Pee-wee's Big Holiday Page #2

---

Thank you.

Hey, how about that tour of Fairville?

Right over there, that's Dan's Diner,

where we met.

And there, Fairville Public Library.

Fairville High.

Tire Repair of Fairville.

Fairville Fire Department.

Barber of Fairville.

And this right here,

this little building is where Fairville's

premier music group, the Renega...

- What's wrong? What's that building?

- Nothing.

It's just some stupid building

where my stupid band used to rehearse

before we broke up!

Let me get that right out of there.

Stupid! Stupid!

You okay?

Yeah, sure. I'm fine.

Hey! What's that?

Is that your house?

I didn't notice you had a tree house.

Oh, I don't.

That's the only detail

of this entire model that doesn't exist...

yet.

That's funny.

You know, I always wanted

a tree house, too.

That is funny!

Say...

What do you say you and me

get a picture of us

at the site of your future tree house?

You ready?

Three, two, one.

Root Beer Barrels!

You know, I never caught your name.

Oh, it's Pee-wee. Pee-wee Herman.

And you are?

Good one.

Uh... what?

Wait...

you don't know who I am?

How could I?

Why would I?

I'm Joe...

Manganiello.

Well, pleasure to meet you,

Joe Man...

Manganiello.

Sorry, trick ear.

One more time.

Manganiello.

I'm an actor.

I'm told show business

can be very competitive,

so hang on to your dreams

and who knows?

I wish you luck, Joe Man...

- Certainly you've heard of True Blood?

- Uh-uh.

- Magic Mike?

- Hmm, you'd think so, but no.

Man, you're so real.

That's what I like about you, Pee-wee.

You're normal.

Your miniature world is awesome.

Hey, what's on the other side

of those railroad tracks?

Beyond Fairville?

I don't know, I've never been there.

Never?

May I tell you something

I've never told anyone?

Sure.

What is it?

Once upon a time, I won a contest.

A trip to Salt Lake City, Utah.

But I never made it to Salt Lake City.

Or Utah.

Long story short...

I came back with a metal plate in my head.

- That explains why you don't travel.

- Hmm...

Do you ever get worried

that life's just passing you by?

Ha!

What could possibly be going on out there

that I haven't tried already in Fairville?

- You ever been in a fight?

- No.

- You ever broken a rule?

- No!

You ever had two women fight over you?

Uh...

Have I? No.

Breaking rules and breaking hearts,

that's what life's all about.

I believe in fate.

And I think I know why you and I met.

You're gonna leave Fairville...

and you're gonna take a holiday.

I got your reason right here.

What is it? What?

I want you to be at my birthday party.

New York City!

How would I ever...

I couldn't possibly...

This is all happening so fast.

See you in five days, brother.

"Five days"?

"Brother"?

- I've never even been on an airplane.

- No!

The only thing you're gonna

learn about yourself on a plane

is that you like the honey-roasted peanuts

better than the plain-salted.

If you're really hungry,

the open road is a smorgasbord

of life experience.

A few days on the open road

is worth a lifetime in Fairville.

The way I see it, Pee-wee Herman,

you got a choice to make.

Stick around here...

...or live a little.

Stick around here...

or live a little.

What should I do?

I wish I had some kind of sign.

Whoa, that's a big apple.

Big Apple!

That's it! Bingo!

- Can I get anybody more water?

- Where's my order?

Where's the food?

I'm starving!

Bev, my lunch break is practically over!

Me hungry!

Shoot! Heck! Darn!

MK@mal

Pee-wee, where have you been?

I'm leaving town.

I won't be at work tomorrow

or the next day or the day after that.

I'm taking a holiday.

Come on, Little Connie.

We're going to New York City!

One million bottles of pop on the wall

One million bottles of pop

You take one down and pass it around

Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand

Nine hundred ninety-nine

Bottles of pop on the wall

Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand

Bottles of pop on the wall

Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand

Nine hundred ninety-nine

You take one down and pass it around

Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand

Nine hundred ninety-eight

Bottles of pop on the wall

Nine hundred fifty-five

You take one down and pass it around

Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand

Nine hundred fifty-four

Bottles of pop on the wall

A traffic light!

Just like I've seen in

National Geographic!

I hope I'm not tempting fate

by saying this out loud,

but my very first holiday

is off to a perfect start!

Uh-oh, those nice women are in trouble!

Hitchhikers!

Hop in!

Where you headed?

- Hello...

- Drive, pip-squeak.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my gosh!

Time is of the essence, Daddy-o.

Put the pedal to the metal!

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my...

Ow!

Floor it, worm!

Hey!

Watch where you're going, maniac!

Why are the cops after us?

Are you guys witches?

Never ask a wimp to do a lady's job.

- Ooh!

- Faster, granny!

Please, don't make me

wreck Little Connie!

This is one moving violation

after another!

Ladies, hold on to your switchblades!

- Congrats, twerp.

- You're a criminal.

We just fed you.

Listen, ladies, it's been real

and it's been fun.

But has it been real fun? Mmm-mmm.

Nope.

Come on, let me go.

I gotta get to New York City,

to my friend's birthday party.

I don't care if your friend

is the Queen of England

and she's throwing her

100th birthday party

in the Statue of Liberty's underpants!

You're not leaving this motel room.

Hey, Pepper.

He seems okay.

Maybe we can trust him.

No way!

He'll go and squeal to the cops.

- But I...

- Pipe down, squirrel!

My name's not Squirrel.

It's Pee-wee.

What's so funny?

We never introduced ourselves.

I'm Pepper.

Freckles.

My name's Bella. Nickname...

Pee-wee.

Your name's Pee-wee?

Yeah, Pee-wee.

I've never met another one.

Me neither.

Uh... Pee-wee and Pee-wee.

Touching.

Gets me right here.

Can someone get me a tissue?

Police! We have you surrounded!

Open up!

Oh, thank goodness you're here, officers!

Ladies, you're under arrest.

Mmm-hmm.

For being too hot!

Fooled ya, girls!

I got these hunks out of the yellow pages.

Pillow fight!

"Pee-wee,

we will always have our name.

This is for you.

- Sincerely, Pee-wee."

Great, Little Connie's gone.

Perfect!

It's all good.

No worries.

- Same difference!

- Pardon me.

Sir?

Everything okay?

My car's been stolen.

That's terrible.

Well...

I'm heading east.

Need a lift?

You are a life-saver!

I'm no hero.

Just a traveling salesman.

- Hey, don't forget your coffee.

- Mmm-hmm.

I...

I thought you might say that.

Ah!

Magnet!

Good one! You got me!

One of my top sellers.

Oh!

And...

got this bag of groceries.

Come on, let's hit the road.

Right on.

There's a bag of groceries on your roof!

Gotcha!

Bingo.

Ew! Snake farm, yuck.

Ugh, I hate snakes.

One of the area's

most popular attractions!

And, it just so happens, our next stop.

I supply their gift shop.

These...

are what I call "the classics."

The big-sellers.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote