One Hour with You

Now listen, men.

Spring is here...

and spring is a dangerous time

of the year, especially in Paris.

The wanderlust is in the air.

Travelers are coming here from everywhere -

from Cincinnati and Singapore.

- Now, what do they come for?

- [Together] We know.

That's right. Chicago packers

don't come here for a plate of cold cuts.

Big planters don't come

from Brazil just for nuts.

From Norway and Sweden,

they don't come here to fish.

But whether they come from

Amsterdam or Birmingham or Siam...

we let them do whatever they wish.

We let them play in any way...

as long as they're willing to pay.

[Together]

That's okay.

But spring is here.

And after dark, our cafs are empty.

But every park has

standing room only every night.

- Now that's wrong.

- That's right.

The situation is not funny.

Our best cafs are losing money.

We must clean up the public parks.

We must clean up the public parks.

Here's your slogan:

Cleaner parks and more prosperity.

[All] Cleaner parks. Cleaner parks.

More prosperity. More prosperity.

Come on. Come on.

Where do you think you are?

What are you doing?

What's going on here?

The French Revolution.

Hey! You can't make love in public.

- I can make love anywhere.

- No, you can't.

- Oh, but, Officer, he can.

- Darling!

Get up.

- What's your name?

- Dr. Bertier.

And your name?

Madame Bertier.

- So you're married, eh?

- Yes, Officer.

And you expect me to believe that?

- Oh, please.

- Please.

Now let me tell you something.

You're the only married couple

in this park.

[Chuckles]

Get out!

Well, there's only

one other place to go.

Why not?

Listen, Officer.

Do you see that moon?

If he could talk French,

do you know what he would say to you?

Phooey.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I must talk to you.

This is a very delicate situation.

There is Colette,

and here am I.

And I know what you think.

Oh! I know.

How dare you.

You remember that policeman?

He was wrong.

And so are you.

Believe it or not,

we are married.

I am her husband.

And she is my wife.

And I can prove it to you.

Oh, look.

This is a picture of our wedding.

Myself and the bridesmaids.

And this is my wife.

Before the wedding, naturally.

And look at this lady.

My mother-in-law.

A marvelous cook.

In other words,

I am married, and I like it.

I'm sorry to disappoint you.

Now, gentlemen, as a doctor...

let me ask you a personal question.

How long since you have been in a park?

I mean - I mean, with your wife.

Ah. Ladies, that's what's wrong.

Build up your park life

to ensure your home life.

[Colette]

Darllng.

That's for me. Sweetheart.

That's for her.

I'll be with you in a minute.

That's for both of us.

Vlve la France.

#What a little thing

like a wedding ring can do #

# It can even give me

the right to live with you #

#We don't have to care

if the whole world knows #

#You can pay my bills

You can buy my clothes #

#And it's quite all right

if I kiss and tell #

- # It's legal #

- # It's swell #

#We don't have to hide

in a secret rendezvous #

# In the best hotel

we could get a suite for two #

- # But it's not a sin #

- #And it's full of spice #

- # But it's lawful #

- #And it's awful nice #

#What a little thing

like a wedding ring can do #

# It's really great to have a date

each night with you #

#You're so charming

in the morning too #

#That I miss you through the day #

#You have a date for every night

your whole life through #

#And the beauty of it all

is that when I come to call #

# I am sure that I can stay #

[Both Chuckle]

#What a little thing

like a wedding ring can do #

# It allows a thrill

when we start to bill and coo #

# I can squeeze you here

I can squeeze you there #

#And I'm never told

to handle with care #

# I don't have to stop

when I kiss your hand #

- # It's lawful #

- # Oh, it's grand #

#While we love and laugh

I go half and half with you #

#And we share delight

that we're both entitled to #

#What is mine is yours

What is yours is mine #

- [Bertler] #And It's lawful #

- [Colette] #And It's just dlvlne #

[Together] # What a llttle thlng

llke a weddlng rlng can do ##

[Colette]

Oh, darllng, I forgot to tell you.

[Bertler]

Tell me, sweetheart. Tell me.

[Colette]

You know who's comlng tomorrow for lunch?

Sweetheart, tomorrow morning...

when the sun is shining

and the breakfast is on the table...

and the little birdies

are singing in the trees...

I want you to tell me all about it.

But not now!

But, darling,

you don't even know who it is.

It's Mitzi.

My old school chum Mitzi.

- Not Mitzi!

- Yes, Mitzi!

Oh. Mitzi!

Andre, what have you against Mitzi?

- You don't even know her.

- No.

- I want you to meet her.

- Yes.

- I know you'll like her.

- Mm-hmm.

She's the very best friend I had

until she moved to Lausanne.

- Mm-hmm.

- And now she's come back.

- [Loud Thump]

- [Andre] Mltzl, Kltzl, Fltzl, Bltzl.

[Man]

So that's Mltzl.

That's she.

My wife.

When I married her,

she was a brunette.

Now you can't believe

a word she says.

That's all very well, Professor,

but have you any proof?

As a prospective client to a detective,

let me ask you a question.

Would you call me handsome?

Well, as a detective

to a prospective client, uh, no.

- Have a cigar.

- Thanks.

Now let me ask you another question.

As one man to another,

would you call this a beautiful woman?

[Woman, Slngsongy]

Oh, sweetheart.

- She's lying again.

- Lie back.

- Yes, angel?

- [Slngsongy] Good mornlng.

[Singsongy]

Good morning.

Are you busy?

No. Not at all.

Well, uh, I don't want to dlsturb you.

[Slngsongy]

Good-bye.

[Singsongy]

Good-bye.

- [Door Closes]

- [Exhales]

In Switzerland we have

a very peculiar law.

When a husband shoots his wife,

they put him in jail.

- Is this taxi engaged?

- Yes, madame.

Oh, that's too bad.

But, madame -

- Really, I - I hate to do this, monsieur.

- It's perfectly all right, madame.

But perhaps both of us -

Perhaps I could drop you, if you -

- I'm going towards the Bois.

- So am I.

- Oh. That's fine.

- Oh, that's splendid.

- Professor-

- Yes.

Speaking "detectively,"

you're as good as divorced right now.

Do you think the Five-Year Plan

will go over?

Madame, I don't believe in making plans.

Neither do I, monsieur.

I leave everything to the moment.

It's a very good place to live in.

You know, I think it was

awfully sweet of you to take me along.

I think so too.

Oh, monsieur, you're conceited.

No, madame.

I am married.

So, you have a wife.

Mm-hmm. And she has a husband.

Mmm. I can imagine.

- Madame.

- Monsieur.

Tell me. Do you see anything wrong

in us being alone together in this cab?

- Absolutely not.

- Neither do I.

Two strange people of opposite sex,

riding in a cab...

sitting side by side.

The gentleman reading a newspaper.

[Chuckles]

The lady looking out of the window.

[Both Laughing]

Explain that to your wife.

She won't believe it!

Would you believe it?

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