One Night at McCool's

# A wanted man in California #

# A wanted man in Buffalo #

# A wanted man in Kansas City #

# A wanted man in Ohio #

# A wanted man in Mississippi #

# A wanted man in old Cheyenne #

# Wherever you might look tonight #

# You might see this wanted man #

Bingo caller:

N-43.

Four-three on the "N".

# There's somebody set to grab me #

# Anywhere that I might be #

# Wherever you might look tonight #

# You might get a glimpse of me #

# A wanted man in California #

# A wanted man in Buffalo #

- And D-48,

That's "D" over the 4-8...

# A wanted man in Ohio #

# A wanted man in Mississippi #

# A wanted man in old Cheyenne #

# Wherever you might look tonight #

# You might see this wanted man #

Ahem! Psst!

Um, looks like we might

get some rain.

Bingo caller:
N-40, that's

40 under the "N".

Huh?

The -

Oh, I'm sorry, I -

My mistake, I thought

you were someone else.

No, no, wait a minute,

kid, kid, kid...

I forgot what

I was supposed to say,

Y'know, like, uh...

"The rain's good

for the farmers,"

"Grow some crops,"

some sh*t like that.

Mr. Burmeister?

Yeah, Burmeister. Sit down.

Oh, hey, I, uh -

I brought the money.

Pss-pss-pss- later.

Oh! Yeah.

You're dealing with a professional here.

Bingo.

Hey, a man's

gotta do somethin'.

Besides, it's

too early in the day

to be chasin' p*ssy.

Carl Harding. Sorry I'm late.

It's your hour.

50 minutes. But who's counting, right?

So, Carl, why don't you -

I'm sorry, before we begin,

Um, please make sure that

the bills go to my office,

not to my house.

- Sure.

- Thank you.

So why don't you

start at the beginning,

and tell me why

you've come to see me.

Right.

You wanna hear about

my mom and my childhood,

is that the kinda sh*t

you're looking for?

If that's why you're here.

No, it's not.

What do I look like?

Just to set

the record straight,

I Just made partner

at the second-largest law firm

in the state,

so I'm doing very well, thank you.

So I don't

mean to brag, but you asked.

No I didn't.

- Okay.

So you're here because...?

- I'm here because

I've got this thing

going on with a woman -

not my mom!

It's not.

# A wanted man in Albuquerque #

# A wanted man in Syracuse #

# A wanted man in Tallahassee #

# A wanted man in Baton Rouge #

Got a minute?

Uh, in a second.

Come on.

I hope this

is important, Charlie,

I've got Junior choir practice

in twenty minutes.

I need to talk.

This won't keeptill confession?

I really need some helpwith this.

Is it a woman?

Charlie:

I'm so glad you could helpme with this.

I don't know what to do,

I knew you'd helpme

sort this out.

I'm here for you, Charlie,

no matter what it is.

Now, Just take your time,

and tell me everything

about this woman.

I got all day.

I don't usually do

this sort of thing.

Uh-huh.

I've never done this before, y'know?

That's okay, sweetie.

You can start with the next game

on the green sheet.

It's four-card crazy bingo.

Ten dollars.

Lemme get two cups of coffee, please.

Oh, uh, yeah. Two cups for me, too.

O-76...

0-55, 0-5-5.

Y- y-you gotta know, um...

I got my reasons for doing this.

Well, that's nice.

- See, not too long ago,

my life was goin' along Just fine.

I was happy...

Mm-hmm.

Well, maybe I wasn't happy,

but, y'know, I was content.

I had a Job, I had friends...

I had a house...

I had everything but -

That steady bang, huh?

"She," the squeeze, the girlfriend -

whatever you wanna call a chick.

Yeah, right.

And then I met her...

This whole thing

started one night at McCools

The place was packed,

even my cousin Carl was there,

and I was in the zone

Everybodys got their power base -

pouring drinks is my speciality

I was puttin on quite a show

for the frat boys

at the end of the bar

Awright, who wants to take the plunge?

I want it!

Awright, I know

its only bartending,

but hey,

I m good at it

Randy:
Awright, folks,

let's go, wrapit up.

- What a setup!

You must get laid

like...all the time.

- Oh, yeah.

The girls are

linin' uparound the block.

F***, I knew it!

They Just can't resist a man

working for tips in the service industry.

Tell me!

Gimme, gimme, gimme...

Y'know, Carl, I appreciate

your comin' down here

and gettin' sh*t-faced drunk, but -

Haaa!

Don't you think it's about time

you went home to Karen and the kids?

Well, that would be a good idea,

except they're

visiting Grandma in Ohio.

What about that thing called a Job?

You might wanna go home

and sober upfor an hour or two

before goin' in

and facing the partners

of Do-We Cheat-Em And How.

Close. You must mean

Ragsdale, Hersch & Klein.

Take a card, young man,

because you never know.

Oh! What are you

tryin' to do,

you tryin' to

get rid of me?

Hey! Let's go

to one of those after hours clubs.

They got these long,

long- legged girls there,

you can look at them

and maybe touch them.

I gotta close up.

You think Just 'cause I'm married

I don't know about these places?

Just because you are married

means you're gettin' it

a whole lot more than me.

That's a depressing thought.

Carl, you need me

to call you a cab?

Oh, no...

you Just sobered me uppretty good.

Get home safe.

It had been

a fairly busy night

so by the time

I closed the register

and cleaned upthe Joint,

all I wanted to do

was go home

Woman:

Where are you going?!

Stopthe car!

Man:

Do you hear what I'm tellin' ya?!

Don't touch me!

Get over here!

Let go of me!

Hey!

Awright, go!

Driver:

F*** you!

And there she was...

This is not the kind of girl

you usually run into

In a dark alley

In fact, this is not

the kind of girl

I ever run into

You okay?

Girl:
No, I'm not okay.

Some smelly guy

Just tried to rape me.

- What a Jerk! Here.

You want me to

call the police?

I- I know you're Just

trying to help,

but spending

the rest of the night

with a bunch of ass hole cops

isn't exactly what I need right now.

Your...

Thanks.

You got a smoke?

Huh? No, sorry.

This really is my night.

I bet I could

find you one in the bar.

It's okay.

I'm tryin' to cut down anyway.

You're gonna be okay?

- Yeah.

Okay, alright.

I'll see you around.

Hey!

What are you doin' right now?

- Whaddya mean?

Well, I mean, look,

I Just had this little

unpleasant experience,

and I don't especially

feel like being by myself.

Right, right.

Well, I was Just gonna go home.

You got a stereo?

Well, I got a boom box.

Only one of the speakers

is workin', so...

I don't know if

you call it a stereo.

You wanna go

listen to some music?

Where's your car?

Actually, I Just live

a couple of blocks -

Hun -no car.

- Sorry.

Hey.

So, do you live

in a house or an apartment?

Well, this is it.

You live here alone?

It was my mother's before she died.

You own it?

Yeah.

Oh, you're so lucky.

I've always dreamt

of having my own place.

I know what you're thinking -

The police station

might be cheerier, huh?

It's great.

Yeah.

Lot of potential.

"A lot of potential."

What is she,

a real estate agent?

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