On Her Majesty's Secret Service Page #3

and Sir Hilary Bray

has replied to Gumbold

suggesting that he should meet

de Bleuchamp in person.

I've taken the liberty, sir,

of working with the college on this,

using an examination

of my own family tree as cover.

I've also been reading up

on the technical side of heraldry.

Sir Hilary Bray, please. Commander Bond.

Ah, yes, sir.

So that, should he consent to meet, I can

act as a representative of the college.

Come.

- Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon, Sir Hilary.

Have a look at this: Arms of Sir Thomas

Bond. Baronet of Peckham. Died 1734.

Argent on a chevron sable.

Three bezants.

Good motto, eh?

"The world is not enough."

- You're doing a splendid job.

- Thank you, Mr Sable Basilisk.

We've traced your line

back to Sir Otho le Bon.

Held the manor of Wickhambreux by a

knight's fee from the Earl of Thanet, 1387.

We're in luck.

Gumbold's telephoned from Bern

to say his client has consented to see me.

- You mean me?

- Yes, you.

But, Commander Bond, I am only able

to countenance this deception

if the matter is of national importance.

I haven't exaggerated.

We appreciate your help.

All right, then. I've arranged to lose myself

amongst the churches of Brittany.

I want to do brass rubbings there anyway.

- Where do I go for this meeting?

- Well, they want a description of myself.

- Tactfully adjusted to favour me.

- Yes.

They will send the time and place

from where I am to be

"collected", as they put it.

It's not our sort of thing,

but under the circumstances...

- Sounds as if they're suspicious.

- No, no, no, not suspicious. Just discreet.

There was no objection to my fee

of a thousand guineas.

- Could their claim be genuine?

- Hard to say. Our methods are exacting.

We never speak until we're absolutely

certain there's no error on our side or

- forgery on anybody else's.

- I hope I live up to your high standards.

One helpful physical point may be that the

real de Bleuchamps are without ear lobes.

It's not the sort of thing we rely on,

but it could help.

- No ear lobes.

- Invite him to Augsburg.

The de Bleuchamps have been

coming from there for generations.

Yes, I'd like to get him

away from Switzerland.

- Sir Hilary Bray, Baronet?

- The same, dear lady.

I'm Frulein Irma Bunt,

personal secretary to the Count.

- Have you had a good journey?

- No, intolerable. I'm not a good traveller.

I'm sorry.

- Grunther will take your luggage.

- I can manage.

- I take it.

- Oh, very well.

You know Switzerland?

- I'm afraid not, Frulein...

- Bunt.

Bunt. Interesting name for a genealogist.

Are you from a naval family?

Naval?

It's a nautical term, you see, meaning

the baggy or swollen parts of a sail.

- Nothing personal, of course.

- Interesting.

- You speak German?

- I'm afraid not.

- French?

- A little. Where are we off to?

You will not be disappointed. Please?

Like the bugs in the rug, yes?

- You are comfortable?

- Yes, indeed, Frulein.

- Your kindness is quite overwhelming.

- Good.

Hup! Komm!

Komm. Komm. Hop!

So, we are halfway.

Now we will have a little flight.

- I've never been in one of these before.

- You must your pipe knock off.

Knock out, you mean?

I hope.

- Mind your head, Sir Hilary.

- Please fasten your safety belt.

Now up into the Alps.

That is avalanche damage.

You enjoy the skiing

or the bobsleigh perhaps?

I'm not a sporting man, Frulein.

Even when I'm at my best.

Do you feel the airsickness?

Up to there is for the public, and

from here upwards it is strictly private.

No one, no one at all

may come through

without permission from the Count.

There is the Bleuchamp Institute

for allergy research.

- What kind of allergies?

- All of them.

Like the hay fever,

or the sickness caused by the oysters,

or inability to eat meat.

The Count is a specialist in this field.

- I'll be glad to get my feet on the ground.

- Not ground. Ice.

Frulein, I should warn you,

guns make me very nervous.

They're to keep away the spies

from the chemical companies.

Many times already

they have tried to steal our discoveries.

Yes, we live in a world

of avarice and deceit.

- Here, at least, there's no avarice.

- Really?

The Bleuchamp Institute

is not for profit, Sir Hilary.

The Count does his work

for the sake of mankind.

Mm, I'm very happy to hear it.

He wants to leave his mark

on the entire world.

- Characteristic ambition.

- Characteristic?

- Of a true humanitarian.

- Ah!

Formerly it was a sports club,

open to the public.

Now it belongs to the Count,

who has given it to scientific research.

Josef, Sir Hilary Bray

will take number four.

I will show you there after Grunther

has taken you for a medical examination.

- I'm quite all right now.

- You are our honoured guest, Sir Hilary.

And after your experience

in the helicopter,

we must make sure

that you are well again.

- Grunther, take Sir Hilary to Dr von Sant.

- Ja, Frulein.

Direktor, bitte.

- Yes?

- Der Englnder ist gekommen.

- Provide him with the usual comforts.

- Ja.

You have ten minutes.

- And then take them to number four.

- Ja.

If you wish anything for your comfort,

you must ring this.

- And the attendant will come.

- Very considerate. Thank you.

You must also ring for him

to open the door

- when you wish to leave.

- A complicated arrangement.

To stop patients leaving their rooms

and disturbing each other

when they should be resting.

The Count believes very strongly

in undisturbed rest.

Prudent fellow. When can I see him?

We have a lot to discuss.

He will send for you, Sir Hilary,

when he's ready.

Meanwhile, I should like you to join me

in the Alpine room before dinner.

- Alpine room?

- Yes.

Grunther will come for you.

Shall we say seven?

Thank you.

Frulein Bunt will receive you.

Tomato juice with lots of lemon.

Hm-hm!

Ah, Sir Hilary!

Please, come to meet our patients.

Ladies, this is Sir Hilary Bray, Baronet.

- How do you do?

- He's a famous genealogist.

- You will have a drink, yes?

- Please, come and sit down.

How do you do?

Thank you.

- What is a baronet?

- It's a kind of inferior baron.

- Oh, how disappointing.

- Well, er...

Oh, I don't mean you're inferior,

I mean the title is.

Yes, but what's a gynae... genealogist?

What is that?

- Pommy word for an old people's doctor.

- Ah! So he's here to cure Frulein Bunt.

Watch out. She has ears like an elephant.

- What will you drink, sir?

- Malt whisky and branch water, please.

I'm sorry I was so rude

about what a baronet is.

You gave a very accurate description.

- Sir.

- Thank you.

It's a treat having a man here for once.

- Er, you mean there aren't any others?

- Only the staff, and you can't count them.

We will not discuss affairs of the clinic.

But what is a genealogist?

Will nobody tell me?

- It would be a pleasure to tell you.

- Well?

Genealogy is all about

ancestors and families.

I mean, it could easily be

that any one of you here

is related to a royal house.

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