Other Men's Women Page #2

well, I'm glad to hear it.

Going to sleep in the bathtub

with the water running and all.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Listen, I wa...

Don't you make fun of me, you scamp.

Three months back in your rent...

...and trying to pull the house down

over my ears:

Oh, darling, precious, dearest.

well, well, what kind of a party is this?

This is a little coming-out party.

I came right out on my rump.

Say, if he's a friend of yourn...

...you better get him out of here

before I have him pinched.

Anything you say, lady.

You just keep his trunks here.

we'll send for them later.

Come on, egg.

we got business elsewhere.

I had a swell time at your p...

Aw, nuts.

Goodbye.

BILL:

Have a little chew on me.

And good riddance.

Filthy old bum.

Some fun, eh, kid? Yippee.

Hey, did you ever see Charlie Murray?

Not bad, huh?

Boy, that's great.

Hey, have a little chew on me.

Thanks.

Don't mention it.

JACK:

well, here's the mansion.

Say, is this cute, or ain't it?

we like it. Come on in.

Oh, no. I hadn't better.

why not?

Oh, because your wife will throw me out

sure as blazes.

You know they always do

when you bring a guy home with a bun on.

You're all right now.

The walk did you good.

Yeah, I know, but how about the breath?

wouldn't know you ever had a drink.

Here, have a little chew on me.

Thanks.

Hey, wait a minute. wait a minute.

Let me take the paper off.

Silly, isn't it?

Silly?

You're just a big goat.

Come on, now.

Hey, where you going?

Come on. Come on in here.

Not bad, huh?

That's perfect.

Hello, darling.

Hello yourself.

JACK:
How are you, Peg-Leg?

Just doing a bit of chopping for the missus.

Oh, you brought a trowel.

Sure, and some sweet peas and cornmeal

and something else.

LILY:
What?

JACK:
I parked it in the other room.

LILY:

Oh, let me see.

why, Bill.

Bill White.

Hello, you little devil, when'd you blow in?

why, I'm Lily.

Don't you remember me?

Do I? Say, I wouldn't forget you

in a thousand years.

I ask about her every day, don't I, fella?

Sure.

Come on. Get your coffee.

I'll draw some water.

Make the first one cold.

Hey, she's wise. I gotta beat it.

You don't know Lily.

Yeah, that's it.

See, I'm liable to pull another boner.

Swear or something.

You know I don't go over so good

with her kind.

Aw, shut up.

PEG-LEG:
Come on, boys. Line up.

The party's ready.

why, you old son of a gun.

I haven't seen you since I was knee-high.

I suppose you're raising the devil

the same as you used to.

who, me? No, I've calmed way down.

Pig-Leg.

Peg-Leg.

Pig-Leg.

Peg-Leg.

All right, maybe I'm wrong.

Bill.

Yes, ma'am.

The tub's almost ready. Come on.

I think you'll find everything you want.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, we better ask Jack about the razor.

Darling?

You like Bill well enough

to let him use your razor?

JACK:

I should say not.

Hey, fella, that razor's

about to get its first break.

PEG-LEG:
What the devil kind of a shovel

do you call this, anyhow?

It isn't the shovel. It's you.

Is that so?

Yes.

well, I'll show you.

Now, you watch me.

Oh, that slipped.

I never saw such a dull shovel

as this in me life.

Let me do it, then. Come on.

PEG-LEG:

Listen, take your lily-white hands off it.

LILY:

Come on, let me have that.

PEG-LEG:

Give me that shovel.

I never start anything that I can't finish.

Ah! who pushed me?

BILL:
Hey, wait a minute.

Stand aside, ladies and gents,

and let a man what knows how to dig, dig.

There you are.

But you ought to be in bed

getting your sleep.

Leave him work.

It'll take some of that fat off him.

Yeah?

Hey, you.

Behave, now.

If you're gonna dig,

stay close to the fence.

I'm gonna put sweet peas

all along there, see?

Sweet peas? Gee, that'll be swell.

I'll follow along behind you

and put in the seeds.

Okay.

Dang it,

I gotta be of some use here somehow.

I'll punch the holes, huh?

JACK:
Quiet out there.

I can't sleep.

Fat chance you have to sleep.

BILL:
Oh, that tickles.

Hold still. I'm almost finished.

Oh!

what's the matter?

Say, is this an operation or a haircut?

Oh, don't be a baby.

That was a hair I pulled.

These scissors aren't very sharp.

Try the lawn mower.

Ooh!

Now what?

wait a minute.

what are you looking for?

A piece of ear.

Cut out this nonsense, now,

and let me finish, would you?

Cut it out, will you?

Nobody's gonna look like a tramp

in my family.

Ow.

JACK:

Hey, you Indian.

How's a fella gonna study

with all that racket going on?

Come here, darling.

See if you can handle him.

I've stood enough.

Pick on somebody your size,

you big gorilla.

Take that, and that, and that.

Stop, will you? Stop it.

Lay off.

Jack, Jack, make him stop. Jack.

Lay off me.

Running away from me?

No.

You big sissy.

Call for help, huh?

Call for help, call for help? You coward.

Listen, I won't make biscuits for supper

or cream gravy:

BILL:
Where you going?

JACK:
None of your business.

LILY:
I bet I know.

Ice cream, ice cream for supper.

Did you ever see such a kid?

I'm gonna be pushing her around

in a baby buggy.

For that, I'm gonna leave you flat

and go and start supper.

Here's my half for the ice cream.

And say, get the kid

a bag of chocolates, will you?

we're spoiling her.

who cares?

Say, do we need anything

from the drugstore?

Yeah, she said something yesterday

about wanting some toilet water.

Aw, for crying out loud.

Hey, listen, don't forget

and get me a half dozen packages of gum.

JACK:
Okay.

Okay.

Anything I can do, Lily?

well, let's see, you might put on

some water while I sift flour for the gravy.

Okay.

Gee, these flowers are slick.

They smell up the whole room.

LILY:
Yes, aren't they sweet?

Bring the yellow pitcher, Bill.

Cut that out.

I can't.

what shirt did you put on this morning?

Just a shirt.

well, you got the wrong one.

That one's got a button off.

who cares?

I do.

Now, go and change it like a good boy.

Lily, I haven't got time, honest.

where you going?

You'll see.

Turn around, Bill. Let me sew this on.

Not bad, huh?

Stand still, now.

I want you to look nice.

Yes, ma'am.

Gee, you're a sweet kid,

you know that?

I'm glad you think so.

I like people to like me.

People I'm fond of.

You fond of me?

Oh, yes, terribly.

You're such a help around the house.

You know, Bill, you ought to be married.

You'd make a wonderful husband.

Aw, quit your kidding.

Besides, I ain't found the girl I want yet.

what kind of a girl do you want?

A girl just like you, or there's no dice.

Now you're kidding me.

No, I ain't kidding.

I'm on the level.

Do I really mean that much to you?

Say, I think you're the swellest girl

in the world.

Oh, you're a dear.

And just for that,

I'm gonna give you a little kiss.

Don't. we mustn't.

what?

Kiss each other.

Do you love me, Lily?

Yes.

Say it.

I love you.

Oh, I can't. I must...

Lily...

No, sweetheart. No, no.

Bill.

Yes, honey.

what are you thinking about?

About Jack.

I wish I knew

what we could do about him.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes