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Ninotchka Page #22
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 1939
- 110 min
- 662 Views
LEON:
Just smile.
NINOTCHKA:
At what?
LEON:
At anything. At the whole ludicrous
spectacle of life. At people being
pompous and taking themselves
seriously and exaggerating their own
importance. If you can't find anything
else to laugh at you can laugh at
you and me.
NINOTCHKA:
Why?
LEON:
Because we are an odd couple.
NINOTCHKA:
Then you should go back to your table.
LEON:
No, I can't leave you. I won't. Not
yet. Not until I've made you laugh...
at least once.
To get rid of him Ninotchka emits a joyless sound which
approximates a laugh.
NINOTCHKA:
Ha! Ha! Now go back.
LEON:
That's not a laugh! I mean a laugh
from the heart. Now let's see. I'm
going to tell you a funny story.
Just a moment... I've got it! Well,
it seems there were a couple of
Frenchmen who went to America...
NINOTCHKA:
On which boat?
LEON:
(thrown off by her
methodical thinking)
Well, er... let's drop it. I don't
think you would care for that one.
NINOTCHKA:
Probably not.
LEON:
Do you like Scotch stories?
NINOTCHKA:
LEON:
Two Scotchmen met on the street...
and I don't know the name of the
street and it really doesn't matter.
Well, anyway, one's name was McIntosh
and the other's was McGillicuddy.
McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, "Hello,
Mr. McGillicuddy," and McGillicuddy
says to McIntosh, "Hello, Mr.
McIntosh," and then McIntosh says to
McGillicuddy, "How is Mrs.
McGillicuddy?" and then McGillicuddy
says to McIntosh, "How is Mrs.
McIntosh?"...
NINOTCHKA:
I wish they had never met.
LEON:
(disarmed)
So do I.
(after a little pause)
Now, here's a great one... Ha! Ha!
Ha!
(he looks at Ninotchka
and her expression
stops him)
Well, maybe it's not so good. Let's
forget it! How's this? Two men are
looking at the moon. One says to the
other, "Is it true that a lot of
people live on the moon?" "Yes, it
is," says the other, "five hundred
million." "Whew!" replies the first,
"they must get pretty crowded when
it's half moon!" Ha! Ha! Ha!
There is no response from Ninotchka.
LEON:
(starting to get sore)
I suppose you don't think that's
funny?
NINOTCHKA:
No.
LEON:
It seemed funny to me when I first
heard it. Maybe the trouble isn't
with the joke. Maybe it's with you!
NINOTCHKA:
I don't think so.
LEON:
Maybe you haven't any sense of humor.
Well, I'll give you one more chance!
Now listen!
He gets up and speaks in a threatening voice audible to the
entire room.
LEON:
When I heard this joke for the first
time I laughed myself sick. Here
goes! A man comes into a restaurant
and sits down and says, "Waiter! Get
me a cup of coffee without cream."
After five minutes the waiter comes
back and says, "I'm sorry, sir, we're
all out of cream, can it be without
milk?"
They have overheard the story and all burst into laughter.
NINOTCHKA AND LEON
Ninotchka continues to eat her soup without a shadow of a
laugh.
LEON:
(furious)
Not funny, huh?
NINOTCHKA:
No.
LEON:
So you don't think that's funny? It
is funny! Everyone else thinks so!
Maybe you didn't get it.
He sits down again.
LEON:
(threateningly)
I'll tell you that joke again. A man
comes into a restaurant. Did you get
that?
NINOTCHKA:
Yes.
LEON:
He sits down at the table and says
to the waiter... Did you get that
too?
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"Ninotchka" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 31 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ninotchka_402>.
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