My Best Friend's Wedding Page #9

She turns back. Loves this sh*t.

MAITRE D'

It's unofficial, of course. But,

traditionally, the humidor is for

gentlemen, only...

JULIANNE:

Great. I've got this girlfriend

at the Justice Department? With

all this time on her hands?

Her look is every bit as hard as his. He gestures to the

escalator. She takes Kimmy's hand, and up they go. We can see

Walter in a big leather chair, enjoying a major stogie. Kimmy

licks her lips.

They enter. Every head turns. A nice range of reactions, from

offended to attracted and points in between.

JULIANNE (murmurs)

Piece of cake. I'll hang, and

think happy thoughts...

Kimmy nods. Heads over toward her father. Julianne walks,

confidently, even provocatively, to the wall lined with bins of

cigars. Every eye in the place is on her butt.

She runs her fingers over a few contenders. Plucks one out,

examines it, puts it back. Walks a little farther. Selects

another, big and black. Rolls it expertly in her fingers. Sniffs

along its length.

A guy comes over. Could be 40, successful, a broker's pin-stripe.

Nearly as attractive as he thinks he is.

GUY:

Know what you're looking for,

little lady?

Little lady, huh? She glances at his coven of buddies, who pretend

not to notice. Then, straight to the guy's blue eyes.

JULIANNE:

Yeah. Do you?

GUY:

I asked first.

Ah. Wit. She holds up her cigar...

JULIANNE:

I like 'em long and hard. Kind

of... big around.

Runs it under her nose.

JULIANNE:

Smell is important, I'm a believer

in that.

Takes a match from a cut crystal bowl.

JULIANNE:

But you never know what you've

got. Till you run your tongue

over it.

And she does. Moistening the full length of the cigar. The boys

are laughing openly. She STRIKES the match. As she lights up...

GUY:

I meant. What you're looking for

in a man.

She glances at his wedding ring. Then, straight into his eyes.

JULIANNE:

Actually, I'm partial to married

gentlemen.

The way she says that. The guy swallows. We can see some of the

air has been sucked from the room.

GUY:

Why is that?

JULIANNE:

It's so much time. When I phone

the wives.

Explosive LAUGHTER from the peanut gallery. As she jams the big

Clemente Churchill into her mouth, she sees Kimmy waving her over

from across the room. Without even looking at the guy she's just

put away...

... she crosses the room, Walter stands politely, looking very

dapper, very powerful, and focusing on her with considerable

interest. He waits until she sits on the edge of a costly leather

hassock.

WALTER:

(simply)

Your idea?

She can't read this guy. Maybe that's how he built an empire. She

nods, yeah.

WALTER:

You're a woman of insight.

He sits on the arm of his chair. Close enough to speak quietly.

WALTER:

My wife and I love this marriage,

and deplore its circumstances.

He puffs his cigar. Julianne puffs her. Kimmy looks on, a kid

watching the grown-ups...

WALTER:

As you guessed, my daughter is

unhappy about giving up her life.

And, in my opinion, cowardly in

avoiding the necessary confrontation.

Then he stops. As if reading Julianne's eyes.

WALTER:

Mike has a world of ability.

I'd do anything to have him in

my company.

One more puff.

WALTER:

Except ask him.

Julianne is a little stunned. Kimmy looks helpless.

WALTER:

He'd resent it. And me. And,

most important, Kim.

No smile on his lips. Straight talk.

WALTER:

He's a great kid, but he's still

a kid. Instead of recognizing

that his resistance comes from

insecurity, he'd turn it to anger.

To protect himself...

Spreads his hands...

WALTER:

... from realizing that he's

ignoring my daughter's needs,

despite how very much he loves her.

He looks to his daughter now.

WALTER:

They both have some growing up

to do. But they're good people,

they're starting with love.

They've got time.

JULIANNE:

(softly)

I think you're making a mistake,

sir.

His eyes come back to her. A little sharply.

WALTER:

And that interests me. How

someone who knows him so well

could be so wrong.

A formidable guy. She meets his gaze.

JULIANNE:

See, I love him, too, as much

as anyone here. And for a

whole lot longer.

From her heart.

JULIANNE:

I think I know best what would

make him happy.

INT. TOILET STALL - DAY

Julianne, fully dressed, sits on the closed lid of a toilet seat.

The stall is tiny enough to arouse claustrophobia in an astronaut.

Her cellular phone pressed to her ear, she is listening angrily,

smoking ferociously, every call in her body running at red-line.

JULIANNE:

Okay, okay, okay, okay, I hear

you, all right?

She closes her eyes.

JULIANNE:

It is stupid, dishonest, desperate

beyond belief, and can't possibly

ever work. It can only end in

humiliation and disgrace. Now can

I say two words?

Deep drag on the cigarette. For strength.

JULIANNE:

Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

She's striped her gears. COUGHS horribly.

JULIANNE:

All right, twelve words.

INT. PUBLIC RESTROOM - DAY

Julianne exits the stall. To face three BLACK TEENAGE GIRLS. Just

staring at her.

TEENAGER:

(supportive)

You do it, girl.

Julianne nods to the kids. They nod back. Damn straight. She

exits the restroom, into...

... glaring sunlight. We are in the middle of the BROOKFIELD ZOO.

And sitting on a bench, eating popcorn from a bag...

MICHAEL:

Wow. What was going on in

there?

She shudders.

JULIANNE:

Some crazy person.

EXT. ZOO - DAY

Michael and Julianne walking together. He's eating his popcorn.

She carries a cardboard container with nachos, a gooey fudge waffle

cone, and a large drink.

MICHAEL:

You're not eating.

JULIANNE:

I never eat when I'm serene.

MICHAEL:

You never eat when you're

despondent.

JULIANNE:

I switched that around when you

weren't looking.

She swirls a single nacho chip in cheese. But her heart isn't in it.

MICHAEL:

Last zoo we were in was...

Beijing, yeah? Sure. The rhinos

were f***ing.

JULIANNE:

Boy, those were the days.

And when she looks over. His eyes are waiting.

MICHAEL:

(softly)

Yeah, they were.

They're passing the hippo pen. But they don't notice.

JULIANNE:

That was nice. The way you

said that.

So was that. He's feeling restless, something. Doesn't know quite

what to say.

MICHAEL:

It's weird being the groom. All

these things Kimmy has to take

care of...

JULIANNE:

You need a baby-sitter. That's

what I'm here for.

He holds her eyes. Then looks down. Awkward. And the way he's

doing it begins to excite her.

JULIANNE:

Say it.

He looks up, neither one of them noticing that as they walk, she is

about to...

... CRASH into a chest-high metal stand that displays animal facts.

We have followed him as she is WIPED from frame. His face from

shock... to amusement.

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