My Boss's Daughter Page #6

Listen, I-I don't know

what line of work you're in,

but I've never seen my boss's ass,

Hey, man,,,

Hey! Hey, stop it

or I'm gonna call the cops!

And tell them what?

Your drug deal went bad?

You rat me out, I'm gonna

carve you up like a turkey

and beat your kids

with what's left of you,

- I don't have any kids,

- I can wait,

(. Cell phone ringing

"Fur Elise" by Beethoven))

Excuse me, Hello? Right, OK,

Tommy, let's get clear on something,

In the next 60 minutes, I'm gonna

bring Vasquez what he paid for

or your gift-wrapped nuts,

(door shuts))

- Oh, hi, Tom, What's going on?

- Yeah, That's what I wanna know,

What's going on with your dad's gift?

See,,, Do you see that guy?

He was gonna kill me!

Don't you think you're

overreacting a little, Tom?

Overreacting? The guy had a knife!

I don't think that I am overreacting!

He probably just had the wrong address,

I mean, there's gotta be over a dozen

Jack Taylor's in Chicago alone,

I'm gonna go to my dad's bedroom,

You tell me if the guy shows up again,

All right, All right, You listen to me,

You're not even supposed

to be in this house,

Says who?

I know about the restraining order, Red,

Restraining-shmaining, I mean,

that's just a big misunderstanding,

(Audrey)) Tom! It's OJ!

(overlapping chatter)

(Audrey and friends)) Oh,,,

- Whoa, Hey, Who are you?

- I'm here to see Lisa, My name's Hans,

- Is that so shocking?

- No,

What, you surprised she'd go out

with someone like me?

No, no, It's not,,,

Give me a break, man,

You oughta be ashamed of yourself,

Let me tell you something,

There are a lot of girls out there

who can see past the fact

that I just happen to be,,,

a few pounds overweight,

(crying)) You know, inside

I'm just like everyone else,

- Let me get you a tissue,

- Thank you,

- I'm on the second day of a new diet,

- Hey, uh, Hans,,,

- I gave up chocolate,

- I'm really sorry,

I think that, uh, we just

got off on the wrong foot,

Oh,,, uh,,, It's good

to meet you, Hans, I'm Tom,

I, uh,,, (clears throat)

I'm just a friend of Lisa's,

Oh, great, Well, maybe you can

help me, Is she here? Lisa! Lisa!

Whoa, Hans, you know what?

Maybe right now isn't a great time

for you to see Lisa,

What say, uh, we get you a drink?

Oh, OK, Yeah, she's

probably really upset,

You see, we got in a misunderstanding

tonight and, well, she left me,

- Wow, that's unfortunate,

- Yeah,

Uh, what happened?

Well, I think seeing me naked from

behind like that kind of shocked her,

Oh, So, tonight was the first time,

Yeah, Tonight was the first time,

It was awesome,

I mean, I was lying up on the bed like

this with one leg straight up in the air,

- I don't think I really need to see,,,

- And I had a handful of ass right here,,,

- Whoa,

- ,,, and I had a handful of this,

Hans, please, Whoa,

God, you're,,, that's,,,

- And that's when Lisa walked in,

- What?

She caught me in the bed with a blonde,

What?

Aw, come on, man, Tell me you

haven't ever wanted to do it with a,,,

Hans, Hans, No,,, you cheated on her,

You know something, Tom?

You're right,

Aw, I guess that was cheating,

And now I've gone and lost everyone,

I should have known

from the start it wasn't right,

She kept telling me

I reminded her of her dad,

Hans, you gotta realize

that this is over, you know?

And you gotta put an end to it,

and-and move on,

- And get yourself to a better place, OK?

- Yes,

- I think you know what I mean,

- Yeah, I do know what you mean,

And I'm ready, I know what I have to do,

Well, I guess this is good-bye,

- (squawking))

- OJ!

(Hans)) Thanks, Tom,

(Tom)) OJ, come back!

(dog barks))

OJ!

(squawks))

Hello, You must be Julie's date,

Come in, Come in,

Actually I'm just here looking for a bird,

Make yourself at home, Albert,

Julie's still getting ready,

- No, actually, uh, my name is Tom,

- I'm sorry, I'm hard of hearing,

- Could you speak up, please?

- (shouts)) My name is Tom!

I could've sworn Julie

said your name was Albert,

No, see, I'm afraid that you're mistaken,

- Is someone here?

- Yes, This is Julie's date, Albert,

- Ah! Ah!

- This is my nephew, George,

- He's blind and crippled,

- Oh, Uh,,, (shouts)) nice to meet you,

I'm not deaf,

Excuse me, I'll go see what's

keeping Julie, She's probably nervous,

So you're Julie's date, huh?

No, I'm just,,, I just came here,

I was looking for an owl,

(laughs)) You don't have

to make lame excuses,

Listen, do you know what the

advantage is in being a cripple?

No, I can't say that I do,

You don't really care to hear much

what I have to say, do you?

No, no, It's not that, I'm,,,

You know what?

Go ahead, I'm listening,

Sit down, Tom,

You know what I gained

by becoming a quad?

What, are you shaking your head?

I can't see, you know!

I'm sorry, Uh,,, uh,,,

Tell me what you gained,

I no longer need my Viagra,

Now I can maintain

my arousal for hours,

That's-that's great,

I guess things have a way

of evening themselves out

in the long run, huh?

No, not really, And do you know why?

No, why?

Because I am a blind,

quad freak, you moron!

What, you think women dig this?!

- I mean, you think women go,,,

- Well, hello,

,,,"I wanna give that mutant

freak my number"?

- Ken Morehouse, I'm Julie's dad,

- Hey, nice to meet you,

Is, uh, George boring you

with his self-pitying tripe?

- Tripe,,,

- No, not at all,

"I'm blind, I'm crippled, Boohoo-hoo,"

Leave the room, I wanna talk

to Albert alone for a second,

- I can stay if I want,

- Leave the room!

- OK, OK,

- Get out!

- You don't have to be huffy about it!

- Get out now! Get out!

- OK,

- Turn it, turn it, turn it,

- Oh, for God's sakes,

- (clatter)

- I'm so sorry,

- (George)) Who the hell put that there?

- (cat meows))

- (thud)

My daughter's gonna be a few minutes,

Have a-Have a seat, Albert,

- Tom,

- No, Ken,

- Right, You're Ken,

- Yes,

Before you say anything, Albert,

I just want you to know that Julie

is really self-conscious about her

appearance since the,,, the accident,

- (door shuts))

- Right,,,

- Oh, Julie,

- Julie, this is Albert, Albert, Julie,

- It's nice to meet you, Albert,

- Wow, It's,,, wow,

It's nice to meet you, too,

But, the thing is, is that I'm not Albert,

- That is to say that I'm not your date,

- Oh,,

There's been a giant misunderstanding,

- Oh, how could you?

- (crying)) I knew this would happen!

No, I'm telling the truth,

Julie wasn't pretty enough

for you, Mr, GQ? Is that it?

- No, you don't understand,

- Oh, I understand, Fabio,

- You broke that poor girl's heart,

- No, no, See, I'm not,,,

Do you think Julie is an idiot? Do you

think she bought your little fairy tale

Mr, I'm Too Sexy

for my medical booties?

- Oh, th,,,

- Get the hell out of here,

Or I'll kick your pretty-boy ass

to kingdom come,

- Am I interrupting something?

- No, it's just that the,,,

- (squawks))

- (grunts))

Tom, there's two things

that we need to talk about,

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