Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List Page #3

"lost in translation."

- I love it!

- Amazing.

I'm telling you,

I've seen it a million times.

He says, "I'll always remember

these past few days with you."

Okay. Naomi,

let's set this boy straight.

At the end

of "lost in translation,"

Bill Murray pulls scar-jo in

and whispers,

"I have to be leaving,

But I won't let

that come between us."

Right?

Come on. Right?

There's this film festival

going on up at Lincoln center.

- We could go.

- No, ely and I don't go above 14th street.

You know what,

I have a better idea.

Let's go.

Grab me.

I put on some make-up

I turn on the 8-track

I'm pulling my wig

down from the shelf

Suddenly

I'm miss Farrah Fawcett

From TV

Until I wake up

And I turn back to myself

Whoo!

Shag, bi-level,

bob, Dorothy Hamill do

Sausage curl, chicken wing,

it's all because of you

With your blow-dried,

feather-backed

Toni home wave too

Flip, for, frizz, flop,

it's all because of you

t's all because of you,

it's all because of you

Whoo-hoo

Yeah.

Thank you. Oh!

Ely:
Yeah! That was amazing!

Oh, my god, you were amazing.

I loved that one part

when you were doing the thing.

When you were crawling

across the table.

- Did you like that?

- So sexy.

There's your little buddy?

Oh, my god, I know you.

Can I get your autographs?

No.

That was insane.

I'm beat.

Ely, homeward bound, darling.

Oh, daddy is hoping

for a hot hook-up

Somewhere in this big bad city.

Hold up.

Are you ditching me?

Uh, girl, I thought you two

were gonna bump the uglies.

Oh, right, we are.

We so are.

Um, hey, you know,

you could, like,

Definitely come back

to dorm room if you wanted.

Be good, you two.

But not too good, huh?

Get some.

- Bye!

- Bye!

Yeah.

Woman:
something's

happening to me, ooh

something's happening to me

I feel myself changing

- face it

- nice robe.

What I want, what I want

what I want, what I want,

yeah...

Do you maybe wanna, like...

I don't know, take your top off?

Um...

Do you want me to?

Um, if you want to?

- Okay. Sure.

- All right.

Ooh. Victory.

Wow. Um...

Is... is that from choice?

You gotta see this video

of these ferrets on youtube...

Oh, sh*t.

Apologies. Proceed.

- You wanna watch a movie?

- Yeah.

Cool.

Naomi.

Oh! Oh, monkeys.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah. I'm fine.

This is embarrassing.

Thank you. Tampon.

So, what, your college Bruce

Couldn't you help you

carry these?

Gina.

Is that your girlfriend?

She must be really pretty.

Obviously, she's pretty...

Gina was my mother's name.

Was?

I took this gig

when she got sick.

I had to work nights

so I could take care her

When my dad was working.

Package for...

Thank you.

Just a little clumsy today

I guess.

Thanks, yeah,

I'll sign for that.

Ugh.

Bills, bills, boring bills.

What is this?

I have no idea.

I've never seen

anything like it.

Curious George,

did you happened to see

Who put this archaic contraption

in here?

Naomi:
Mom?

Mom? Mom!

Mom!

Have you gone non-linear?!

- What are you doing?

- Oh, hi, honey.

What the hell are you doing

with a freaking sledgehammer?

The closet wall...

Well,

he had his and her closets,

- And there's no need for two anymore.

- Holy sh*t.

- And that's why I thought I'd make one giant open space.

- Sh*t.

I've thinking of pursuing

interior design.

Maybe you should stick

to jewelry.

K. Flay:
little did I know she

would get so crazy so fast

so maybe I'll get baked

on the daily

put my feet up,

let my mind go hazy

little did I know

sh*t would get this gnarly

this quickly,

I hardly had time to think

unh-unh,

no time to think

if you're mad, fed up,

find a bone to pick

and if you wanna get laid,

then don't commit...

Ely? Ely!

'Cause

it's all downhill...

Hell will freeze over before

we come up with the money

To pay for that wall.

If you need help, I can be

a kind of a... Handyman.

My folks split up,

and I came unglued

and I haven't really

slept that well since then

staring at alarm clocks

on my nightstands...

I have to find ely.

Sampling loops

like they're dim sum

tell myself I think I can,

little engine

but sometimes seems

like it's all been done

I wanna end

on a good note...

Ely, I hate you.

Pick up your phone.

Think I'll stay in bed

I wanna end on a good note

but, damn, I misspoke

hi.

I'm here with ely.

Yeah? You and everybody else.

- Really?

- Really.

Put my feet up,

let my mind go hazy

little did I know sh*t

would get this gnarly

this quickly, I hardly

had time to think,

unh-unh, no time to think

if you want nice eyes,

wear maybelline

if you need a new friend,

pick Rachel Greene

if you wanna act wild,

go make a scene

getting paid over here,

baby, ching-a-ling

if you're scared to propose,

then save the ring

and if you can't get it up

when you lay the D

well, I suggest

you switch your mind state

when people ask you

how it's going

just say I'm great

okay, well, I suggest you

switch your mind state

when people ask you how

it's going

just say I'm great,

I'm great

Not bad.

Ely!

Oh, my god.

Naomi, you're here.

You are the hottest.

Way to go awol on me.

I'm so sorry.

You know I'm always ready

to dance with you.

Come here.

Come on.

Oh, yeah, girl.

You got it.

By the way,

thanks for the retro tape.

What?

The cassette in my mailbox?

Where would I

even get a cassette?

If not you, then who?

Bruce 2? Ooh.

Hey, there.

Hey, excuse me.

My night was a total bust.

You know, it's one thing

to pull that ely crap

With someone else,

but with me, seriously?

No, he crossed the line.

You know what I think?

He's just jealous.

Of what?

Of us.

Not that he should be.

Hey.

Hey, are you okay?

Yeah.

God, you're beautiful.

Hey, do you think I could crash

here this weekend?

I just definitely don't think

I can deal

With going back to the building.

- Mmm.

- Please?

Only 'cause you're so damn cute.

So rumor has it

that you spent the weekend

Shacked up at Bruce's.

Things, like,

heating up with you guys?

You kidding me?

We barely made it to second

base, which is fine by me.

Oh, yes, just the robin

I was looking for.

Robin, my name twin.

This place is like a total maze,

And I got this philosophy paper

due maana.

Well, it's organized

alphabetically by subject.

Hey, robin, maybe since you...

you know,

You work in the library,

you could...

You could robin out

with his research.

Oh, right.

Robin, um, would you, like,

want me to help you?

Uh, yeah.

That would be sweet.

Yeah, major gratitude.

Um, so hit me up

when you get off?

- Okay.

- All right, yeah.

Get you ladies

on the flippity-floppy.

Later, brah.

Dude!

He-robin definitely wants you.

- He does?

- Sure.

He just doesn't know it yet.

First thing's first.

Just because

you work in a library

Does not mean that you have to

dress like a librarian.

When you make plans to help him,

you gotta say something like,

"it's a date,"

and then when you're together,

You gotta make

some physical contact.

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