O. Henry's Full House Page #4

- Sure, sure!

Big crime stoppers.

What's he done, huh? What's he done?

Did he check with a cab driver down

at 34th and Fifth? No, he didn't check.

Did he check with a lady across the street

who saw a man go in the house? No!

Clam head didn't

do nothin' right. Nothin'!

Nothin'.

- Is that all?

- Ain't that enough?

Big crime reporters.

Couldn't find a hangnail

if they told you what hand it was on.

Clam head.

That was a mistake. He's one of

the best heads on Herald Square.

Oh, you don't think

that meant anything, do you?

The cabbie and the lady

across the street?

I went in the back way.

I just wanted to show

he was a clam head. That's all.

I'm afraid you're

too smart for us, Johnny.

I'm sick of looking

at you, Barney.

Go somewhere.

- Good luck, John.

- You don't mean that, pal.

No, you're wrong.

I wouldn't wish you bad luck.

You'll have enough of that.

Hmm!

Hmm.

- What's your name?

- Frank.

- Where do you live?

- 221 East Fifth Street.

- I thought I told you to take a breather.

- You did, sir.

But I was in the neighborhood. Besides, I've got

something I want to talk to you about.

- It's personal.

- Sure. I'll be with you in a minute.

in the last two weeks you've-

All right, Barney.

What can I do for you?

Barney?

It's getting

steadily worse.

We've now hit

rock bottom.

Hoodlums, vandals,

criminals of every stripe...

have turned our police power

into a laughingstock.

- It's become a huge public joke.

Mr. Bascom. There's a man here

from the police department.

- Says he wants to see you. He says it's urgent.

- Send him in.

Hello, Barney.

Westbound Limited.

- Chicago, Omaha, Denver-

- Here you go, tar bucket.

Los Angeles,

San Francisco.

I've got something

for you.

Where'd you get it?

Where'd a cop like you pick up

a thousand dollars in clean hundreds?

Never mind where I got it.

Just count it.

I trust you, Barney.

I trust you.

The important thing is,

where does this leave us?

We're all square.

Fair enough. Fair enough.

Fair enough, huh?

So we start from scratch.

- Go ahead. Take me in.

- Just so we'll end even, good luck, Barney.

Save your strength.

You got a broken

firing pin.

Up in that hotel room.

You don't think I'd

give you a healthy gun?

Give me that.

Get over here.

Get out.

Step over it,

you clam head.

O. Henry was born

in North Carolina.

He moved to Texas

when he was 20.

He bummed all over the Southwest,

the Gulf ports...

even the banana republics

of Central America.

He was 40 when he reached New York,

and he loved the city.

Called it

"Baghdad on the Subway."

New York gave him

a new Arabian Nights.

Look at this one

he called "The Last Leaf."

The setting?

Greenwich Village.

The time? Winter.

The condition?

A blizzard.

This was the village

oflow rents and high art...

where poverty and ambition

held hands.

But also life went on...

and death went on...

and love went on.

And sometimes

love stopped.

Whoa! Whoa!

Joanna. It's about time

you got back.

Your sister got so wild,

she almost called up the police.

Susan! Susan!

Jo!

Well, how is she,

Doctor?

Pneumonia.

I'll look by

in the morning.

Thank you, Doctor.

- Will she be all right?

- Oh, she's young.

No reason why she

shouldn't pull through.

Good day.

Pneumonia.

And all because

of that actor.

- I warned her against him hundred times.

- Shh.

- I know men like him like I know colors.

- Mr. Behrman.

Ah! Would she listen to me,

to the man who knows everything...

who has been everyplace

and seen everything?

- Mr. Behrman, please.

- Oh, yes, I know what you

and your sister think of me.

Just an old goat who lives upstairs and makes

a lot of noise on the ceiling.

- Mr. Behrman, will you please be quiet?

- What is the matter with you?

Why are you so excited?

You heard what the doctor said.

She's young. She will pull through well.

She'll be all right.

It'll be a good lesson

for her.

Now, you stay here,

and I'll take care of this.

- I was going to the art dealer anyway.

- Thank you.

Mr. Behrman-

Tell the druggist to charge it.

Yeah. Actors. I hate actors

more than I hate poison!

The doctor says

it's nothing.

Just a couple

of days rest.

Of course, he thinks you ought to be spanked

for going out in such weather.

Sue. I'm so ashamed.

Why should you be?

Oh, sure,

your pride's hurt now.

Six months from now you'll be laughing

about it if you even remember.

Now close your eyes

and go to sleep.

I can't.

Nonsense.

Of course you can.

You don't understand.

L-

I haven't told you

everything...

about Sheldon and me,

l mean.

You don't have to.

I think I've known

for a long time.

What you must

think of me.

L- I feel like-

Look, baby, it isn't the end

of the world...

because-well,

you made a mistake.

What we both need

is a change of scene.

Oh.

I'll pick it up

in five minutes.

- Behrman, not again.

- Now, look here, Boris.

You can take my word...

of a man who is

independently poor.

I've done exactly everything

the way you told me.

I bought an apple, I bought a pear,

and I bought a banana.

And I put it all in a bowl

and I started to paint.

Just like you told me.

Look.

Another Behrman.

Ai, yi, yi, yi, yi, yil

Behrman. Maybe you are

ahead of your time.

Maybe in 1950 they will recognize it

for what it is-

Whatever it is.

But my customers only like paintings

they can recognize.

All arts must communicate.

And yours doesn't say anything

to anybody who comes in here.

Look here, Boris. What you've got on your walls,

a camera can do much better.

- I know, I know.

- No comparison!

For once, why don't you paint something that

people can see what they're looking at?

- You can do me a great favor-

don't tell me what to paint.

- Behrman, please.

We are old friends, huh?

Try again.

Go back and paint

an apple...

a banana and a pear.

- I can't!

- Why not?

I ate them.

Look here. Would you

buy this Behrman...

if I give you my sacred word of honor

that I will try again?

All right.

Three dollars.

Three dollars for a Behrman?

You always pay me five.

Business is bad.

Well, then you cannot afford it

even for three dollars.

I'd rather starve until 1950,

if necessary.

Three dollars for a Behrman!

Who does he think I am?

Well, it's all ready.

That'll be two dollars.

- All right. Charge it to Miss Goodwin.

- Miss Goodwin.

Sorry, sir.

No more credit.

What are you talking about? The girl is sick,

and you're talking about credit?

I only work here.

I've got my orders.

All right. Wrap it up.

I'll be back in a minute.

I am coming into

a small inheritance.

I've treated a great many patients,

Miss Goodwin.

Some accomplish miracles...

because their will to live

is the best medicine they could find.

There's also

a will to die.

I could save your sister

if she wanted me to...

but she doesn't.

Whatever the reason,

she isn't helping me.

You must be wrong, Doctor.

She has so much to live for.

Mmm. If you can convince her of that,

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