O. Henry's Full House Page #3

- Fine, fine.

- Guess who! Go ahead! Guess.

Guess who. Guess who.

- I don't have to guess.

- Hello, Johnny.

The big man,

Barney Woods.

I bet you'd have known me

anywhere by that trick, huh?

I'd have known you

anywhere.

Give him a big drink. We're old pals

from back in Erie, P.A.

- Long time ago, huh, Barney?

- Yeah.

He ordered a beer.

- He just finished it.

- Now get him a real drink.

- Yes, sir.

Clam head! Oughta give him

a mouthful of knuckles.

What about the old bunch back at

the hotel? See Gimp Charlie much?

Oh, I lost track years ago.

I've been living here for a long time.

No foolin'!

Wish I did.

I'm just passing through.

Going to Chicago tonight.

Hey, uh, whatever happened to, uh, uh, Hazel-

Hazel? Was that her name?

- Yeah. I married her.

- No foolin'!

Bet you got a ton of kids by now, huh?

Oh, that was some place

around the Star-Union Hotel.

Remember

SoreJaw Weber, huh?

And the singin'!

We must have did a hundred songs.

- Hey, you.

- Yeah?

- You know "Sweet Genevieve"?

- A little.

A little! Clam head! That's one of

the best songs there was!

Don't forget

the "Camptown Races."

The best. The best! The best!

The absolute best!

- You know that one?

- Yeah.

Yeah. Him and me won a prize doing that one.

Quartet out at the picnic grounds.

Go ahead.

Start it up.

Go on! Open your throat!

Start! Sing, will you?

Come on! Sing!

Ah, that's good, huh? Wish we had the Doc

and Jonesy for balance though.

Come on, ya monkey!

Clap! That was good.

Clap!

Okay.

How 'bout "Heart of My Heart"?

Oh, I don't know, Johnny. Why don't we go

somewhere where we can talk?

Sure, sure.

The old times, huh?

Come on upstairs.

I got a jug.

We'll belt a few, have the old times

all over again, huh?

I doubt it. We had 'em once.

We can belt a few anyway.

Sure.

Look at you.

What are you doing here?

Get out! Get out.

Go to your room!

We wanna talk!

Can I stay and talk

too, Johnny?

Move, or I'll knock some

of that fat off of you!

What a nerve, huh?

- What do you want?

- The kitten. I've got to have something to do.

Yeah, kitten!

Here. Now, get out!

Now, where's the food, huh?

Ah, here it is.

For a man that's just passing through,

you've got all the comforts of home.

I always manage

to keep a jug handy.

I'll get this glass

cleaned up a little bit.

Well, bring me

up to date.

You still doing

hotel work?

No, Johnny.

Police work.

Detective,

16th Precinct.

Well, what do you know?

Honor bright.

Well, you got

the right trainin'.

I still remember

Barney Woods...

best speller

in the third grade.

What about you, Johnny?

Still as restless as ever?

I manage to live.

We can't all be good spellers.

Here.

I'll trade you.

It's yours.

Mine's at home.

That was a good quartet, huh?

First prize we ever got-

four gold pencils.

- Wonder what happened to Doc's.

- I don't know.

But yours was on the floor

of the Norcross house.

- Pack your linen, Johnny.

Wait a minute, friend.

- I can still take you.

Now, get up.

Get out of that coat.

Throw it over here.

I always was born

a few minutes ahead of you, Barney.

Where'd you get

all this steam?

I knew you had a little trouble upstate,

a little bank work-

- But murder?

- Ring off! Ring off. Ring off.

Don't get sentimental about

some old guy neither of us ever met.

Gun or no gun, Johnny,

I'm gonna have to take you in.

Why? Why, huh?

You're the only one who could connect me

with that pencil.

That's right.

Then let's pretend

this is one you never heard about.

Sorry.

You ain't gonna take me in.

- Why?

- If you were me, you'd take me in.

But you ain't.

You're honor bright.

You're dumb

Barney Woods.

You've got a debt

to square.

Don't count on something

that happened that long ago.

It'll never be long ago

for you, Barney. Don't kid me.

It'll always be right now.

The backroom

of the Star-Union Hotel.

The hour and the night...

and the pail ofbeer

that caused it.

lt's in your eyes

right now-

- the trouble you were in.

You couldn't afford

to lose money you didn't have.

You were on probation.

You'd been a bad boy,

but people were willin'to forget about it.

After all,

it was just a slip.

But you couldn't

stand another one.

That state pen down at Harrisburg

was a little too close.

One more slip'd

get you a train ticket...

and a nice

new suit of clothes.

- Well, you made it that night.

You wrote out a check

for a thousand dollars you didn't have.

all the trouble you needed.

That's the size of it, Barney.

You were on your way up.

A loser.

And don't kid yourself.

You'd have stayed a loser.

'Cause once they make you

walk up an alley...

you'd never use

a front door again.

So I bailed you out.

You stammered and said you didn't know

when you could pay it back.

You stammered and said you didn't know

when you could pay it back.

l said, "I'll wait."

So I'm waitin'.

And now

l want my thousand.

That's what I said, pal:

"There'll come a day."

And here it is.

How 'bout that drink now, huh?

Come on. Come on.

You can afford it.

I'm buying.

Oh, you don't drink

on duty, huh?

Copper.

Look at ya.

Look at that suit,

those shoes.

You couldn't pay back

10% of it.

- What do you make, 40 a month?

- A little more than that.

You were a cop

from the start.

- You've always had your hat in your hand.

- Is that all?

It is if you can't pay up.

Maybe some other time.

If you had any belly,

you'd take me in right now.

But that little favor out in the past

sticks in your craw.

It's there to remind you

what a naughty boy you were.

If you ever get in the way of some money,

look me up, huh?

Well, well, well!

Look who's here.

The big man.

Sit down.

Let me buy you a drink.

Hello, Johnny.

I never knew of a good thief

that'd touch liquor.

- Makes you bigmouthed.

- This is a special occasion. Very special.

I'm catching the night train

for Chicago.

Did you follow me here?

No.

I've got part of the money,

Johnny- nearly $300.

- I want you to take it.

- Stop kidding. Stop kidding.

A debt's a debt.

If you give somebody a hand,

you don't give them your little finger.

You give them

your whole hand.

It's a thousand

or nothing.

Look, how long do you think

you can get away with this sort of thing?

Take a tip from me.

Give yourself up.

Put in a plea.

Go light.

I'm light now. I'm light.

Can't you see?

You're the only one

could put a hand on me.

No, you're all wrong.

Police files

are never dead, Johnny.

- Some cop somewhere, he'll get a line on you.

- Nah!

Could be anybody anywhere.

Could- Could be somebody like that?

- Yeah, they could put a finger on you.

- Who's that?

It's Dave Bascom.

He's the city editor

of The Clarion-Call.

Newsboys!

Bunch of clam heads, all of them!

They got nothin' on me.

Hey.

You a city editor?

I work on a paper.

Big bunch of crime solvers, ain't ya?

What about the Norcross murder?

What have you done?

- We've got a man working on it.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes