One Night at McCool's Page #2

Can I get you something to drink?

Uh, tapwater,

I got beer,

I got tapwater,

I think I got...

Uh...

I may have a Yoo-Hoo.

- Beer sounds good.

I forgot. I drank

the last one this morning.

Uh, I can make some tea

or, uh, coffee...

That's fine, thanks.

Well, tea, anyway.

Water's fine.

Maybe some ice?

Water.

Ah...

Sorry, no, uh,

no ice.

My freezer's on the blink.

How is it?

What?

The water.

Fine.

Do you like water?

I love it.

It's actually

my second favorite thing in the world.

Really? And what's

your first favorite?

F***ing.

What?!

It's my mom's room.

# The way you move

your sexy body #

# It makes me want to

get to know you #

# A little bit better #

# The way you move #

# Your sexy body #

# Makes me want to

get to know you #

# A little bit better #

# Girl will make your moves #

# Straight through your heart

stingin' on point #

# Like a game of darts #

# Your sexy figure

it makes me figure #

# How to get close to you

and make your coochie shook #

# I'm so into you

I can feel ya groove #

# Don't hold back

Just make your move #

# The way you move #

# Your sexy body #

# Makes me want to

get to know you #

# A little bit better...#

A woman after

my own heart - heh-heh.

Hun-hun.

You have no idea

what this woman is capable of.

I guess you don't have to

worry about that anymore,

do you?

I don't think of myself

as the kind of person

who's in this kind of office.

When I think about people

who are in therapy,

these are people who don't

have their lives in control.

I am -

I'm in control of my life,

my life is-is in control,

that is not a problem for me.

What about the woman

you mentioned?

Right. Uh...

It started

one night at McCool's...

Its a kind of

a low-rent Joint

Ordinarily I would

never be seen dead

in a place like this

Hey! Who wants to take the plunge?

But on this particular night,

Karen had taken the kids

to Ohio to visit her mom

So I decided to

dropin on my cousin,

who I hadn't seen

in a long time

We re talking about

an adult

who thinks it's fun

to drink out of

a toilet plunger.

I mean, this is

the mentality we're dealing with here.

Let's Just stay focused

on the woman, okay?

Right.

The woman, okay

Well, I look across the room

and I saw

...a very beautiful woman.

I hung around

hoping shed come back,

but she didn t

Okay, time for me to go.

It was pretty late,

and I d had a few drinks

And there she was

Girl:

I'm Just a little bit nervous.

How do I look?

She was with this guy,

and I thought maybe

this is not the best time

to hit on

this particular woman

What is this,

PMS week?

So I got in my car and

I don't know, I started

to doze off a little,

and I hear all this

screaming and cursing.

Girl:

Don't touch me, a**hole!

I'm gettin' out!

Bartender:

Hey!

Wow.

Tits.

Driver:

F*** you!

Therapist:

And you didn't try to help?

Oh, I would have.

But?

I may have fallen asleep.

You should know -

I was practically

forced into this.

Bartender:

Jewel?

Jewel?

I, uh...

I suppose

it's not gonna help

If i tell you

that was really amazing?

I know it was.

That's the problem.

To tell ya the truth...

I only took

one psychology course

in Junior college,

I know there's

supposed to be this thing

where you're sad

or you're guilty after...

Well, I personally

don't suffer from that.

It's not that.

Don't you see?

That guy tonight -

Oh - oh, that creep

in the firebird?

I know that guy.

Of course

you know the guy.

Let's face it,

you're not the type of girl

who Just Jumps into a car

with some smelly guy

that you don't even know,

I know that.

No...

He and I are...

doing this...

thing.

Oh, sh*t, I really like you.

What do you mean by "thing"?

He and I get in this fight,

and then you or whoever

comes to my rescue

and takes me home, and then...

He like shows up

and we rob you.

What?

We rob you.

I mean, do you believe that?

I'm shocked.

I- I take it this is

something that

you-you've done before?

Just a couple of times.

I know it sounds sick,

but you don't know Utah, he's nuts.

How does he know

where we are, anyway?

I'm supposed to

call him and tell him.

You-you haven't

done that yet, have you?

Of course not!

Oh, good.

Good...

Um...okay.

I got it.

Don't call him.

Let's call the police instead.

Not if you ever

want to see me again.

Oh, right.

Y'know, I generally

think better

with my shoes on, so...

This guy Utah,

is he a mormon?

Uh, I wouldn't say that.

Oh. I didn't think so.

You know, this guy...

He sounds like

a ma Jor piece of sh*t, you know?

You wouldn't be

talkin' about me,

would ya, loverboy?

Wh-why didn't you call?

I was Just about to.

Has this guy

got anything worth takin'?

Old TV, a VCR.

He's got a boom box,

but only one speaker works.

A Mr Coffee machine.

Telephone, um...

Oh yeah, and one light

hooked upto the clapper.

Hey, that was my mom's.

Shut your f***in' mouth!

You stand there,

you call me a piece of sh*t!

Huh? I'm the piece of sh*t?

I'm here with my lady,

you understand?

It is a touchy situation!

Has he got a car?

No.

No?

He's pathetic!

You-you don't

got a car?

Everybody's

got a car today -

Even bums don't

not got a car!

What do you do when

you take a chick out,

you go on a bus?

Think you're gonna

get laid on a bus?

Think you're gonna

give some chick

the f***in' monster on a bus?

Huh?

I got a car...

The "piece of sh*t's" got a car!

What about Jewelry,

has he got Jewelry?

Just a Swatch

Nice leather band, though.

Oh yeah?

Take it off.

C'mon, you're so slow.

It's right over here.

Awright, you're up,

slugger, let's go.

You want me to open it?

No, I want you

to dance with it -

Move!

Okay.

And if there's

a gun in there, Just leave it.

'Cause you'll

pull it out, you'll get nervous,

you'll wind upmiss in' me,

then I gotta do

what I gotta do with what I got.

Look at me.

Look at me

when I talk to you!

I can't look at you

and look at the safe at the same time.

Oh, excuse me, okay.

You're the big-shot now,

I'm nobody, right?

Okay, I'm over here now.

Excuse me.

Got any other features

on this watch?

It's got a stopwatch.

It's got a stopwatch?

I never figured out

how to use it.

It's simple,

it's this button -

Oh...

What happened?

He was gonna kill you.

Really?

I mean,

he was Just -

He could definitely

tell that there was

something going on

between us, y'know?

How?

Because I've never

actually slept with

any of the other guys

that I've done this with before,

that's how.

Is he dead?

Oh, Jesus.

Do you hate me now?

No, no, no, no.

No.

Oh yes, you do!

No, it's not that, okay?

It's Just the sex

and the violence

all in one night,

it's a little much.

- What are we gonna do now?

- What?

- What are we gonna do now?!

- I don't know!

Well, think of something!

Let's call the police.

That's a good idea.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, really.

And what are we

gonna tell 'em?

We'll tell them

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes