On Her Majesty's Secret Service Page #5

Coming here like this

was an inspiration, and so are you.

Mmm!

- You'll need to be.

- What you say?

I said a miracle our meeting like this.

I don't even know your name.

I tell you all about myself later.

In the morning.

Hey!

What about a lift to the top?

It is not permitted. All is private.

Surely there's a restaurant, a sports club

up there. I've seen them advertised.

- It's all closed down.

- Since when? I've seen them advertised.

You are mistaken, sir.

For many weeks now they are finished.

I'd still like to get to the top.

From here upwards now is forbidden!

Private! Closed!

All right.

Hey!

It's my go now.

Let go!

- Sir Hilary!

- Good morning.

Good morning, Sir Hilary.

Your stiffness of last night, it is all gone?

- For the time being.

- Then come and do curling with us.

- Won't it be frightfully energetic?

- No.

- We will show you.

- You can teach me.

Come on, Sir Hilary.

We expect great things of you.

- We're leaving very soon. I must see you.

- Eight o'clock tonight.

And the man was alone?

- Ah! Good morning, ladies.

- Morning!

Good morning, Sir Hilary,

and how's your research?

Riveting. And very promising too.

I've never heard

anything so ridiculous.

Since when is climbing

a criminal offence?

- Excuse me. Piz Gloria's private property.

- The whole bloody Alp?! Ridiculous!

There are many signs,

and my servant warned you at the station.

Your throw, I think it is.

No, Frulein! I had my throw.

Made a mess of it, I'm afraid.

That didn't count. You can throw again.

- Yes! Go on!

- Very civil of you.

That doesn't entitle you to shoot at me.

- Who the hell are you, anyway?

- I am the director of this institute.

Oh!

You'll be sent down by cable car

and you will not trouble us again.

What about my clobber? My belongings?

- They'll be sent down later.

- But they're mine!

We have certain rules

which must be observed.

- The authorities'll hear about this.

- Good day, sir.

- Director, or Count, as I think I can say.

- Yes?

I'd like the afternoon off,

so if the cable car's going down...

But you've already had the morning off.

I must have some fresh air.

Your ancestors are very hard work.

And the College of Arms

is being very well paid.

- Well, if you put it like that...

- I do put it like that.

Let me show you what I've achieved,

then we can go to Augsburg.

Not over Christmas.

The archives will be closed, no?

Come, girls. Time for our massage.

Girls, that is

enough curling for today.

- I must see you tonight.

- Nine o'clock?

Ten?

Well, back to work.

You've no idea how it's piling up.

Ruby? It's me.

Hilly.

Hilly's so sad that Ruby's leaving.

Has that old cow told you...

Fancy meeting you here, Frulein!

Merry Christmas, 007.

- I'm Sir Hilary Bray.

- Oh, no, no, no, Mr Bond.

Respectable baronets from colleges

do not seduce female patients in clinics.

On the other hand, they do get

their professional details right.

The Bleuchamp tombs

are not in the Augsburg Cathedral,

but in the St Anna Kirche.

Sir Hilary Bray would have known.

A small slip.

Takes more than a few props

to turn 007 into a herald.

It'll take more than cutting off

your ear lobes to turn you into a count.

I may yet surprise you, but I'm afraid

that you have no surprises left for me.

I know all about your mission, Mr Bond.

Your colleague:

Such a keen climber, such a brilliant

conversationalist. Before he left us.

- He reported where I am.

- I doubt that.

In any case,

no one's coming to your rescue.

In a few hours, the United Nations

will receive our yuletide greetings.

The information that I now possess

the scientific means to control,

or to destroy, the economy

of the whole world.

People will have more important things

to think of than you.

If they believe your threat.

Oh, they will. In any case,

I have prepared a demonstration.

Remember that disagreeable outbreak

of foot-and-mouth disease

in England last summer?

I shall instruct them, in very convincing

terms, exactly how I arranged that.

And my capacity has improved since.

Allergy vaccines?

Bacteria.

- Bacteriological warfare.

- With a difference.

Our great breakthrough

since last summer

has been the confection

of a certain virus omega.

- Infertility.

- Total infertility. In plants and animals.

Not just disease in a few herds, Mr Bond,

or the loss of a single crop.

But the destruction of a whole strain

for ever, throughout an entire continent.

If my demands are not met,

I'll proceed with the extinction

of whole species of cereals

and livestock all over the world.

Including, I suppose, the human race.

I don't think, do you, Mr Bond,

the UN will let it come to that.

Not after their scientists analyse a sample

of virus omega they have received.

Epidemics of sterility.

Nothing is born.

No seed even begins to sprout.

- They'll find an antidote.

- Of course!

If I give them enough time.

They'll have time. Once they're warned,

you'll have problems dispensing the stuff.

That problem has already been solved.

I have been training

my own special "angels of death".

- Those girls?

- Those girls. And many others like them.

But exactly how?

That will remain my secret.

And how many millions do you

want for your services this time?

This time?

This time the price is different. You'll be

more amused when you know what.

Meanwhile, I will

keep you here as my guest.

You'll be useful in helping

to convince the authorities

that I mean what I say

and I'll do what I claim.

Come, let me show you

to your new quarters.

You're likely to be with us

for some time, Mr Bond.

So first,

a little therapy

to soothe your restless nature.

Oh,

poor fellow. He was restless, too.

You perverse British,

how you love your exercise.

Every year, dozens of amateur climbers,

they wind up in the same predicament.

A kind of waxwork show

for morbid tourists.

Dear, dear me.

Now, now, now, now, Mr Bond,

you must learn to be absolutely calm

before we can accept you back

into polite society.

Presents!

These are for us!

Going-away presents.

From the Count himself,

in appreciation.

- I want to open mine now!

- Oh, no!

It is more fun

to open them all together, yes?

Please sit down.

We will wait for the others.

Look, pressies!

Eggnog on Christmas Eve, just like home!

It is a treat for the going-away party.

- Your very good health, my dears.

- Cheers.

It has been so nice to cure you.

It has something special in it

for the holy night celebration.

... and now you're going

on a journey. A journey home.

But first you must rest for a while.

Rest.

I will tell you when.

And I will tell you how.

But it must be our secret.

Yours and mine. Our secret.

After you've done what I teach you,

will you forget it?

For ever.

And now you may open your eyes again.

Each of you has been given a present.

Such a prettily wrapped present.

Now is the time to open them. Open them.

You see?

They're beautiful and

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