Ocean's Twelve Page #3

- "Kashmir"?

- Is that your idea of a contribution?

- We hadn't even started yet.

- We were this close to losing that.

Okay, I don't even understand what

happened in there. What did I say?

- You called his niece a whore.

- A cheap one.

- She's 7.

- Confined to bed with a case of...

- No, don't tell him about it.

- I'm sorry.

Okay. So, what does this mean?

It means you stay here.

The mark's name is van der Woude.

A semi-known, wealthy recluse.

He claims to sell antiques,

but hasn't actually sold one.

His store is his privately owned home,

which no one ever enters.

But don't let van der Woude's

eccentricity fool you.

The house is extremely well-protected.

- What are we after?

- It's a document.

It's a very old, very valuable document.

- Yeah, what is it?

- A stock certificate.

The first one ever issued

from the first corporation on the planet.

Dutch East India Trading Company.

- The only one of its kind.

- What's the take?

2.5 million euro.

Wait. Each?

- No.

- Who negotiated this?

- That's a lot of money to a lot of people.

- Are you out of your mind?

If we do one job a week at that rate,

we won't pay Benedict off until...

- September 2005.

- Jesus Christ, Danny.

I hear you, but it's what's available.

After we pull this job off...

...Matsui's gonna throw us another.

It's gonna pay 10 times this one.

- Which buys an extension from Benedict.

- You hope.

I hope. Now, the good news is that

Matsui gave us the system's master code.

- So, what are we waiting for?

- Van der Woude.

- That's the bad news.

- He never leaves.

- He's agoraphobic.

- He's never been out of his house?

- Not in 10 years since he moved in.

- Does he believe in fresh air?

- He opens his window.

- What does that mean?

- Best time of arrival.

- Means he opens his window.

Every night at 1:30 he takes an Ambien,

puts on Beethoven's Third.

By the fourth movement, he's out

like a light. So we go in at 3 a.m.

Okay, can we tap into the system

from the phone lines?

It's a closed-Ioop system with two servers

locked in titanium cases next to his bed.

- So hacking in is out.

- Look at this.

Telephone-repair truck,

basket up to the second floor.

Telescoping rod through the window,

tap out the freak's code.

- Dumb idea. One lane, one-way streets.

- Dumb idea.

All right? Any stoppage

will bring cops.

The outside is covered

by five surveillance cameras.

Monitored 24 hours a day

by a security company.

He's got five exterior cameras?

- This guy is a freak.

- Super freak.

What about through the roof?

- Two more cameras, pressure sensors...

- A laser net over the trap door...

- Smoke the freak out.

- Yeah.

- Smoke the freak out.

- Hey!

- What?

- Do we have to use that term?

- What term?

- "Freak."

The National Institute of Mental Health

estimates 5.6 percent of adults...

...develop "agraphoriaphobia."

- Agoraphobia.

Whatever. I'm just saying,

I mean, do we...?

We don't need to be an

organization that labels people.

Oh, now we're an organization?

You'd call Emily Dickinson a freak?

- Are you hosting a telethon?

- Who's Emily Dickinson?

Am I the only one who feels funny

about stealing from a...?

You know, a handicapped guy?

- Well, I don't care.

- Hell, yeah.

I feel funny about other things.

Cool.

But...

- Yeah?

- But...

- Right.

- What?

- Ahab with a piggyback. Livingston?

- I can get anything.

- It's done.

- Ahab with what?

- Boys.

- You're making that up. That's...

That whole "Ahab with

a piggyback," that's not real?

- Let me in.

- How do you think it feels...

...when someone bangs on the door?

- I gotta go to the toilet.

Otherwise, I'm gonna sh*t on your feet.

Come on.

Show me them specs.

I've been doing this since I'm 12

years old. You're micromanaging.

You gotta find people you can delegate

to. Otherwise, you'll never have a life.

I don't want a life. I want the hotel

to run like a hotel should.

Reuben.

Yeah.

Great.

- Okay. Good.

- Maybe.

Fantastic.

Remember in Miller's Crossing

where Turturro begs for his life?

Sure. "Look into your heart."

I cry every time.

What?

We have no line of sight.

Our only possibility, the window.

We're three inches too high.

There's no clear shot, even with Basher.

In the physical universe we occupy,

it cannot be done.

What about the guy

from the Bulgari job?

- Nagel. Spoke with him.

- Anything?

Lot of ideas, none of them any good.

He's pushing this new

holographic technology.

Really interesting stuff, though.

He can reproduce anything 3-D.

How about 97 million?

We're forcing it.

Yeah, we're forcing it.

- You know what we haven't thought of?

- What?

We turn ourselves in.

- What could Benedict do to us then?

- There you go.

Call the cops,

tell them we did the Bellagio job.

They put us away for 20 years.

That'd teach him.

I think Tess would stick around.

You look great in jumpsuits.

Hey...

...how's the hotel business?

- Sucks.

- How's East Haven?

- Sucks.

I don't know.

Can't turn my brain off, you know.

It's me.

We go into some place, and all I can

do is see the angles.

It's what I do. It's what I've always done.

I love it.

I don't know.

Some sort of weird irony, you know?

Tess watching me scratch and itch.

Hey, listen. You know, the world's

gone nuts and you're...

- What'd you wanna do?

- It's not attached...

...to the adjacent buildings.

- The whole house?

- We're just raising it slightly.

Schumann did it in '64 in Venice

and '73 in Istanbul.

- He only had a crew of six.

- We can't tilt a house.

- Did it with the Leaning Tower of Pizza.

- Exactly, thank you.

- It took 300 men over two years to do it.

- There's 30 pylons.

We cut them, insert the jacks

and crank away.

It's really our best plan,

considering it's our only plan.

- Crank for how long?

- Like I said, it's our only plan.

What?

Oh, oh, okay, hold on.

Try that.

Number five. I'm a go.

Master thieves who practice the long con

live separate lives as civilians.

They have legitimate jobs and families...

...which make them extremely

difficult to catch.

The greatest thief of all time was,

without question...

...Gaspar LeMarc, who either died

in Portugal in 1988...

...or in Hong Kong in 1996,

or he's still alive.

We may never know for certain

because LeMarc...

...was never captured or photographed...

...despite being active for over 50 years.

Though he left behind a slew

of imitators...

...only one is worth mentioning

in the same breath as LeMarc:

The thief we know only

as the Night Fox.

So named for the small onyx figurines

he leaves behind to taunt us...

...the Night Fox must be considered

our number-one priority.

His string of high-profile crimes are

an embarrassment to our branch...

...to our entire profession.

We need more than traditional resources

to pursue thieves like the Night Fox.

We need to train ourselves to think the

way they think, to see what they see.

And we should not allow ourselves

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