New Year's Eve Page #4

Because if it is, I've been jotting

down these lyrics.

They're in Spanish now,

but I can translate them.

Come, come. Come here.

No, not like that. Really. Just--

Help me convince Laura

that I made a mistake.

- When?

- It was last New Year's Eve.

What did you do to her?

Nothing. I asked her to marry me.

That's beautiful.

But then I got cold feet.

I wasn't ready for it.

That's horrible.

You were the one who proposed.

In my country when a man

gets down on one knee...

...it's because he wants to get married

or he's been shot.

Sometimes it's been because of both.

No, no. It's just that it all came at me

too fast and I wasn't ready for it.

I had to go back on the road,

and I just didn't wanna deal with it.

You should have talked to her.

That's what women like. We like to talk.

I tried. I just can't get a word in

edgewise between slaps.

Do you want to know what I think?

Well, I sure would.

Ay. Hi, Laura.

This is not what it looks like. No.

- No?

- No.

It's not my ex-boyfriend telling our

whole sad saga to my new sous-chef?

Yeah, pretty much that's what it is.

Uh-huh.

- Be strong.

- Mm.

- Hold your ground.

- Yes.

But don't look into his eyes because

they're beautiful. He has, like, a blue...

Bye.

Truce?

Truce.

Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Done.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

Take a New York taxi ride with no traffic.

Done.

Did you hear the new record?

No.

Yeah.

What'd you think?

Ugh. You know, I wanted to hate it.

I really did. But I loved it.

I thought it was great.

Except for the picture you chose

for the cover.

It was a little too much bronzer.

Well, as always, I could've used your help.

I'm a little overwhelmed and frazzled

by this job tonight...

...so I apologize for slapping you.

The second time.

I'm sorry I ran, Laura.

Oh, Daniel.

You sprinted.

I mean--

Laura, can I see you?

I gotta get back to work,

focus on tonight.

What about tomorrow?

We're going back on tour

and I'd love it if you'd come with me.

We could fix this.

Yeah, sure. I'll go pack a bag.

Meet you at the bus?

Come on.

I can't go back on tour with you.

I did your life. I have a life too.

You really don't get it, do you?

What's there to get?

I'm ready to commit.

I'm ready.

Yeah. Yeah, me too.

I'm ready to commit to what I really love:

My work.

I can't do this again with you, Daniel.

Nope. Still no reception.

So how can you have nowhere to be?

Isn't it obvious? New Year's is the worst

night to go out. It's total amateur night.

People who don't drink or go nuts all year

suddenly going all Kanye on you.

It's like a war zone.

Because they have something

to be excited about.

I have something to be excited about.

Oh, oh, oh.

Who were you gonna kiss at midnight?

Oh. And then it's one big giant letdown.

See, that's the problem with New Year's.

Everybody builds up such high expectation

that they're inevitably, utterly disappointed.

Hey, can you get through

that ceiling hatch?

I am not Spider-Man.

Clearly. Clearly.

If I just climb right through there,

get out that window.

And we're gonna be out of here.

I am gonna do it.

Lift me up. Lift me up.

I don't have all day.

- There you go.

- Oh.

It's a lock.

Oh, I have a nail file.

I'll file it with my nail file.

I'll file through it.

Ugh. You're a groupie?

Put me down.

I got hats and horns and hazarai.

I got streamers--

- Hey, Marvin. Hi. Happy New Year.

- Hey, Kim.

- Mom, can I go tell my friends?

- Sure, yeah.

Go ahead.

So Hailey and I

are having a party tonight.

Hey, wait up.

- Hey. Um...

- Hey.

I can't come.

What? Hailey, what do you mean?

Half the history class is going.

- I know. It's just my mom won't let me.

- You serious?

I know. I sound like I'm 12, I know.

All right, where's your mom? Maybe I--

- Hi. Hi, Mrs. Doyle.

- Hi.

You look lovely today.

You seem like a nice boy.

I'm just not comfortable with Hailey...

...spending tonight in Times Square

unsupervised.

Right. With all due respect...

...supervision is for kids, you know?

We're young adults.

Who are you calling?

- You're Rose Anderson's son, right?

- Yeah.

Yeah, we serve together on your

school's academic booster club.

Oh. You know, I think she left her cell

phone at home. She gonna go out tonight.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

Okay.

Happy New Year.

Yeah. Happy New Year.

You wanna say goodbye?

So?

Hailey, I tried. But she fights dirty.

Yeah, I know. Welcome to my life.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Ladies, let's go. Yo. Ladies, let's roll out!

- Yeah!

- Whoo!

What is this neighborhood? Is it safe?

Give it a chance.

"Give Paul a chance."

I don't like it here.

Maybe this is a really bad idea.

I'll just give you the tickets.

Give Paul a chance

Just give me a chance and I'll show you

What I can do.

Ingrid Withers...

...go to Bali.

It's Bali.

It's Brooklyn.

It's a spa.

Thank you.

I'm sorry. We really can't take you

this early yet.

Dr. Morriset says that you're not ready.

You'll have to come back in a few hours.

We may not have been ready,

but now she's eating anchovies...

...which the Internet claims induce labor.

If only you can keep it down.

Yeah, but it really doesn't go that fast.

- No. I can't do it. I can't do it.

- Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

I tried. I can't do it anymore.

You need a breath mint.

Hey, Risa. So we are ready

to check in now.

They're checking in?

Hey. Good to see you again.

You must be joking, because inside

I'm laughing really, really hard.

You really think you can come into this

at the last minute and steal our money?

I'm sorry, are you being serious?

You are even a bigger numbnuts

than you look.

This little fish won't save you.

You probably don't even know

that yams can kick-start labor.

Well, yeah, actually, we do.

In fact, at this moment, my wife is

full of yams, but thank you.

Crammed with yams.

Snap. It doesn't.

It stops pre-term labor.

- Did he just snap me in a maternity ward?

- Yes.

You're a really hostile guy.

Where do you work, the DMV?

No, I run a charm school.

Oh, yeah? Where's your charm school

Guantanamo?

It's on 48th and Madison,

you should come by.

Because you could really

use some charm.

- He actually works at a charm school.

- No way.

Ah. Prince of Charming.

Hello, vision in pink.

Can we check in now?

Well, actually,

the ultrasound says it's a no.

She's not ready either,

so you'll all have to come back later.

I'm sorry, James.

It's not your fault.

- I'm sorry too.

- Right.

- Also, it's on now, Prince Charming. Yeah.

- You bet.

What are you doing, honey?

Oh, it's on.

- I'm sorry?

- Oh, no.

What's on?

Oh, yeah, this?

- It's on.

- Come on. Let's go, honey.

Nobody wins when pregnant women fight.

Come on. Come on.

Something's on. Heh-heh.

I know you gave up your

own plans tonight just to be with me

I can't become your everything, Mom.

Please don't become a Piper's mom.

A what? "A Piper's mom"?

What, you mean like Joanna?

Yes, Piper's mom.

She hides in the bushes every day...

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