One Night at McCool's Page #8

Good. Spend a coupla days away

and let things cool off.

And you know what?

Thing's will work out fine.

Do you really think so?

- Absolutely!

Okay.

Stay there! Okay.

Are you all alone?

Are you heartbroken?

Did something happen

to the romance?

Did things get out of hand,

and now you're afraid

they've gone too far?

Are you about to lose

that someone special forever?

If you are one of the

97 out of 100 men

who surveys tell us

suffer deepemotional pains,

then I am talking to you!

Don't lose that someone -

Act now!

We have psychics trained

and standing by

to helpyou through this difficult period.

Don't lose that special someone!

Pick upthe phone

and bring the Jewel back into your life!

Tomorrow may be too late...

Call EPS now!

Don't waste another minute!

Man:

Hey! What are you doing!?

Garbage man:

Hey!

Come on!

Carl:
# When love comes

rollin' upyour way #

# Open up

and let that breeze blow #

# 'Cause today's

your lucky day #

No, I don't want

to talk to the kids.

Can you Just tell them?

Don't-don't put them on.

You don't have to -

Hi, Sweetie!

Um, ah, no.

Daddy's not gonna be home.

What do you mean?

Well, how did the dog get out?

Well, where's his leash?

Okay, Daddy's gotta -

Daddy's gotta go.

- Dad, don't -

Okay, Sweetheart.

Cosmetic department, please.

Cosmetic department!

Bye.

you can't Just

barge into somebody's house!

Keepyour hands up, Scummo.

You are in big trouble.

You need a search warrant.

I happen to be an attorney.

I Just made partner

at the second-largest

law firm in the state.

That's where

I've seen you before.

You need

a search warrant.

This is my

girlfriend's house!

Bullshit! This is

Randy Weltzer's house.

He happens to be

my cousin.

He's your cousin?

- Yes.

And as his attorney,

I can assure you

that he will be

filing a suit against you

and the entire

St. Louis Police Department.

Well, I guess it'll be

right after he stands trial

for the murder of your former associate

Gregory Spradling.

Wh-what?!

Are you crazy?

Mister, you better take a good long

look in the mirror

before you call

somebody else crazy.

Get your clothes on.

I'm takin' you in.

Okay, um, for what?

For murder.

You and Spradling were in competition

for the same position.

So you and your...

...gay incestuous lover

killed him.

What?! No-

First of all, I am not gay.

Interesting choice of wardrobe, then.

I'm married, with two kids.

Ha ha!

I'm so not gay,

I'm here to f***

my cousin's girlfriend.

I oughta shoot you

right now.

He's not really my cousin,

he's my uncle's wife's

brother's kid.

That's enough!

- Come on, hey!

Freeze!

Freeze!

You're making

a very big mistake.

You better watch it, buddy,

I am an attorney!

Get down!

You're making

a very serious mistake!

Shut up!

- Ungh!

Un! You're

in big trouble!

Carl:

Okay, here she is.

She'll clear up

this whole thing.

What are you

doing here?!

Uh, Carl...

What's goin' on?

It's not what

it looks like.

Why are you

wearing that?

Like you don't know.

Hey, I'm not the one

who's got him

bent over the table.

This is official

police business.

Carl, what are you

doing here?!

Where is Jewel?

It was Just that one time

with me and Jewel, I swear.

What do you mean,

one time?

You're Iyin'.

She never let you touch her.

Yeah, not like you,

her "boyfriend."

Do you believe that?

He calls himself Jewel's boyfriend!

I'm warning you.

Where is she?!

I was expecting her

here any minute!

Why do you think I'm dressed like this,

for Halloween?

You're dressed like that

because your perverted cousin -

Wait a minute.

We gotta find her!

You are violating a restraining order

and are under arrest!

You don't understand.

Someone is coming here

to kill her!

Him?

Huh?

No.

Which one of you homos

killed my brother?

I'm not gay -

Shut up!

I understand the man

that killed my brother, Utah,

he lives here.

And I'm not leaving

'till I kill him.

Now, which one of you was it?

I said, which one of you

was it!?

I- I-I'm an attorney.

I'm sure you and your brother

were very close - that's good.

Avenging his death,

wanting to avenge his death,

that's admirable,

who doesn't understand that?

But as a lawyer...

What the hell?

Jewel:

You want to explain to me

what you're doing

looking through

the window of my house?

Give me your gun.

I lost my dog, uh -

he came off his leash.

And you need

a.357 for that?

Well, it's

a rough neighborhood...

... Jewel.

You should know that.

Look at these guys.

Carl:

Legally, you're swimming

against the current here,

but you've got

think about the fact

that if you kill

all three of us,

you will be adding here,

and I'm Just guessing,

a second and possibly

third strike

to your record.

Which would be

heading you

to some very serious prison time.

You I'll kill

Just for annoying me.

Now, I would appreciate

if the man that

killed my brother Utah

would stepforward

and take responsibility

for their actions,

or I will have

no other choice

than to kill all you daN...

...Village People!

Now...somebody

better damnwell

start talkin'!

Aaah!

Aah!

Lord, please don't let them

find me in this outfit!

Aaahh!

I'm really gonna

miss that little house.

Yeah, I know

what you mean.

When I'm on the road

a few days

I really

miss my place.

You have a house?

Oh, yeah -

I'm a real homebody.

Nothin' I like better than stayin' home

on a quiet night

watchin' a good movie on my DVD.

You have a DVD?

If you're gonna have a first-rate

home entertainment center,

you gotta have a DVD.

Not that my place doesn't need

some fixin' up.

Hell, I was even thinking

about putting in a fountain.

Yeah.

Thank you, God!

# Y. M.C.A. #

# You can get yourself clean, #

# You can have a good meal, #

# You can do

whatever you feel #

# Young man #

# Are you listenin' to me? #

# I said, young man, #

# What do you want to be? #

# I said, young man #

# You can make real

your dreams #

# But you've got to #

# Know this one thing: #

# No man does it

all by himself... ##

# She likes the attention #

# Not to mention

how the boys line up#

# She can't stop

turnin' it on #

# And on and on

and on and on #

# She likes the attention #

# Not to mention

how the boys line up#

# And she can't stop

turnin' it on #

# And on and on

And on and on #

# She could always

see through my hand, #

# Never was a fool

for my master plan #

# And though

I grew tired of the games #

# I would wait around

for my luck to change #

# Does she not make my heart

beat a little faster? #

# Doesn't she move me

like a natural disaster? #

# She likes the attention #

# Not to mention

how the boys line up#

# And she can't stop

turnin' it on #

# And on and on

and on and on #

# She likes the attention #

# Not to mention

how the boys line up#

# And she can't stop

turnin' it on #

# And on and on

and on and on #

# She was always

leading me on #

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