring in each other's eyes.

KIMMY:

Well, the school will be here.

Architecture will still be around.

Right now...

MICHAEL:

I travel every week. College

ball, motor sports, training

camps...

KIMMY:

The most important thing. Is

being together.

And she smiles. Beautifully.

KIMMY:

I'm just a baby. I've got all...

the time... in the world.

EXT. CLUB - NIGHT

Michael putting Kim in the back of a cab. As Julianne watches.

MICHAEL:

Because I could come...

KIMMY:

To the twins' soiree? So they

can paw you and drool...?

JULIANNE (calls out, helpful)

They're gonna drool anyway!

Kim smiles. He kisses her, tenderly, through the open window. She

waves past him at Julianne.

KIMMY (to both)

Enjoy each other.

And drives off. As he watches after, Julianne comes up behind him.

Slips her hand up onto his shoulder muscle. Starts giving a little

massage.

JULIANNE:

Should I whistle down a cab?

MICHAEL:

Hey, cabs are expensive. I'm

cheap, remember?

Turns his head, to see her. She's still rubbing his shoulder.

JULIANNE:

Sometimes. About the dumbest

things.

Share a smile. As always, it covers a lot of years.

MICHAEL:

The El's right down the street.

Unless you're afraid of the

neighborhood.

She looks around. It is an issue. But she remembers...

JULIANNE:

No. I'm always safe with you.

She means that. He takes her by the hand. They begin walking...

JULIANNE:

Pretty amazing girl, you've got.

Make that kind of sacrifice.

MICHAEL:

What, leaving school...

JULIANNE:

... all of it. She's leaving her

family, her friends, everything she

knows. She's putting her career

on hold, and she seems a pretty

ambitious, driven, kind of pers...

MICHAEL (quietly)

In her way.

JULIANNE:

All to follow you in this dumb

job, where you travel 52 weeks

a year to College Station, Texas,

and such. It's not a job for a

grown man, Michael, Peter Pan

never married.

He's let go of her hand now. Looking down at the pavement before

him, fists in his jacket pockets.

JULIANNE (softly)

I don't think she's naturally

the... submissive type. Aren't you

afraid she's gonna choke on this

stand-by-your-man sh*t after awhi...

MICHAEL (real quiet)

No.

Hit a nerve. This is promising.

JULIANNE:

I mean Walter owns the Sox, cable

sports... most girls in her spot would

be angling to get Daddy to offer you

some juicy gig right here in t...

MICHAEL:

She would never. Never. Even think

of that.

Paydirt. Julianne's Geiger Counter is going berserk.

JULIANNE:

I guess you're right. That would

be deceitful... manipulative...

controlling... emascula...

MICHAEL:

I got the point.

He looks over at her. No smile on his face. An edge we haven't

seen. She shrugs...

JULIANNE:

Still. All's fair in love and

w...

MICHAEL:

That would be a girl. I don't

even know.

They've reached the stairs to the El. A rickety train RATTLES

above them. As they start up, she slips her arm around his

waist...

JULIANNE (murmurs)

Forgive me, okay? I was talkin'

crazy.

He slides his arm around her shoulder. Pals. They climb out of

frame.

INT. HOTEL BATHROOM - LATE NIGHT

CLOSE on a shallow pool of water in a bathroom sink. Green powder

pouring in, a hand SWIRLING it around, until...

JULIANNE (O.S.)

It's Albanian, I think. Or Mongolian.

Or Canadian. One of those. I bought

it downstairs...

... it becomes truly disgusting lumpy green mud.

JULIANNE (O.S.)

I figure, what the hell. Can it

make me look worse?

Follow the hand up as it SLATHERS the sh*t across her face in great

green dripping gobs. She's juggling the wall phone, trying to keep

it mudless, as she assures Digger...

JULIANNE:

Dig, of course. Of course, of

course, of course, of course I

have a plan. Certainment!

More green slime. The Julianne we know disappears.

JULIANNE:

How? I ask myself, what would

Lucy Ricardo do in this situa...

Desecrates three hotel towels, wiping her hand.

JULIANNE:

Well, one worked, once.

THROWS them in the bathtub. Fastidiousness a short suit.

JULIANNE:

Ricky wouldn't let her in

the show.

Reaches for her toothbrush, absently. All her attention is on the

conversation and the hideous green face in the mirror.

JULIANNE:

I recall it differently, but

we digress.

Without looking, picks up a tube of hotel shampoo...

JULIANNE:

So in the version, you're Ethel,

with better fashion instincts.

Squeezes it all over the toothbrush.

JULIANNE:

This puts you in charge of Plan B,

the unprincipled and insanely

dangerous back-up plan...

Lifts it toward her mouth, liquid shampoo dripping from the

bristles.

JULIANNE:

In case simple lying doesn't work.

At the last second. She stops. We don't know why, because she's

still never looked at the brush.

JULIANNE:

Question. What happens if you

brush your teeth with shampoo?

Turns on the tap. Tries to scrub the toothbrush clean, and DROPS

the phone into the green swamp, which SPATTERS all over her front.

Euucch. She's stymied, agitated, circling the sink, leaning down

to it...

JULIANNE:

HOLD ON. I'M COMING IN FOR YOU!

She sets the toothbrush down in her toiletries kit. Decides to

YANK on the phone's cord, and the receiver SPRINGS out, BOPPING

her in the face. She's so filthy at this point, she just wipes it

clean on her nightshirt. Tells Digger...

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