Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist Page #4

as you can without touching them.

- This is a very good dance, Nick.

- This is the pedal boat.

You know the blow-dryer?

- Okay.

- Doesn't work on mine.

Oh, no, it doesn't. Wow, you're soft.

I asked for the Ellen DeGeneres

haircut.

Oh, my God.

Hey. Oh, hey.

Dance-wich.

- He's pushing me. I'm not doing it.

- It's okay.

- It's not me.

- It's all him.

He's making me do it.

I'm not doing it.

It's not your fault. It's all right.

Oh, man. Oh, my God.

Hi there.

Oh, hi.

Hey, baby.

- What are you doing here?

- What am I doing here?

Looking for Fluffy.

What are you doing here?

We're looking for Caroline.

Oh, Caroline. What, can't you just

follow the umbilical cord?

- What's up?

- Hi.

Nick, this is Tal. Tal, this is Nick,

Tris' latest victim.

Oh, serious?

Well... Oh, but you're in that

gay band...

...We're Gay.

The Jerk Offs.

And we're not all gay.

Yeah. You were pretty decent.

Except for being one arm short

of a Def Leppard cover group.

All right, yeah, take care, fellas.

You guys were pretty good except...

...you were two penises short of

a Shania Twain re-imagination band.

You're done.

Prettiest shoulders, prettiest hair,

prettiest ears.

- Thanks.

- Gorgeous ears.

Here we go.

Fluffy! Fluffy! Fluffy!

Fluffy! Fluffy! Fluffy!

Yes.

Fluffy!

Okay. The hype man

knows what you want...

...but he's not sure

if you want it enough.

Do you really want it?

Do you really want it?

Do you really want it?

I said, do you really want it?

I got one question.

Are...

...You...

...Randy?

You suck.

- Damn it.

- The bait and switch.

- Randy, you suck.

- Go ahead.

So, listen, baby,

what are you doing tonight?

Aside from you being beautiful. I got

something I really want you to hear.

Look here. I need to talk to you

right now.

I got some important stuff

I need to talk to you about.

Okay, well, I'm gonna...

You have fun, okay?

I'm just gonna go find Caroline, okay?

You're just gonna call me

in 45 minutes anyways.

With a gay band.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Thanks.

Come on.

I thought we were gonna...

No, we're not, we're gonna...

Just get in the cab, Gary, come on.

Follow that van.

- So is that guy your boyfriend?

- Sort of.

He's sort of your boyfriend,

or he's your sort-of boyfriend?

He's sort of my ex-boyfriend,

most of the time.

- What is he the rest of the time?

- We're friends.

- With benefits?

- Yeah, it's just the never-ending story.

- That's like me and Tris.

- No, that ended, remember?

I mean...

Excuse me, you have a boyfriend

or an ex-boyfriend with benefits...

...but you still go around

kissing total strangers?

Trust me, that was an act

of desperation.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Seemed pretty desperate.

Oh, okay. Well, Nick,

you're not a total stranger, huh?

In fact, I am rife

with too much information.

What does that mean?

Okay, hi. I hate to break up

the love-fest back there...

...but does anyone wanna tell us

where we're going?

- I can narrow this down.

- Well, let's hear it, sister.

You know how some people like to eat

in the same places?

Yes.

Okay, Caroline likes to barf

in the same places.

Hey, we're gonna get a hot dog

around the corner.

- Oh, no. No more. No more.

- Have you seen her?

Your girlfriend puked

in the ice cream again.

Last time it took me one hour

to chip out.

Hey. Hey.

Thought you got a ride home.

- What, do you like him or something?

- Do you?

Well, I was with the guy

for six months, so...

And you cheated on him

for six months, so...

- You didn't tell him that, did you?

- No, I didn't tell him that.

Good.

- I just feel like she's messing with me.

- Who are we talking about?

Right now, Norah. No, Tris. Tris.

- You just haven't figured it out yet.

- What?

It. You know, it, the big picture.

I guess not.

The Beatles.

- What about them?

- This.

Look, other bands,

they wanna make it about sex or pain.

But, you know, the Beatles,

they had it all figured out.

"I Wanna Hold Your Hand. " That's the

first single. It's F-ing brilliant, right?

The guy actually cried. I mean, I made

guys cry before, but I really broke him.

And I'm saying this

for the both of you.

I mean, I don't wanna

see you get hurt...

...but I don't wanna see him get

any more hurt, either, you know?

What do you mean?

Word on the street is

you never had an orgasm.

Because that's what

everybody wants, Nicky.

They don't want a 24-hour

hump sesh.

They don't wanna be married to you

for a hundred years.

They just wanna hold your hand.

I'm gonna stop doing that.

Tris? So who was on the street when

you heard this "word on the street"?

Was Caroline on the street?

It's okay. I mean, some people

just can't have one.

I can have one. Okay?

I've probably had, like,

a million in my life, so...

Oh, sure, yeah.

How am I supposed to know,

you know?

Oh, you'd know.

Look, I'm just afraid that if he gets

with you and nothing happens...

...his self-esteem could really

go through the crapper, you know?

- This is Tris.

- Oh, hey, b*tch. It's Caroline.

- What? Give me the phone.

- Wait, what do you mean, kidnapped?

- Why didn't she call me?

- You're totally grounded.

- Give it to me.

- Hold on.

Where are you? We've been looking

for you everywhere.

- Norah? I found Jesus.

- What?

Jesus! He's much taller in person.

I'm at a church, I think.

- It's so churchy and beautiful.

- It's a church. Okay, which church?

- Norah, I have to follow Jesus now.

- No, Caroline...

There's an altar boy

with no pants on.

Why do you have no pants on,

altar boy?

Great. I have to find Jesus now.

- Nor?

- Yeah?

- My phone.

- Here.

- Hey.

- Hey.

You all right?

Is she okay?

Yeah.

I got a clue, guys.

- Are we done?

- One last stop.

A Yugo. We're looking for a Yugo.

- She said a church.

- All right, let me check it out.

What's wrong?

Tris is what's wrong.

Tris? Please. That girl's got nothing

on you. I mean, for one, she's awful.

Awful.

- Yeah. And for two, you're amazing.

- Amazing.

Yeah, well.

- Hey.

- Sorry, sorry.

- I'm sleeping here.

- You trying to take my BLT?

- It's cool, Switzerland. I got this.

- Hey.

- What's up, friend? How you doing?

- Good. I was just gonna go in...

- You walked right in here.

- I didn't mean to.

You're like a little canary

in skinny jeans.

I was gonna go in

to look for my friend.

You got friends right here. Me and

Switzerland are here for you, baby.

Let me ask you a question.

You ever hook up with a dog?

No. What? Like an an...

A dog, like a pet? No.

Don't. It's not worth it.

I like you so much.

- I'm running away. I'm running.

- Run away. Run away, little canary.

Okay. Okay.

What exactly did she say to you?

Something about an altar boy

with no pants.

I don't know

what she was talking about.

Midnight Ass. The all-male

"holigay" revue at Camera Obscura.

"Deck the Balls," "O Horny Night. "

You guys never went to that?

A Christmas show

at this time of year?

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