One Night at McCool's Page #5

And he still owes you

six hours overtime, right?

I Just don't think he knows

what he had with you.

You're so wonderful,

You're the best bartender

I've ever seen, by far.

You know, the way

you worked those crowds,

you really had 'em

in the palm of your hand.

You know what

you reminded me of?

What?

A rock star.

Really?

Really.

I don't know...

I Just...

I don't see myself

doing something like that.

It's crazy.

Once we fence

all his stuff,

we'll make a pretty nice

chunk of change.

Look, forget it!

There's no way.

Absolutely not.

But you did it,

of course.

Yeah, I did it.

I knew Joey would have

A big CD collection

And I was surprised at all

the other cool stuff he had

You know,

Jewel must have taken

a few more psychology courses

than me,

because as crazy as I thought

the whole idea was,

as reluctant as I was

to do it,

by the end of the evening,

I felt great

I still wonder how

she talked me into it.

Here's a wild guess.

Yeah.

That probably had

somethin' to do with it.

# I got money in my pocket #

# I've got lovin' in the air #

# There is nothin'

that will stopme #

# And I really

Just don't care #

# I Just want to

live my life #

# That's the way

it's gonna be #

# And nothin's

gonna pull me down #

# 'Cause you know

that I believe #

# The sun's gonna shine #

# Shine #

# It's gotta be love

from the very start #

# It's gotta be love

from the very start... ##

Jewel?

The Indian stays.

I wasn't gonna

throw him away.

Randy:

For a while there,

we almost seemed

like a normal couple

Burmeister:

You re slammin it night and day,

poppin' your cork

like a bartender at a mob wedding,

then one day, like it always happens,

all that good nookie turns sour on ya.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Oh, nothing. Trash.

Ah-ah-ah.

Randy, come on,

we have to throw

some things away.

But not my

Sno-Globes, come on!

Can't we Just compromise

and throw one Sno-Globe away?

Jewel, these

came from my mom.

See this one here?

She brought it back

from Chicago.

See, it's got

the Sears Tower here,

and this one here

is very special.

Ya see, my mom

used to say that

this was our house,

and as long as

I never broke it,

we'd always have

a place to stay.

I knew

s he was only Joking, but still...

You're a sick puppy, man.

So what kind of Job

do you have at this point?

I hadn't got one yet.

It was sort of

an ongoing problem between us.

I-29, I-2-9.

I was offered

the lunch shift at TGl-Friday's...

You lucky stiff.

I actually thought

it was kind of a stepdown

from unemployment,

I mean...

No, you got it,

you won - I-29.

Oh yeah.

Um..

Uh, bingo.

We have a winner!

I gotta be honest

with you, my young friend.

I'm leaning towards

the girl on this one,

I mean, she's made your dump

nice and livable,

you're gettin'

good action on the mattress...

Bingo person:

Hold onto it till you cash out.

Least you could do

is make some money.

Maybe you should be

playin' bingo.

That's why...

we decided

to do another...

you know, break-in.

What do you mean, "we"?

Yeah, Jewel and me,

I mean, I'm no criminal.

I bet he's got a DVD.

I'd love to

have one of those.

Whoa.

We're going to Montague's,

so I borrowed something

from the designer section

at the store.

I Just think

you might have overshot,

I mean,

even for Montague's.

Really?

Yeah.

You know...

...maybe we shouldn't

be doing this.

The burglary?

- Yeah.

- Oh, Randy!

Joey's is one thing,

but this is something else.

Would you be happier

if we weren't?

Sure, wouldn't you?

I'll show you

what makes me happy.

These are all

pictures from magazines,

things I've saved.

Things that I want

in my house someday.

I've been carrying this thing

around with me for years.

Whenever I feel lonely

or get depressed,

I Just add in a new couch

or a new set of drapes and...

I don't know, Just dream.

It makes me happy

to think that someday

I might actually

live in the kind of house

that looks like

it belongs in a magazine.

You want me to be happy,

don't you, Randy?

Of course I do.

Burmeister:

So who was it this time?

Randy:

Just some guy -

God knows how they met

They were going to some

fancy restaurant, Montagues

Jewel was sure

she could keephim there

for at least three hours

It was a good thing, too,

because it was gonna

take a little time

to clean this guy out -

he had everything

At first I couldn't find

his DVD player,

and I really needed to,

since Jewel wanted one

So I went upstairs,

and there it was

DVD!

Bingo!

Him again?!

You gotta be careful

when you say "bingo" in here.

Bingo lady:

Not to worry, that was a false alarm.

Sorry.

It was like some game show

where they send you

on a shopping spree

I found a nice new Rolex -

much nicer than

my old Swatch.

Unfortunately,

this guy was I guess a midget

And then things

started goin wrong

What's this?

This is the place

where it all happens, baby.

Come on.

Mi casa,

es su casa

Greg! I thought we were

going out somewhere!

Why go out, baby?

We got it all right here!

Best sound system

you ever heard,

a little hot tub,

swimming pool...

The Gregster might even

break out his secret stash

of blow.

Uh, Greg...

Uh, I thought, uh...

Why don't we

Just drive for a little longer,

this car makes me so hot!

I'll leave the front door open

if you wanna follow me, okay?

Jewel:

Greg?

Score!

Oh, sh*t!

Greg?

Greg?

Greg!

Randy!

I had a feeling

you'd find your way.

This is a nice house.

Too bad you're

such a sh*t.

Heh!

Greg:

A little dirty-talker.

Okay, okay,

come on, let's talk.

Why don't we go downstairs

and have a drink?

I have a better idea, baby.

Let's talk after.

B*tch!

Come on, baby,

come on!

Get off me!

Ha ha!

B*tch.

You like it a little rough, huh?

Oh, yeah, you wanna play?

We'll play rough.

We'll play very -

Ungh!

Oh, my God,

I don't believe this.

What is it with you?

Everywhere you go,

there's a dead guy.

Take the DVD.

Take the DVD!

I'm not takin' the DVD.

Why not?

Well, I don't know,

it Just does n't seem right.

It was all right before?

Before there wasn't

a dead guy Iyin' on the floor.

Y'know, I never

saw a dead person till i met you.

The guy was

trying to rape me,

does that mean

anything to you?

Now take the DVD!

I'm not takin' the DVD!

Don't you want to live

in the type of house

that has a first-rate

home entertainment center,

including a DVD?

I already got

his big-screen.

I don't see the difference

between taking his big-screen

or taking his DVD -

I want that DVD.

'Cause the big-screen

is already down in the car.

Jewel:

I get all dressed up,

I get a friggin' shiner,

I don't get dinner,

and I don't get the DVD -

Randy:

I didn't care about the TV,

I was Just doin this

to make Jewel happy

But you didn't

take the DVD.

A local attorney

was found slain this morning...

Jewel:
I do not believe we were

in that gazillion-dollar house

and we didn't end up

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