Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List Page #4

Physical contact?

Like where?

This is fun.

Okay.

Work study is far from fun.

No, I mean, like, you and me

Doing girl talk, you know?

Never done it.

All my life, it's been all ely.

I mean throw in a Bruce

or two, but..

The girl quotient's

always been zero.

Well, I'm really glad

to be of service.

Robyn, what's sex like?

What?

You're a virgin?

No way.

Shh!

This is a library.

What about Bruce 2?

I don't know, is...

Bruce really the one?

Well, he doesn't have to be

the one to be the first one.

Do you know how much easier

my life would be

If ely noticed my looks

in the "wow,

Naomi's boner hot," way

and not in the,

"those stilettos I picked out

for Naomi are great," way?

Ely is gay.

And that's never gonna change.

I know.

Hey, Naomi.

Stranger,

what are you doing here?

Bug, where have you been

all my life?

Where have I been?

Where have you been?

We'll catch up.

Magnolia?

Can't, I have to meet

with my advisor.

Worst, but back

at the building later?

- Are you there?

- Oh, I can't.

La paella with my Spanish club.

Since when do we join things?

Since now, I guess?

So suddenly college means

we don't see each other?

Sorry. I gotta catch this.

Hey, yeah,

No, I'll be there in a sec.

I gotta go.

- See you never?

- I love you.

Meeya more.

Don't forget.

Halloween shopping.

Hey, yeah, so I'm on my way

right... Now.

You're no longer alone

and we found a space

to name our own

and there ain't no need

to fret or fuss

we've got all the strength

we need in the shape of us

in the shape of us...

There you are.

n the shape of us

- We rolling?

- Yeah.

Action.

Just know, I watched five men

trip over themselves

Checking you out

While you merely glared at them.

Your beauty,

Do you use it for good or evil?

Evil.

But don't worry, you're safe.

People make the mistake

Of letting beauty guide

attraction.

My father fell for my mother

the first time he saw her.

But he eventually tossed aside

the beauty myth

For the very real lesbian

across the hall.

Then the lesbian remembered

she was lesbian.

So dad left, and...

Mom decided to hide her beauty

underneath the bedcovers.

No sh*t.

No sh*t.

Now that I've proved to you

that I'm worthy of your trust

let us build a world

in the shape of us...

Hey, this is Naomi.

You know you want to.

Leave a message.

I cannot be the guy

who leaves three voicemails.

Let me guess, Naomi's

either late or she forgot.

Can I offer you a drink?

Um, no, I'm all right.

Good, I hear brandy

can get you into trouble.

Who's brandy?

My mother's brandy.

I didn't think you had

a mom named brandy?

I don't.

She's more Jennie.

I'm sorry,

you don't get that joke.

- That's weird, oh, my god.

- I guess.

Wait, do you keep your porn

in mint condition?

Busted

But it's a bit more

embarrassing than that.

Oh, x-men?

Yeah, I know I should have

gotten rid of those,

- Like, a long time ago.

- Are you kidding me?

Can I open it?

Yeah, go ahead.

That's cool.

Man, the x-men were, like,

pivotal heroes for me.

The other superheroes, they have

their normal alter egos,

You know, the Clark Kents

and the Bruce Waynes

- To hide behind.

- Yeah.

X-men are different.

They're always exactly

who they are.

Yeah, I mean, like,

wolverine can't shave,

Put on a tie and then go to work

at a newspaper the next day.

Yeah, exactly, cyclops

can't take off a cape

And attend fancy dinner parties.

These mutants

are full-time mutants.

Yeah,

their powers and weaknesses

- Are all out in the open.

- Yeah.

Are you a mutant?

I can roll my tongue.

- Oh, yeah.

- that's good.

Thank you.

I have a microscopic

third nipple.

- Oh, where is this we must...

- no!

Jeez.

I like you.

Don't sound so surprised.

God, I can't even imagine

what you must think of me.

Terror.

Naomi has told me

a lot of stories.

I bet.

- But...

- Oh, man.

I like you better in person.

It's funny.

I think I've always liked

Naomi's version of me best.

Maybe you're mistaken.

I shouldn't have done that.

Nope, nope. Okay.

Sorry, no, no, no, no, no,

I should not have done that.

Um...

I mean, I really

shouldn't have done that.

You shouldn't have.

I wanted to.

I did, too.

So, call me Carmen San Diego,

but I'm beginning to think

That b2 is not the man

behind my mystery mix.

Why?

What do you mean?

Well, I finally got my hands

on a tape player.

Pervy Mr. Mcallister

has one of course

Because he's still living

in a different century.

And it turns out my music man's

taste in tunes is pretty epic.

And I can only hope

it's not Bruce 1,

Which leaves only one

dark course in the running.

Who?

Gabriel

He has access,

and he's in a band.

So he knows good music.

Naomi do you really think

you should be getting

This excited over a guy,

Gabriel?

What about Bruce 2?

What's with you today?

Nothing. I'm good.

Are we still set

on Sid and Nancy?

Oh, so set.

I love us on Halloween.

You'll look for me,

I'll look for you?

- Done.

- Awesome.

Ooh.

Hey, you.

Yeah, looks great.

Try it on.

Are you snacking on stupid?

I was obviously joking.

Since when do we endorse

camel toe?

Ely what is wrong with you?

I have to tell you something.

- Are you moving out of the building?

- No, no, I...

I kissed Bruce 2.

Yeah.

I'm sure, whatever.

No, I mean, like,

I really did kiss him.

Well, I hope you enjoyed it

more than I do.

Just thinking...

You know,

You never put him

on the no-kiss list.

- So it was...

- yeah, well, I didn't put your grandma Gertie

On the list either.

Some things are just obvious.

And Bruce 2 is not exactly

your type.

Yeah, you're right.

Look it was stupid,

It was... we were just

in the moment and like...

Ely.

This is amazing.

Prepare to be jealous, people.

How much for this one?

Oh, my god.

Naomi, you picked today

of all days

To be only eight minutes late.

Trick or treat.

I was in the neighborhood.

No, you weren't.

I'm glad you weren't.

Come in.

- I'm... I'm sorry.

- For?

For coming here so late.

For wanting to see you.

It's okay.

Naomi:

Ely!

Get in the room.

Go, go, go, go!

This is the first place

she's gonna look.

Uh... Get in the closet.

I'm sorry.

Naomi:

Ely!

This door doesn't close.

Just go to the back and put

something over your face.

Ely!

Ely!

Chill, Naomi.

Where the f*** were you?

That belt...

Is offensive on you.

No, no. You're just saying that

because you wanna wear it.

But your outfit's way better

than mine, come on.

Face it, ely, tonight,

That baby's calling

this waist mama.

We share everything, right?

Are you at least ready to go?

Do you mind if Bruce comes up?

He's downstairs.

I ran into him on my way

to the laundry room.

The first, not your cheap-thrill

cheating partner.

All right, Naomi,

that's not fair.

Wait a sec.

You make out with my boyfriend,

and I'm not being fair?

You know what, I don't know

what I'm talking about, okay?

Let's just go.

All right.

I guess you're right.

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