One Night at McCool's Page #4

it's safer to fly

than it is

to drive a car?

You're upset with me

Because I didn't

bring you home a plane?

Another thing, if you think

I'm gonna be out there

with a hose and a bucket of suds

to wash the damnthing,

you can forget it - I'm not that guy.

Well, fine.

I'll wash the car.

God, you're

full of sh*t.

What's that?

I'm full of sh*t?

Yes.

Lemme tell ya -

I have seen people

leave the bar so drunk

they can't even see,

and off they speed

in their giant

sports utility vehicles.

Well, you run into

one of these guys out on the street,

and you're gonna die,

and you're gonna die ugly!

Would you relax?

Christ, look at this house!

Uh... I come at

a bad time?

Uh, no.

Randy:

And then that damndetective dropped in

As if i wasn t

stressed-out enough

I'll let you two talk.

What'd he want?

Oh, you know, he's a cop.

They're never satisfied

unless they ask you

everything ten times.

After that night at McCool's

I was a mess.

I couldn't concentrate...

I couldn't sleep...

I could barely eat.

Nothin' deep-fried, anyway.

I had this longing...

Something inside of me said

I had to see that woman again

Boy, was I glad I got there

at that exact moment

He was getting very abusive

You're gonna die,

and you're gonna die ugly!

It was like I had been chosen

for a very special assignment

Not by the department,

but by a higher power

I was being sent

to save her from him

Oh...

Did I...come at a bad time?

Uh, no.

Didn't seem possible,

but she was even more beautiful

than the night I first saw her.

And I said, Good afternoon,

then she said,

I Il let you two talk

Then he said -

Not bad, huh?

There was something about him

I Just didn't like.

According to your statement,

you closed the bar at one-thirty.

You didn't call

to report the shooting

until three-fifty-eight.

I need to know what you were doing during

that time frame.

Haven't we already

gone over all this stuff, man?

Hey, uh, Jewel, how about

crackin' me open a brew, huh?

I don't know, it was, uh,

I had to count all that money,

It was a busy-ass night, awright?

I think on this night

we had those frat boys in there,

and a couple of 'em -

Whoa, whoa - whaddya doin'?

This guy's a cop.

He can't drink,

he's on the Job!

Why don't ya do somethin',

y'know, make yourself useful.

All right.

I'll be outside -

was hing the car.

Yeah, you do that.

Man, I'm sorry about her.

How can I not

question our Creator

for putting this...

...human obscenity

into the presence

of such a...

...divine creature.

Anyway, that was the night

we had all these frat boys in

and they're

taking "the plunge."

A couple of 'em

ended upin the bathroom

and barfin' up

all over the floor...

I wasn't listening

to a word he was saying

I could only

think about her

I felt so guilty,

like I was betraying

the memory of Theresa

but I couldn t

take my eyes off her

# Well I think it's time #

# To get ready #

# To realize

Just what I have found #

# I have been only half #

# Of what I am #

# It's all clear to me now #

# My heart is on fire #

# My soul's like

a wheel that's turning #

# My love is alive #

# My love is alive #

# Yeah yeah yeah #

# Whoo! ##

Can you imagine

how i felt?

You should see

what she does with my hose.

I don't know what

would make me

invite him over

for barbecue.

You did say

you were going to.

Hmm?

Yeah, but -

I say a lot of things.

Why do you

think you did?

I don't know.

You tell me.

The woman?

Carl:

You know, he brings her

and shes wearing

this nothing of a dress,

its a slip!

I mean, you can see everything

For a barbecue.

No, no, wait a second,

what am I thinking? Hot pants.

They re like

cupping everything,

and-and this top-

You could definitely

see her stomach

Wait! No, no no -

sorry, it was a dress.

It was a dress, like a,

like a summer kind of

farmer girl dress, you know?

With like, cherries and plums and -

- Okay.

- little fruits.

Shes walking

and shes bouncing

and the grapes

and the melons,

and they're Just

ba-boom, ba-boom -

That's fine,

thank you.

She's so sexy,

but pretty!

- Okay, all right!

- No!

All right!

That's enough!

I get the picture!

Let's Just go on with the story.

So then -

In any case,

the reason I called you was

you're one guy I can trust

in a situation like this.

I got a guy with a hole

in the back of his head

where the exit wound was...

# Oh were you Just

pleased to see me #

# As you all know #

# You better take care #

# Treat me with respect #

# Because love is rare #

# As you all know #

# You better beware #

# Treat me with respect... ##

Um, would anybody care

for another burger?

I'll have a hot dog.

If you have one.

And then she grabs me

and she says,

Lets get together sometime

So she was

coming on to you?

Yeah.

It doesn't surprise me, really.

It doesn't.

No, 'cause -

I mean, I don't mean

to sound full of myself, but...

But what?

You're irresistible?

Women...

women find me attractive.

Do you think

I'm attracted to you?

Well, you're a doctor,

so I think you have

that professional reserve.

But even so,

I think I felt something

when I walked in the office.

It's okay, don't worry about it.

You don't wanna

hear about all this.

No, no, no -

go on, go on.

You got the car,

you're feelin' good

about yourself again,

and boom!

The sex picks up

again, right?

Well, not exactly.

I was watchin a lot of cable

- Randy!

Randy.

Can we talk?

Sure.

What did you do all day?

I'm watchin' this

Norwegian movie again,

Maria Marushka

It's really good.

Randy.. I think

not having a Job

is starting to get to you.

No. It's not having any money

that's starting to get to me.

Well, that is why

I think we need to talk.

With what they pay me

at the store

we can barely cover our bills,

not to mention

the new dinette set I want,

or the window treatments

I want in this room.

Well, I'm sorry,

there's not much more I can do.

I mean, nobody

seems to be hiring.

That's why I went

to McCool's today

and spoke to

your old boss, Joey.

What!

You didn't go down there

and-and beg him

to give me my Job back!

Of course I didn't!

Good.

But I am going to

The Moody Blues with him.

- What?

- Tomorrow night.

He seems to think

they're the Second Coming,

but they're really

not my cupof tea.

Wait a minute!

Why are you doing this?

I'm doing this for us

as a couple, Randy.

And more importantly,

I'm doing this for you

and your sense

of self-worth.

Huh?

I think that you have

a lot of anger towards Joey,

and that because of that,

you feel less of a man

because of his power

to take away your livelihood.

You think i'm gonna

have less anger

and feel like more of a man

if you start dating this guy?!

No.

I'm suggesting

that tomorrow night

when you know

he's at the concert,

you go to his house

and you steal

everything of value

you can fit into our car.

You're Joking.

No.

I mean, come on,

the guy fired you.

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