Neptune's Daughter Page #2

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- Can you keep a secret?

- Sure.

Well, I wouldn't like this noised around,

but I've never had a girl.

- No.

- See, my mother was very strict.

- Didn't have my first date till I was 24.

- Your mother wouldn't let you go out...

...with members of the opposite sex?

- Yeah, but she wouldn't tell me...

...which ones was the opposite sex.

- I'll bet you've had plenty of girls.

- Too many.

Believe me, horses are more dependable.

Of course, one cannot

make love to a horse.

No, unless one happens

to be another horse.

Of course,

I don't have much choice myself.

You see, women don't like me,

and, well, I don't like horses, so...

Well, amigo,

maybe your approach is wrong.

Now, what is the first thing you do

when you get a woman in your arms?

Well, I give her a salt rub.

Oh, no, no, I'm talking about love.

The first thing you do is kiss her.

Oh, no, I couldn't do that.

Oh, don't tell me

you have never kissed a woman.

Well, have you ever held a woman

in your arms?

Have you ever held a woman's hand?

Well, have you ever...?

Oh, amigo, you are in bad shape,

aren't you?

- I don't know.

- But I will show you what to do.

First, you have a beautiful woman

in your arms.

You hold her tenderly.

Oh, she's gorgeous and she's all yours.

- She is?

- Oh, yes.

- Would you mind if I held her for a while?

- Of course. Here, you take her.

You know, she's heavier than I thought.

Now, you must say to her:

- Why do I have to speak Spanish?

- Because it's a language of love.

- Women can't resist it.

- They can't?

Now, hold her tight.

No, tighter. Still tighter. Tighter.

- She's kind of big.

- All right, kiss her.

No, not like a baby, like a man.

Oh, amigo, I like you.

And you have made my arm

as good as new. Well, hasta la vista.

Oh, in your language,

that means "adis, amigo."

Gee, he sure looks romantic

in that Groucho costume.

Gosh, anybody could get a girl

if he looked like that.

What a guy.

Senor O'Rourke.

Speak to me, say something.

Oh, gee, he's unconscious.

What'll I do now?

Oh, no, I gotta give him a chance

to defend himself.

Oh, Senor O'Rourke, I didn't know

you were behind that door, honest.

I wouldn't hurt a polo player for anything,

especially a South American polo player.

My name is Betty Barrett.

I hope you don't think I'm bold

for breaking in like this.

Gee, you're handsome.

Do you think I'm pretty?

You don't have to answer that now.

I live at the Savoy Apartments

and if you're ever in the neighborhood...

...you might drop in sometime. Tonight.

Oh, Senor O'Rourke!

- Is this all right, Miss Betty?

- Oh, yes, but they like it hot.

There, that's better.

Are you sure my sister's

not gonna be home this evening?

- Yes, I'm sure.

- Oh, I sure hope so.

No, I guess it'd be too obvious

if I sat on his lap.

- Will there be anything else, Miss Betty?

- I wish to be alone tonight, Matilda.

You may go.

Come in.

- Oh, Jose, what a surprise!

- I am delightful.

What a beautiful...

It's an old native custom.

Won't you sit down?

Oh, I do not understand so good

your language.

Well, sit down in your own language.

Merci, mademoiselle.

You understand Spanish good? Good.

Spanish is the beautiful language of love.

You speak it very fluently, don't you?

Tijuana.

Well, I wanna if you wanna.

My hors d'oeuvres. I prepared

some of our native dishes for you.

Oh, I am delightful.

My beautiful... Sacramento, California.

- Well, don't go away, Jose. "Babalu."

- "Tico-Tico."

Well, if Spanish does it,

this ought to do it.

I made these just for you.

Oh, I am delightful. You made...

This thing,

I've lost so much weight, you know.

I made these

with my own two little hands.

Oh, your little hands.

They are so... So... So so-so.

Gee, just like in the ads.

You are so gentle, so beautiful, so...

Tell me more.

Tell me more.

Oh, that's beautiful.

You sound so different

when you speak Spanish.

You know, that's just the way

I feel about you.

And that means I want to hold you

in my arms forever.

And now, please, turn over.

Oh, that's an old South American

expression meaning...

...let's have soft music.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Shall we dine or shall we dance?

- Well...

- Let's dance.

Oh, doesn't this music

do something to you?

Gee, members of the same lodge.

Argentina, Brazil or Nicaragua?

Oh, your friend here says

that he plays all the instruments.

How interesting.

Oh, nice. He has consented

to do a number for us.

- I hope you don't mind.

- Mind?

Oh, he'd love it.

I'll sing too. Jose, come on.

Ladies and gentlemen,

tonight we have a rare treat.

A countryman of mine from South America

is gonna do a number for us...

...accompanied

by his very charming companion here.

What would you like us to play?

Oh, yes. Go ahead.

The orchestra is yours.

Use any instrument you like.

I love those men who go:

Give me a South American drummer

And keep your butcher and your plumber

Oh, let me hear the fabulous fracas

Of the maracas

Give me the guy who strums the guitar

An ocho cuatro to the bar

I'll even take the yokel

From Buenos Aires musicians' local

Who does the vocal

Frre Jacques, Frre Jacques

Babalu! Babalu!

I love those men who go:

They've warned me time and again

But, oh, how I love those men

Those men

Those men

Excuse me.

I love those men who go:

But, oh, how I love those men

- Did I wake you?

- Fine time to get home.

Fine time before I got home.

Where have you been, with whom,

and who said you could wear my coat?

Casa Cugat, Jose O'Rourke and nobody.

Jose O'Rourke? Not one of those

South American polo players?

Not just one of the players, the captain.

I hit the jackpot.

Betty, dear, can't you get in enough trouble

here without going below the border?

Look, Betty. Now, no one wants a nice,

substantial man for you more than I do...

...but these visiting firemen

are strictly on a joy ride.

Now, believe me, honey...

...when you fall hard and they exit laughing,

it's not going to be so funny.

Oh, you've been out with them.

Certainly not.

But, Eve, he thinks I'm wonderful.

He says he's never met anybody like me.

That I believe.

- Betty, dear, you don't know this type.

- Yes, I do.

Tonight was just a buildup.

Next time, he'll show his teeth.

I love those men who go:

Betty, look, please.

Now, put down these animated beanbags

and listen to me.

I want you to promise

you won't see him again.

Nope. I got a date with him tomorrow.

I love those men who go:

Yes, I'll see that it's taken care of.

Of course. All right. All right.

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

- I received a telephone call this morning.

- Your name, please?

Jose O'Rourke.

Oh, yes, Mr. O'Rourke.

Miss Barrett's expecting you.

Miss Barrett? I don't believe

I've had the pleasure.

If you'd just be seated,

she'll be back shortly.

She's showing some buyers

through the factory.

Oh, could I join them? You see, I've never

seen a bathing suit in its natural state.

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